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Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

716 replies

singlewhitetrashheap · 07/04/2025 17:41

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

OP posts:
HidingFromDD · 07/04/2025 23:05

Gave a constant running commentary during sex, was like sleeping with David Attenborough. Decided to give him a second chance (he was actual quite good at it) but couldn’t get passed that

FoxRedPuppy · 07/04/2025 23:05

When I was online dating “university of life” would make my vagina clamp shut. That and “own house, own car”

candycane222 · 07/04/2025 23:08

wreckingmybread · 07/04/2025 22:53

Stayed over at his for the first time and noticed dozens of little gold star stickers on the wardrobe (it was a rented house share so I just assumed it used to be a kids’ room).

Jokingly asked ‘so you’re into interior design then?’ and he said no, and THEN explained to me about how they were just ‘fun’ spot stickers and that after he’d used them to ‘suck out whiteheads’ he’d stick them on the wardrobe.

Dozens.

Oh oh oh I actually covered my mouth in horror at that one 😭😭😭😭😭

typhon · 07/04/2025 23:09

These are all different women. Some of them quite shallow - I'm sorry.

  1. Spoke in a really quiet breathy voice all the time. I could honestly only make out one word in three.
  2. Bits of toilet paper were stuck to her when I went down on her. I didn't say anything and disposed of them discretely as I continued but didn't repeat the experience.
  3. Refused to use public transport. (In London)
  4. Insisted I pay her bus fare, and gave me the cash to do so. (Before contactless was a thing)
  5. Fanned her crotch to cool down after orgasming.
  6. Refused to eat seafood in Belgium. I never did find out if she would have eaten seafood elsewhere.
  7. Proudly asked me to check out how soggy her knickers were after we'd had sex - so they'd been removed for close to an hour maybe. They were actually a bit crusty.
  8. Showed me her electroplated goldfish (her own artwork).
Diydanny · 07/04/2025 23:10

Christ0nABike · 07/04/2025 19:48

A really bad kiss. Fancied him for ages and eventually went in for a snog on a night out. It felt like I was being smothered with a pork chop. Never again.

Sooo funny🤣

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 23:11

@FoxRedPuppy and ‘school of hard knocks’

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 07/04/2025 23:11

pelargoniums · 07/04/2025 18:26

He painted a portrait of my cat.

Was it not very flattering and the cat said Niaow?

Zippidydoodah · 07/04/2025 23:12

Shitmonger · 07/04/2025 21:53

He had a tiny little white poodle thing named Lady May. And he talked to her in a high-pitched baby voice that made me want to throw myself off of the nearest bridge. I’m sorry but if he has a dog that can be carried in a purse I just can’t do it. 😂

😂😂😂😂

FoxRedPuppy · 07/04/2025 23:12

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 23:11

@FoxRedPuppy and ‘school of hard knocks’

🔐🔐🔐

typhon · 07/04/2025 23:13

Oh, one more - kept using the word "pussy". 🤢

828Pax · 07/04/2025 23:13

His cat died..which was obviously sad.

The massive, long paragraph dedicated to this cat on his social media gave me the ick big time. I still chuckle to myself now when I think of it

LT1233 · 07/04/2025 23:14

typhon · 07/04/2025 23:13

Oh, one more - kept using the word "pussy". 🤢

Number 1 nope for me that. Absolutely hate it. Couldn't pay me to say that word.

lifeonmars100 · 07/04/2025 23:17

I'm now looking back on my life and wondering what I may have said, done, worn, eaten, listened to, drawn breath, danced to, commented on, had an opinion about that might have made a man have the "ick" with me. Feeling paranoid now!

reesewithoutaspoon · 07/04/2025 23:18

Turned up for a date with ankle boots that had cuban heels.

Jacopo · 07/04/2025 23:21

Wrote me a poem of which the first line was “Fly through the universe on a cloud with me”.

PoorUncleBarry · 07/04/2025 23:22

First ever boyfriend wore an American ice hockey jersey with black jeans which had a minimum of 5 mystery stains ... kept them on for a week. To finish this outfit he wore black thigh high pleather platform shoes. He took my dog for a walk and it ended with me screaming laughing because my bull mastiff took him on a very sprightly run. He was on the dole but was dedicated to his art, which transpired to be batman films that he recorded in his back garden on a trampoline. He was 19.

PollyCreo · 07/04/2025 23:25

I've just remembered another odd one. An ex army guy, used to announce every Sunday morning that he was off to do his exercises. He'd stand in his back yard and do star jumps for 40 minutes but really flappily. No press ups, crunches or burpees, just flappy star jumps. And only on a Sunday, in his army keks with no shirt on (he'd left the army 24 years previously). I'd sit in the kitchen with my coffee and his cat like WTF.

theDudesmummy · 07/04/2025 23:25

I have written about this before, but I still haven't got over it and it was >20 years ago: turned up for a date (first date, set up by a friend) at a very smart London restaurant (in Knightsbridge) in a (obviously not new) very woolly/cozy-looking pale blue cardigan, buttoned all the way up to the top.

(He also made me pay for dinner by disappearing to the loo as the bill arrived and staying there for 20 minutes, but I was only too pleased to get away by that stage. Didn't see him again!).

DoYouReally · 07/04/2025 23:27

I spent many teenage years lusting after a very attractive guy called Mark. When he asked me out in my 20s, I thought I had hit the jackpot.

I soon discovered Mark liked Mark idioms and phrases.

  • Put a Mark on the wall
  • Mark my words
  • He left a Mark
  • That's wide of the Mark
  • You missed the Mark
  • That's a black Mark
  • On your marks

Not only that he would laugh ridiculously for about 5 minutes after he got a saying into a conversation and say "that was a good one, wasn't it? and just crack up in hysterics.

Every single conversation and I don't think he ever went longer than 20 minute without using one of his "Mark phrases".

It was painful. I dated him for 3 months before I went insane!

theDudesmummy · 07/04/2025 23:30

The Mark one is hilarious! Remarkable really.

LegoTherapy · 07/04/2025 23:32

@TwistedWonderi think I married him 🤮 I divorced him too.

MiniLights · 07/04/2025 23:32

Had a few dates and then was invited back to his for him to make me dinner. He refused to let me in the kitchen and kept the door closed. I asked why and he said it was a bit of a mess. I laughed and said it didn't bother me, assuming it would be a messy counter top. I then tried to take the plates in and he stopped me but not before seeing the floor and every surface was covered in filth and empty boxes and containers. It was a real shock as the rest of his place was very tidy. I left and never saw him again.

Another guy lived alone and had a pink velvety fluffy headboard. His side of the bed was immediately apparent as it was covered in a dark grease stain from him sitting up in bed. The other side was immaculate. He didn't even sit in the middle!

ICK!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 07/04/2025 23:32

I don't have a funny ick story. All of my icks have been well-earned!

DoYouReally · 07/04/2025 23:33

theDudesmummy · 07/04/2025 23:30

The Mark one is hilarious! Remarkable really.

I forgot that one until now!!!

There were loads I just can't remember them all.

Coffeedreaming · 07/04/2025 23:34

He ordered a Diet Coke on a date. (I know know!) but nope, that was it