Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

[singlewhitetrashheap]

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

He answered the phone (to someone else, I was just there) and said ‘who dis?’
Also hated the way he said the word bum- awful
word and he made it worse.
I know that’s unreasonable.

A friend set me up on a date when I was 17 he was 19. He was the perfect gentleman met me from my work placement walked me home so I could change met my mum and brother. Then we went to a popular local restaurant for a meal he paid for everything. But I just thought he was too nice. He never had a job wasn't in education or doing anything really. So he spent his dole money on a slap up meal to impress me. Leaving hardly anything for the rest of the week.

His dick had a bend to the right. That and the heroin addiction put me right off.

My older DSis told me she dated a guy, back in the early 70s and went right off him when he got his purse out 😄

Went on our first date aged 14 and someone I knew saw us and commented on how we looked so adorable together…
im 5ft and so was he. Just got the cringe

jokes on me as I’m still 5 foot and he’s 6ft and gorgeous and successful and he was clearly much nicer than shallow me

Men should not have purses, they just shouldn't. Wallets only.

Not shallow at all, one of my exes was the same, I couldn't feel a thing having sex!

Had a boyfriend who would eat all his food seperately and at once. Like all the peas, then all the mash, then all the sausages (for example) and they couldn’t touch each other. And he didn’t it with absolute precision. That was weird but what really gave me the ick was that when I commented on it, he put in such an effort to change it. To the point where he would try a bite from each but he was literally gagging at each mouthful.

Different blokes:

The grease from his hair smeared up my specs... Nope. Next.

On fancying a crack at an older bloke (job, car, house, in his 40s, I won't mention how old I was)... i could tolerate how boring he was, but the baggy white boxers that came up to his nipples, not so much. Ick.

Very enthusastic younger chap (by a few years not the age difference of the one above), very keen indeed... Wholly dyspraxic, whilst the rest of him was putting in the effort of a marathon runner and every limb was moving, his dick remained utterly motionless inside me. I gave this one a longer chance but he didn't learn a thing!

At agricultural college chasing my 'international shags'... Finnish lad who I assume was lovely but I did not speak a word, nor did he... Very enthusiastic but went at it like a rabbit including the falling over sideways making a sort of 'eeeeeeeeee' sound. Very small willy, made button mushrooms look generous. Nil point.

Still at agri college.... Welsh lad. Lovely but the smell of pig shit never truly went away.

Also at college.... Bristol (ran out of international ones)... ENORMOUS dick. Zero clue on what to do with it, absolutely considered having an enormous cock meant he didn't have to do anything else. NEEEEEEXT.

Thank you for such a funny thread.

I'll join in with:
Ruddy cheeks.
Matching polo shirt and socks.
Blunt fringe.
Whistly nose breather.

Had one who used tor shout "Honey......Honey.......HONEy.....HUN....Neeee" aa he came

And another who had 3 pairs of identical shoes

He called having sex 'doing naughties' and took his ironing home twice a month so his gran could iron his work shirts ( a two hour drive!!). He was 30 and a highly qualified professional.

Another had an incredibly high pitched laugh (sounded like a teenage girl). People would look at him when he laughed. He would also cry at the drop of a hat because everything in the world evoked intense difficult feelings...

Nope.

We were quite young, and he was not very good in bed - no idea how to explain it, its like did not know how to move - and when I mentioned it to a mutual friend she told me he offered money to an older girl we both knew to "teach him". All of our friends knew it but sort of dismissed it as him being silly and naïve. Yuk.

On a smaller scale - he also really liked wearing light blue jumper with massive balloon sleeves, and he closed his eyes dreamily when he danced in a sort of 80s new romantic way.

Apart from that, he was a decent, generous guy, had a really good job and a lovely family. But I just could not get past the ick.

My husband asks me to lay his large heavy dressing gown (the dressing gown of doom, I believe!) over him when he’s feeling cold in bed (it goes over the duvet already on him). Just the thought of it makes of angry-he wears socks as well. Hot feet in bed are awful!!
sorry, I digress!!
this thread is an absolute classic!!🙈🙈🤣🤣🤣

He had a belly button tattoo that was a ring around it. Sent a ‘thirst’ style pic of it to me 🥴 found it bizarre.

This will make you 🤮

A bit of old food transferred from his mouth to mine during a kiss 🤮 🤮 🤮

She cut her long hair short. We'd been together six months and all attraction evaporated overnight.

That's repulsive! Who does that during sex? 😳

If they weren't trainers, what were they?

I went out with a guy. He was a male model, gorgeous etc. I was at uni at the time and had a postcard on my desk with the Van Gogh sunflowers on it. He picked it up, stared at for a bit then said in broad Lancs accent (accent stated because I can't type it properly phonetically that's all) 'Van Goff like, is he famous?' I am no bloody culture vulture, but c'mon.

Ex who liked things VERY tidy. You had to take your shoes off un the car. Labels in cupboards matched to the front. Years later I bumped into him and he casually said his girlfriend sleeps in another room because she messes up the sheets.

Another ex who was a bit unexperienced I think, but had watched lots of MTV and would try and have sex with me like a 90s RnB music video....and I can barely type this....call me his 'shortie'....yuk yuk yuk. That lasted no time at all obviously.

A (male) ex of mine called his wallet a purse. I kept correcting him but he just carried on.

Forty five years later I’m sure he’s over it ! 🤣🤣

I recognise some of these!

I’ve had the utterly silent guy too… literally I only knew he had cum because he pulled out and I saw it in the condom… there was no change in pace or breathing and no noise at all. Weird.

And the sweaty guy…. literally dripping onto my face, into my eyes, into my mouth, all over me and my sheets.

The performative orgasm guy “oh god, oh god, oh god…. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…. oh god… oooooh…. Jesus…. I’m cumming….oh god… oh god…”

The guy who cried when he came. Big, hegging sobs. With tears.

The guy who said “I’m going to split you in two” as he entered me doggy style.

The one who asked if I’d breastfeed him from my non-lactating breasts.

One guy who had terrible dandruff and seemed not to care about it

the “I don’t need to brush my teeth” guy

And lastly, I once met a guy whose partner had died about 11 months previously. Lots of talk about how wonderful she was, how in love they had been etc. Had a post written and ready to go to post on Facebook on the day of her first anniversary but wasn’t going to go to the service her family had arranged because it would cost 30 quid on public transport… for context he earned very well and was not short of cash.

At university a guy asked if he could take me out to lunch the next day. It was the end of term, so I said "Sorry, I will be back home tomorrow" (200 miles away) and he said "I know". Really freaked me out.

Iv met Mr Silent too. So odd. One time we literally started having sex, I got on top and he said "iv cum" that was that.

Also had a Mr sweaty, left full body print on the sheets. We went camping once and he asked me if I wanted to go in the tent and "fool around" NOPE, vagina was tight shut and dried up.