So... I ruined my son's day out

[MeanWeedratStew]

Long story short: My teenage son went to the cinema with friends today (it's school holidays where we live). He has a bank account that's attached to mine. I checked it early this morning, saw that he had plenty of money in it, figured he would be fine.

What I didn't realise, however, was that his account has a weekly spend limit as a default setting. I, as his parent, have to manually change this limit online. I didn't know this. My son's card was declined and he missed out on seeing the film with his friends. He is now home, understandably upset with me, and I feel like the world's shittest mother. I feel like I'm always double and triple checking everything to do with my kids, and I just can't believe I was dumb enough to overlook this.

If you want to kick me while I'm down, then... bring it on, I guess. I feel I deserve it.

If you can commiserate with a story about a time your felt you failed your child, please share. It might help me to feel less shit.

You dont need to beat yourself up. Stuff like this happens.

Next time he could have some cash ready too as a back up. Shame none of his friends had any spare money to lend him.

It’s not a big deal. He will have to learn how to bear the disappointment. It will make him more resilient.

This is total overreaction. Set up a Revolut account for him (if you have an account yourself it is free) makes everything way easier. You can just text him money whenever he needs it and see where it is being spent)

Your current system is never going to work, he needs his own account. Revolut is excellent for this.

Quiet and withdrawn - do you mean punishing you with the silent treatment?

I don't understand how this is such a big deal, he missed a movie with his mates and you're there feeling sorry for yourself for being a terrible person, wtf?

It's not a big deal. Teach your son to express and move on from minor mistakes and disappointment and not look to blame and punish someone else for how he's feeling.

A lot worse is going to happen in life and he and you can't be punishing you for everything.

Modern life is complicated! I have added a credit card of mine to DS's Apple Pay in case he gets caught in an emergency with no money. He knows not to use it for spends, and it's got a low limit but it means he can use it if he needs to. Of course in the old days if you lost your cash you were stuck but it feels like modern ways of managing money can make things simpler and also more complicated.

This! Why didn’t he call, you or borrow from a mate? None of my kids’ friendship groups would ever have just left them outside, that’s bizarre!

Anticipating you’re going to getting a kicking over a very minor oversight that could have been easily rectified by your son, and berating yourself over ‘failing him’ and ‘ruining his day’ seems wildly dramatic.

It sounds like he could have done it if he'd bought the cinema tickets first. Maybe this'll teach him to prioritise the order of his spending (which I would say alot of people have to do).

This was a fair reaction at the time, on the day, but it’s an overreaction to keep it up. You have both realised what the error was an know how to prevent it happening again. He missed a film, it’s not the end of the world. He needs a bit of resilience now, to keep this in perspective and bounce back. Going by the wording of your opening post I’d say you are framing it as more of a crisis than it needs to be. Keep some perspective yourself and you’ll help him have some resilience himself.

People who are saying his friends should have paid - they're 13, the OP said he was new to going out, maybe his friends were also new to it and just didn't think of offering to pay, didn't know if they would be allowed, or they had spending limits too. Or they assumed that as he was phoning his mum it would all be sorted out in a minute. 13 year olds don't know everything! In some ways it's a learning experience for them too. I bet if any of them went home and told their parents what had happened they would have got the all clear to treat their friend another time.

So wait, he had the money available when he went out, but prioritised buying snacks over his ticket? Surely the logical thing to do - even for a 13yo - is to buy the ticket first? Harsh way to learn his lesson, but maybe he'll remember in the future!

No one’s fault and you as the adult know that it’s not the end of the world, so it’s important that you show that to your DS. Don’t make a big deal out of it, show him how to roll with the punches.

How did he get home?

No.

He had plenty of money in his account. But unbeknownst to him and his mum there was a daily spend limit on the account.

Hd didn’t do anything like what you are suggesting.

Agree with this

Frustrating and disappointing experience, yes

But not the end of the world and best to treat it as a learning experience

And they didn’t even yhink to save him a seat?

sorry, they’ve been seat saving since they were in school - it’s something kids do.

theyre crap friends

I get it op I’d feel really bad too but this too shall pass.

How can they save a seat in the cinema?? Seats get sold, not saved

Our local cinema tickets are for allocated seats, not sit where you like

Fair. But depends on yhd cinema. Some do just sell tickets and the seats are a free for all.

They're young, it's a learning curve.

I think I would have gone online and booked a seat, however you'd have needed to know where his friends were sitting.

He did call, she's explained it all. You can click 'see all' for OP's posts if you want to see all the updates before commenting.

OP said that all the seats near his friends were gone by the time she sorted the card out. You can click 'see all' to OP's posts if you want to see all the updates before commenting.

What a non event. Some small learning for both of you.

They couldn’t save him a seat. You reserve a specific seat when buying your ticket (we’re not in the UK, it may be different there).

OP - I know some are saying it’s a bit of an over reaction.

Whats life like for your son normally? Is he popular and included and gets opportunities or has life been pretty difficult for a while?

m Because if it’s the latter, I completely get it.