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Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

716 replies

singlewhitetrashheap · 07/04/2025 17:41

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

OP posts:
Evolutionarygoals · 07/04/2025 22:39

VictoriaEra2 · 07/04/2025 22:33

Oh my goodness. I think I had the same experience. Hope it wasn’t the same bloke?
was it up North?

😂 there could be two of them! York - I'm from Scotland so I'm never sure if it counts as "up north" or not 😁

Fgfgfg · 07/04/2025 22:40
  1. His nose didn't suit his face.
  1. His only interest in music was his 'Now that's what I call...' CD
  1. Too clingy
  1. Bought a brown suede fringed cowboy jacket.

I was young.

Even though DP owned some questionable white jeans when we first met, for some strange reason, they didn't bother me. Must be true love.

Poonu · 07/04/2025 22:40

TheSilentSister · 07/04/2025 22:13

I've just realised that I'm incredibly shallow, lol

  1. Really nice bloke, into his music, slim/fit but had a really round face.
  2. Again, nice bloke, lots in common but he had a prominent adams apple, which I could not stop looking at when he spoke.
  3. He wore an old cowl neck jumper on the first date.
  4. Was allergic to cheese
  5. Several missing teeth
  6. Wore white socks

I'm sure there's loads more but these stood out.

I think you just won @TheSilentSister brilliant

GreenTurtles3 · 07/04/2025 22:41

I love this thread!!!

Richmansworld · 07/04/2025 22:41

SausageMashBeans · 07/04/2025 22:04

I think we must have slept with the same guy 😂 one time he was on top and sweat from his head dripped into my eye 🤮

@Pricelessadvice Hang on, how many of you have slept with my fella?? 🤣🤣 in his sweaty defence, he has a few health issues and is the most generous lover I have ever been with, so we laugh it off & go for a shower! Not quite enough to give me the "ick" yet... 😁

cestlaviecherie · 07/04/2025 22:42

Pandimoanymum · 07/04/2025 19:03

The first (and last time) I slept with someone I'd had a few dates with and really liked, he made absolutely no noise whatsover during sex. Nothing, not even when he came. It felt completely robotic and I had no idea if he was even enjoying it, until he wanted to "go again". Eww, it was so weird. I'm not loud by any means, but I'd never been with a man who didn't emit at least a few sounds of pleasure!

I'm the opposite, moaning sounds and cheesy lines really give me the ick. I prefer their bodies to do the talking.

Twinsybalinsy · 07/04/2025 22:42

He decided that his best chance of seduction was pencil rolling after me in the playground singing Limp Bizkit's "Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'" 😧

StrongbutTired00 · 07/04/2025 22:44

I was dating a man who tried to pretend he was filthy rich, he did have an enormous plush house but he had to borrow a mates car to take me on a date, I also stayed at his house while he went to work and the postman delivered a heap of red final warning bills. He bought me a pair of Ugg boots which took about 5 weeks to arrive and unsurprisingly ended up crumpling in at the inner heels 😂 China specials. He also played 80’s love songs for us to make love to and when I dumped him he would send me links to these songs saying he missed me 🥴 my toenails curl inwards whenever i think about him

StrongbutTired00 · 07/04/2025 22:44

The Aladdin and elf shoes are really making me lol

ExpatMum41 · 07/04/2025 22:45

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 22:14

@ExpatMum41 is he still alive do you know ?

Haven't heard anything about him in a while, so who knows?

He also thought that stupid song where a lady keeps repeating "all day, all night, what the f##k" was very funny and clever. Urrrgh.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 07/04/2025 22:45

Littletoomuchsalt · 07/04/2025 20:32

Told me he had to go offline (chatting on Facebook messenger I believe) to shower because he had a ‘stinky winky’.

He never did get to show me quite how stinky it got 🤢

😳

Peclet · 07/04/2025 22:47

Bought me one of those A4 sized satin padded valentines cards. I almost fainted clean away with the cringe.

wore a sort of open neck Lacey/corseted collared shirt. He loved it. It was awful.

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 22:48

@Peclet was it in a box

User5274959 · 07/04/2025 22:48

Small hands

Peclet · 07/04/2025 22:49

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 22:48

@Peclet was it in a box

Yes. I think it has a teddy bear holding a heart on it. It was horrendous.

VictoriaEra2 · 07/04/2025 22:51

Evolutionarygoals · 07/04/2025 22:39

😂 there could be two of them! York - I'm from Scotland so I'm never sure if it counts as "up north" or not 😁

This was Manchester. Goodness there must be two of them.

wreckingmybread · 07/04/2025 22:53

Stayed over at his for the first time and noticed dozens of little gold star stickers on the wardrobe (it was a rented house share so I just assumed it used to be a kids’ room).

Jokingly asked ‘so you’re into interior design then?’ and he said no, and THEN explained to me about how they were just ‘fun’ spot stickers and that after he’d used them to ‘suck out whiteheads’ he’d stick them on the wardrobe.

Dozens.

ClawsandEffect · 07/04/2025 22:53

So, so many. Some really rank, some just irritating.

Very averse to washing. Could go 4 or 5 days without. But still expected sex.

Did this weird, excited slapping of his hands thing.

Would pretend to be landing a plane, when pulling into a parking spot. Along with a running commentary.

Selfish. Always wanted others to do things for them, but very very rarely returned the favour. It started to become really noticeable, the longer we were together. A real user, and not just of me.

Smoked and had real, foul, smokers breath. Not fag breath. That really rank, vile bad breath caused by smoking.

Beeloux · 07/04/2025 22:55

I had an ex who refused to wear underwear under his trousers and would wear the same ones for days in a row (normally skinny jeans about 2 sizes too small) 😫He was a GP and used to say underwear would damage his sperm count. 😂

PluckyBamboo · 07/04/2025 22:55

Teenage years, told me his balls were so full it was painful and I had to help him out for medicinal reasons 🤣

Wasn't impressed when I told him to FO and spend the night with 'Palm and her 5 friends'.

LT1233 · 07/04/2025 22:57

My husband gives me the ick by lying in bed, I don't know why, it's just him lying there with the duvet tucked up to his chin all vulnerable. Also can't stand him singing to any sort of indy music. And the way he towel dries himself, literally loafers his entire body violently, surprised there's any skin left.

Loloj · 07/04/2025 22:58

Grazyna80 · 07/04/2025 19:06

He said once in stupid voice - I want a cup of cha -cha , instead I want a cup of tea. I’m actually cringing right now.

Hahahahaha - I don’t know why but this has really made me lol

BeatleBattleInABottle · 07/04/2025 22:58

singlewhitetrashheap · 07/04/2025 21:02

We need an ICK reaction emoji.

ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

Love it! 🤣
Mike you are now immortalised as an ick emoji. 🤣🤣🤣

AnotherNaCha · 07/04/2025 23:04

LT1233 · 07/04/2025 22:57

My husband gives me the ick by lying in bed, I don't know why, it's just him lying there with the duvet tucked up to his chin all vulnerable. Also can't stand him singing to any sort of indy music. And the way he towel dries himself, literally loafers his entire body violently, surprised there's any skin left.

Edited

Yes! The bed thing!

Compounded if they’ve put an extra layer on in the night as “got chilly” and have the hood up

MissBridgetJones · 07/04/2025 23:05

Ribenaberry12 · 07/04/2025 19:13

He’d use American words for stuff like sidewalk, diapers, freeway.
I’d say “path?” And he’d be like “no, sidewalk”
My friend was training to be a solicitor and he insisted on referring to her as an attorney.
He was not American, had no American relatives, had never been to America.

I think I dated him too... he had a few work trips to USA and every time he came back with more delights...

Hard shakes (you know they have liquor in them, right?)

I put the groceries in the trunk..

I don't like Eggplant...

You went to a Public school on the Cotswolds you bellend... Smile

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