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Original poster

So... I ruined my son's day out

246 replies

MeanWeedratStew · 15/04/2025 07:55

Long story short: My teenage son went to the cinema with friends today (it's school holidays where we live). He has a bank account that's attached to mine. I checked it early this morning, saw that he had plenty of money in it, figured he would be fine.

What I didn't realise, however, was that his account has a weekly spend limit as a default setting. I, as his parent, have to manually change this limit online. I didn't know this. My son's card was declined and he missed out on seeing the film with his friends. He is now home, understandably upset with me, and I feel like the world's shittest mother. I feel like I'm always double and triple checking everything to do with my kids, and I just can't believe I was dumb enough to overlook this.

If you want to kick me while I'm down, then... bring it on, I guess. I feel I deserve it.

If you can commiserate with a story about a time your felt you failed your child, please share. It might help me to feel less shit.

OP posts:
alinemarcos · 15/04/2025 14:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

justasking111 · 15/04/2025 14:58

ConstitutionHill · 15/04/2025 13:44

You've probably got more important things on your mind. What's all this feeling like "the shittest mother" hyperbole, seeing a lot of it lately? Over some minor thing. There clearly ARE some really shit parents out there if you read the new so why all the unnecessary drama?

The empathy gene bypassed you then

morellamalessdrama · 15/04/2025 15:04

It’s hard when they’re young and going out on their own with friends aa it’s all new to them. It’s not your fault that the bank issue came up and if his friends are anything like my 13 year olds son’ friends then I’m sure it wasn’t a malicious thing that they didn’t offer to pay, it would’ve been that they didn’t have money or quite frankly it didn’t occur to them because they are 13!

Things will feel much better tomorrow, perhaps you could pay for them all to have a McDonald’s or pizza another time during the holidays. Try not to beat yourself up, these things happen and it’s a bit of shit at the time, but it will move on very quickly.

Delphiniumandlupins · 15/04/2025 15:05

Ach, it's one of those times when you have both learnt a lot, unfortunately a little too late. It's good he phoned you when he had a problem and you can plan ahead for future trips out. Any of his friends not able to make today's cinema trip who might want to go another day? Cinema snacks are very expensive!

Miaowzabella · 15/04/2025 15:16

Your son is making a very big fuss about a minor social embarrassment.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 15/04/2025 15:20

I think people are even being a bit harsh on his mates.

They're all in the phase of learning to look out for each other. They might well have assumed he'd be in after them in a minute.

But I suppose all the shitty comments are coming from perfect people who never messed up at that age...

Wallywobbles · 15/04/2025 15:26

I’m in France and the youth accounts are a bit shit here too. But he is also responsible for knowing how it works. And that is the message you should both talk away from this. If you spend all your allowance in crap you don’t get to do the fun stuff. Rather a good lesson all in all.

FortyElephants · 15/04/2025 15:30

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 15/04/2025 15:20

I think people are even being a bit harsh on his mates.

They're all in the phase of learning to look out for each other. They might well have assumed he'd be in after them in a minute.

But I suppose all the shitty comments are coming from perfect people who never messed up at that age...

This! They are 13, probably don't have a lot of their own money. They may have been given ticket money by their parents with no spare, or only enough for snacks or whatever. At 16 I'd expect friends to lend it but it's not reasonable to expect 13 year olds to have access to extra £10s and the power to lend it to friends without consulting parents.

CautiousLurker01 · 15/04/2025 15:31

If this had happened to my DS he’d have texted/called and I’d have fixed it and/or sent money to one of his mates so that they could sub him. Might be worth talking to him and explaining that this is a route he can follow if/when it happens again (cards get declined for lots of reasons, such as faulty strips, so always worth having a backup plan).

blueshoes · 15/04/2025 15:43

CautiousLurker01 · 15/04/2025 15:31

If this had happened to my DS he’d have texted/called and I’d have fixed it and/or sent money to one of his mates so that they could sub him. Might be worth talking to him and explaining that this is a route he can follow if/when it happens again (cards get declined for lots of reasons, such as faulty strips, so always worth having a backup plan).

He did call. Read the OP's posts.

Shinyandnew1 · 15/04/2025 18:42

He is now home, understandably upset with me, and I feel like the world's shittest mother. I

Why is he upset with you?! Try to get some perspective. This sounds like a cock up but nobody's fault! Make sure it doesn't happen again by sorting his card and giving him an emergency £20 in his phone case (my kids have always had this tucked away just in case).

LoyalMember · 16/04/2025 08:05

Shinyandnew1 · 15/04/2025 18:42

He is now home, understandably upset with me, and I feel like the world's shittest mother. I

Why is he upset with you?! Try to get some perspective. This sounds like a cock up but nobody's fault! Make sure it doesn't happen again by sorting his card and giving him an emergency £20 in his phone case (my kids have always had this tucked away just in case).

That'll be fun if he has to use it. Kids these days look at paper money and coins like they're vicious scorpions about to sting them to death...😁

RedSkyDelights · 16/04/2025 08:26

LoyalMember · 16/04/2025 08:05

That'll be fun if he has to use it. Kids these days look at paper money and coins like they're vicious scorpions about to sting them to death...😁

Show quote history

Emergency pre-paid card in his phone case would be a better option.

GiveDogBone · 16/04/2025 18:30

Jeez. Nobody died. He sounds spoilt, and if you’re that worried about your son’s feelings, I’m going to guess you haven’t been the best parent to him.

Beautifulweeds · 16/04/2025 18:42

He should've rung you or a friend pay and owe them. The days of just taking cash were simpler for these things as kids. Xx

FortyElephants · 16/04/2025 18:53

GiveDogBone · 16/04/2025 18:30

Jeez. Nobody died. He sounds spoilt, and if you’re that worried about your son’s feelings, I’m going to guess you haven’t been the best parent to him.

Edited

He doesn't sound spoilt. What a horrible comment.

rosemarble · 16/04/2025 18:55

I've only read OP's posts.

I'm sorry to hear what happened. Don't be hard on yourself, it was a genuine oversight.
At 13 they're just learning this sort of independence. They learn it now when they've got good support/backup from parents and it helps them mature. It won't happen again - you'll make sure his account is set up properly, he'll check it's set up properly and the friends will hopefully make sure there is a backup plan in place.

TheBerry · 16/04/2025 19:00

I think you’re all being a bit dramatic.

Disappointing for DS but just one of those day-to-day life things. If this is the worst you’ve ever messed up, congrats!!

You’ll know for next time.

beentheresolong · 16/04/2025 19:24

Had teenagers too long ago to be doing anything other than giving them cash, but gave one a haircut just before Christmas one year, did it beautifully and was just finishing off when I forgot to put the blade on the clippers and left him with a badly placed shaved patch for the festive season . . . We survived. Do feel less shit.

Dagnabit · 16/04/2025 19:29

Ah, bless him! Don’t feel bad, he will get over it and realise it was just one of those things.

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/04/2025 19:41

Don't worry OP. He got taught an important financial lesson today.

knor · 16/04/2025 20:04

Sounds like it was a complete accident OP so I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it. It’s a shame one of his friends did offer to pay for him. Can you suggest to him they go again before holidays are over? Or you take him as a treat at weekend?

SeaSwim5 · 16/04/2025 20:16

I’m not sure why a 13 year old would or should have a ‘spend limit’ tbh. My DC were teens in the early 2010s and this wasn’t a thing. It was their account and I had no involvement in it.

No wonder so many young adults lack independence these days when they are infantilised like this. How can they learn how to budget or save if they don’t have control over their own money?

99problems99 · 16/04/2025 20:24

MeanWeedratStew · 15/04/2025 07:55

Long story short: My teenage son went to the cinema with friends today (it's school holidays where we live). He has a bank account that's attached to mine. I checked it early this morning, saw that he had plenty of money in it, figured he would be fine.

What I didn't realise, however, was that his account has a weekly spend limit as a default setting. I, as his parent, have to manually change this limit online. I didn't know this. My son's card was declined and he missed out on seeing the film with his friends. He is now home, understandably upset with me, and I feel like the world's shittest mother. I feel like I'm always double and triple checking everything to do with my kids, and I just can't believe I was dumb enough to overlook this.

If you want to kick me while I'm down, then... bring it on, I guess. I feel I deserve it.

If you can commiserate with a story about a time your felt you failed your child, please share. It might help me to feel less shit.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. These things happen, he will get over it. My son(9) had his Easter assembly last week where they sang and had awards given out. I was working and no way of being able to go to my husband said he would go. He got the time wrong and missed it. She there was nobody there to watch our son and he was expecting his dad. He was very understanding and forgiving but I cried in the bathroom and makes me sick when I think about it

celticprincess · 16/04/2025 20:24

I love how everyone is saying one of his friends could have subbed him. My DD who goes out would never have enough money to sub someone a cinema ticket. For the Minecraft movie in 3D the tickets were £12 including the glasses - she prefers to sit near the back. She’s bad a saving and I usually try to get her to pay her own way but if she’s going with a friend I just make sure she’s got enough, not twice enough. Also it’s cheaper to buy online so when my DD did go she got me to order the tickets online and got the cash from her friends and laid me back when she got home. She’s done the same for an escape room this week too. I’ve paid, she’s given me her money and will get the friends money off them. I can’t afford to pay for their friends!!

But also she does often ring me when out of she’s not quite got enough so that I can ping money over. We’ve never had spend limits though.