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Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

716 replies

singlewhitetrashheap · 07/04/2025 17:41

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

OP posts:
Viviandcoco · 07/04/2025 23:36

This guy I dated once had white streaks down the side of his car which he apologised for and said ‘I brush my teeth in the car on my way to work to save time’ 🤢

ThisFluentBiscuit · 07/04/2025 23:37

Pandimoanymum · 07/04/2025 19:03

The first (and last time) I slept with someone I'd had a few dates with and really liked, he made absolutely no noise whatsover during sex. Nothing, not even when he came. It felt completely robotic and I had no idea if he was even enjoying it, until he wanted to "go again". Eww, it was so weird. I'm not loud by any means, but I'd never been with a man who didn't emit at least a few sounds of pleasure!

Oh yes, I had someone orgasm in complete silence during a blow job. V. odd. And we stayed in touch as friends, and he went on for years after about how good it was.

Plantmother71 · 07/04/2025 23:37

SausageMashBeans · 07/04/2025 22:04

I think we must have slept with the same guy 😂 one time he was on top and sweat from his head dripped into my eye 🤮

Funnily enough I was thinking the same - though mines ‘moves’ were less sexy and more cystitis and thrush inducing (he thought grinding his bones against mine was sexy), that’s when I found out bigger is definitely not better.

😂😂😂

Pandimoanymum · 07/04/2025 23:43

Littletoomuchsalt · 07/04/2025 20:32

Told me he had to go offline (chatting on Facebook messenger I believe) to shower because he had a ‘stinky winky’.

He never did get to show me quite how stinky it got 🤢

Omg i cant breathe for laughing 🤣🤣🤣
This entire thread is pure gold, I’m l loving the weird kissing ones too. “Smothered by a pork chop” “suffocated by a squid” 🤣🤣

ChessorBuckaroo · 07/04/2025 23:43

Pandimoanymum · 07/04/2025 19:21

The idea of a man with a purse sent me into hysterics, and I don't know why it's so funny 😂

Man with a purse? This might just be the funniest thing you will ever see.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cl-cXOHeyL4

PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 07/04/2025 23:44

LT1233 · 07/04/2025 22:57

My husband gives me the ick by lying in bed, I don't know why, it's just him lying there with the duvet tucked up to his chin all vulnerable. Also can't stand him singing to any sort of indy music. And the way he towel dries himself, literally loafers his entire body violently, surprised there's any skin left.

Edited

Oh,god,that reminds me...he used to wrap himself in his towel after a shower like you would a child, round his shoulders and up to his chin or even over his head!

Curlyshabtree · 07/04/2025 23:44

I was off on a work trip to San Francisco and my then bf couldn’t find it on a map, he even struggled to find the US. I was horrified! This was a guy who had travelled a bit.
It was down hill from there.

RSavernake · 07/04/2025 23:52

He was really into his horoscopes and fortune tellers and that sort of stuff.

RenoDakota · 08/04/2025 00:13

An old boyfriend said "chips and fish". Didn't last long.

Current one skating on thin ice as he can't clap properly. Is so out of time it is painful.

Finetoday · 08/04/2025 00:17

Asked for mild at Nando’s

Pandimoanymum · 08/04/2025 00:22

FlibbertyGibbitt · 07/04/2025 21:22

Also whilst at school aged 15 ish I started “ going out with” a boy who was a year older and from a village about 6 miles away. He went on exam leave but decided to ride in the pouring rain rain to school to see me one lunch. Looked like a drowned rat. Gave me the ick there and then. He rang up a day later asking if I wanted to go to his house for tea so I lied (as you do) that I was going to my gran’s for tea, and said I didn’t want to see him again.

I was brutal 🤣

Oh bless him, I actually think that's quite romantic. Riding to see you in the rain I mean, not going to his house for tea 😂

Pandimoanymum · 08/04/2025 00:24

RenoDakota · 08/04/2025 00:13

An old boyfriend said "chips and fish". Didn't last long.

Current one skating on thin ice as he can't clap properly. Is so out of time it is painful.

This instantly conjured up an image of sea-lion clapping, I think it's the mention of the ice 😂

Pandimoanymum · 08/04/2025 00:31

FoxRedPuppy · 07/04/2025 23:05

When I was online dating “university of life” would make my vagina clamp shut. That and “own house, own car”

Oh yeah, I totally forgot about the online dating ones!
Text talk/bad spelling used to make me cringe. "lookin 4 my sole m8" 😫
Also, those awful shirtless photos they take in the bathroom mirror.

Isanyonereallyanonymous · 08/04/2025 00:39

He wore a cardigan.
FWB and I was already starting to lose interest and that was the final nail in the coffin. Shame as he was a nice bloke and there’s nothing really wrong with cardigans. But they give me the ick 🤷‍♀️

theickisreal · 08/04/2025 00:44

Inastatus · 07/04/2025 22:19

@Crinkle77 - yeah, I went out with a guy like this too, incredibly small in that department, my secret name for him was Justin. Didn’t last long.

NC for this but yeah same thing with a guy recently
I have known him a decade but we are back in touch and everything is perfect about him except for I think it’s medically a micro penis? Probably the size of my little finger
ARGH. He’s so lovely too and we get on great

saltandvinegarchipsticks · 08/04/2025 00:51

A brief relationship with a man who only ate sausage, mash and peas.

A sadly longer relationship with a man who loudly belched every single day the minute he got through the door after work, it was like the Mariah Carey of belches, several syllables.

Somehow I didn’t dump him for the belching but it was the start of a slippery slope which ended when he showed up wearing a pair of those tiny shiny blue nylon sports shorts that were popular in the 80s.

sweetgingercat · 08/04/2025 00:54

He sent me a card which he'd sprayed with some icky perfume. It stank out my bedroom and I had to put it outside the window. Two weeks later it still smelt intolerable. He had to go.

Naepalz · 08/04/2025 00:59

pelargoniums · 07/04/2025 18:26

He painted a portrait of my cat.

Omg I'd be thrilled 😂

JohnKettleyIsAWeathermanAndSoIsMichaelFish · 08/04/2025 01:39

We'd been out on a first date to a noisy gig. It was great. On the train on the way home I started to feel like shit as a migraine kicked in. I told him I wasn't feeling well. Next day at work I got a massive bunch of flowers from him with a note apologising for whatever it was he'd done wrong. I still felt like shit and as the receptionist excitedly walked into my office with this huge bouquet I wanted the earth to swallow me up. Mind you, I was a sulky 16 year old and didn't appreciate the attention.

coxesorangepippin · 08/04/2025 01:44

'Vat is dat'
😂 😂

coxesorangepippin · 08/04/2025 02:00

RenoDakota · 08/04/2025 00:13

An old boyfriend said "chips and fish". Didn't last long.

Current one skating on thin ice as he can't clap properly. Is so out of time it is painful.

😂 can't clap

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 02:01

RenoDakota · 08/04/2025 00:13

An old boyfriend said "chips and fish". Didn't last long.

Current one skating on thin ice as he can't clap properly. Is so out of time it is painful.

Oh dear. You wouldn't like me, then. I've been known to say "chish and fips." 😂

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 02:05

Littletoomuchsalt · 07/04/2025 20:32

Told me he had to go offline (chatting on Facebook messenger I believe) to shower because he had a ‘stinky winky’.

He never did get to show me quite how stinky it got 🤢

This absolutely cannot be real. Who the hell tells anyone that they have to go because their genitals smell? Maybe he was trying to put you off!

Imbluedalale · 08/04/2025 02:15

Went for a meal. Waiter came to take order and put his hand out to collect the menus from us. Date thought the waiter wanted to shake his hand so date stood up and grabbed waiters hand and shook it viciously 🤮

herrewegoagain · 08/04/2025 02:38

Dated a guy from school who gave me a locket from H Samuel and a teddy sprayed with his aftershave for my birthday. I dated him when we were 31!

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