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Original poster

So... I ruined my son's day out

246 replies

MeanWeedratStew · 15/04/2025 07:55

Long story short: My teenage son went to the cinema with friends today (it's school holidays where we live). He has a bank account that's attached to mine. I checked it early this morning, saw that he had plenty of money in it, figured he would be fine.

What I didn't realise, however, was that his account has a weekly spend limit as a default setting. I, as his parent, have to manually change this limit online. I didn't know this. My son's card was declined and he missed out on seeing the film with his friends. He is now home, understandably upset with me, and I feel like the world's shittest mother. I feel like I'm always double and triple checking everything to do with my kids, and I just can't believe I was dumb enough to overlook this.

If you want to kick me while I'm down, then... bring it on, I guess. I feel I deserve it.

If you can commiserate with a story about a time your felt you failed your child, please share. It might help me to feel less shit.

OP posts:
Quiceinalifetime · 15/04/2025 08:38

It was just a mistake. People make them, even conscientious parents. Your son will survive this setback.

Sunnyside4 · 15/04/2025 08:38

A genuine mistake. I work in a well known shop and younger people often have to go off and speak to their parents as they can't pay, and then some return a short while later - didn't realise this was why myself.

Another time, point out he could ask friends for a sub or at least phone you to discuss.

Anyway, of making it up by suggesting he can have a friend(s) around for a pizza one day during the hols?

Original poster
MeanWeedratStew · 15/04/2025 08:39

@DecayedStrumpet yep, it’s Minecraft! I’m not keen but I’ll do it to make him happy.

@Anonykunt yeah, I know. I guess I just wanted to head it off at the pass. Depending on the day, OPs can get ripped to shreds on MN over minor things. I just wanted to be prepared in case today was one of those days.

OP posts:
Firenzeflower · 15/04/2025 08:39

These things happen. I made my child get up and go to a revision session at school and it was the wrong one. Epic parenting fail.

crumblingschools · 15/04/2025 08:41

@Sunnyside4 he did phone OP.

DS usually kept £10 note in a jeans pocket for just in case moments. Luckily modern notes are very washable!

Bestfootforward11 · 15/04/2025 08:42

Don’t feel bad, you sound like a brilliant mum. None of us are perfect and you mustn’t hold yourself to always getting everything right as that is impossible. I’m guessing your son was disappointed. But that’s ok, he will encounter lots of times when things don’t go to plan. You now both know more about how the card works and he can see the film another time. You both need to find ways to manage feelings when things don’t pan out the way you planned and ways of talking about it. Best wishes. X

Zanatdy · 15/04/2025 08:43

My son has my bank card attached to his apple pay for emergencies. That way he can just tap with my card. Rarely does, but he is away at uni so good to know he has always got a back up. Shame one of his friends didn’t cover it for a few hrs.

Toddlerteaplease · 15/04/2025 08:45

So he could still have seen the film, but didn’t because he couldn’t sit near his friend's. That’s not your fault at all.

Dragonsandcats · 15/04/2025 08:46

You feel awful because you’re a lovely mum and your son is disappointed but you did nothing wrong. How were you meant to know there was a spend limit, I wouldn’t. He’ll know what to do next time, it’s just a shame. Hopefully he’ll arrange something else fun to do with his mates and forget all about it.

Headingtowardsdivorce · 15/04/2025 08:48

It's not the end of the world, this is the sort of thing that builds resilience, try to reframe it as that!

FridayFeelingmidweek · 15/04/2025 08:48

What a great learning opportunity... for him!

  1. Take cash as a back up. You never know when tech will let you down.
  2. Check everything he needs (such as spend limits being set) is discussed before he goes out.

It's not your job to run their lives.

Lund · 15/04/2025 08:49

If it’s Minecraft, it’s more than about seeing the film - it’s a bit of an ‘experience’ for teens at the moment - have a look online! He will be very disappointed, so I’d let him have that feeling for now. Some learnings for the future which will work out for him in the long run. I’m not sure he’ll be keen to see it with his mum anyway but maybe some friends will want to go again?

pinotnow · 15/04/2025 08:52

Sounds like an annoying set-up really and a pain to manage. I can see the thinking behind it but really all it does it stop teens from learning to budget themselves as the card prevents them from overspending and the responsibility remains with the parent. I do think this should have been explicitly discussed when he was given the card, but I appreciate it was an oversight.

Savings should be kept in savings accounts with better interest rates than current accounts and those don't tend to have debit cards attached, preventing over-spending anyway. My dc have savings accounts with current accounts attached and they are responsible for switching the money between the two accounts using the app and have been since they were around 14. They do have longer-term savings they can't access at all, but I wouldn't want to be micro-managing the relatively modest sums they have in these accounts as they wouldn't learn anything from that. It seems to be working - ds2 describes himself as 'broke' if the savings go below £500 - he'll learn 😅.

spicemaiden · 15/04/2025 08:54

Your son has bad friends

Goldbar · 15/04/2025 08:54

It's just one of those things. It's not your fault. I know it's difficult when they're upset but it's not your job to smooth every disappointment out of your son's way. And I know this wasn't your intention, but he will learn a lesson from it which is that mum is not infallible and he needs to check things himself or have a plan B if he wants to get through life without any other inconveniences like this. In future, just keep a back-up £20 spare in a wallet than he can take when out with friends in case of payment issues.

I fell into a similar trap with my 7yo a while ago - ice cream van and I'd promised an ice cream, but my phone payment app wasn't working and I'd left my card at home and had no cash. So no ice cream. 7yo had been looking forward to the ice cream truck coming all afternoon so was very upset. I felt terrible but what can you do? I'm not omniscient and I can't plan for every eventuality.

Goldbar · 15/04/2025 08:55

spicemaiden · 15/04/2025 08:54

Your son has bad friends

Or young friends who are a bit helpless themselves.

TheaBrandt1 · 15/04/2025 08:55

I hope you’re not berating yourself and going on about it and how terrible you are in front of him? He needs to learn shit happens and people even well intentioned ones make mistakes. A better lesson would be working out to have fix the issue for himself at the time.

autisticbookworm · 15/04/2025 08:55

Neither of you knew. It’s one of those things. In a month he won’t remember.

itsgettingweird · 15/04/2025 08:55

You don’t deserve a kicking. These things happen and life will always throw curve balls we have to be resilient against.

When he found himself in that situation what did your ds do to solve it and what skills does he need to learn to overcome an inconvenience such as his again?

winterwarmer8274 · 15/04/2025 08:57

Maybe he will be careful not to spend as much on snacks in the future now 😂

Cam1981 · 15/04/2025 08:58

spicemaiden · 15/04/2025 08:54

Your son has bad friends

Oh stop. What if the friends were only sent with enough money to buy their ticket and snacks

Cam1981 · 15/04/2025 08:58

winterwarmer8274 · 15/04/2025 08:57

Maybe he will be careful not to spend as much on snacks in the future now 😂

He had a enough money he didn’t realise there was a spend limit and mum forgot to switch it off

TheaBrandt1 · 15/04/2025 08:59

My memory has gone to pot with peri and I have a lot on so I have told my two (older teens) that they are on their own. I lost £100 mil gave Dd which she for some reason gave to me to look after. I just can’t remember this stuff and be the omnipotent mummy who sorts everything out for everyone any more I have resigned they need to do that themselves now.

goodnightssleepbenice · 15/04/2025 08:59

dont be so harsh on yourself , and he will get over it. Has he got another friend that wasn’t going on that day and he can arrange another trip ?

Missey85 · 15/04/2025 09:01

Not your fault he could have rung you when it didn't work and fixed it