Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

[singlewhitetrashheap]

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

So many, and like many pps, can't believe I put up with so much when I was younger! More recent ones, now that I've learnt about boundaries, include...

• was some blood on the pillow so I was obviously, omg, you're bleeding...nothing to worry about, just an old scab on the top of his head that never healed properly and had been weeping for months 🤢

• had ibs, which he knew was brought on by eating dairy, yet continued to eat cheese then had the smelliest farts and longest shits, contaminating my whole house, swiftly dumped

• popped into his when dropping off, first visit, floor was gross. Loo and sink was clean but the bathroom floor must've never been cleaned, chest, head and public hair all along the skirtings 🤢 bent down to pet his dog and could smell stale wee. Such a shame as he was a lovely guy, and very presentable but I couldn't help but wonder how dirty his bedding would be if we ever slept together!

• guy I'd fancied for years, got chatting and had a one night stand...worst kisser I've known and he smelt all musty. Burst that bubble!

Hevwent to Radley and Sedbergh. Happened st both apparently

He was absolutely serious. He shared a house with a chap called Quentin who had also been to an all boys private school and said it was a thing there too. I haven't been to private school and am female so can't speak from first hand experience.

I went out with a guy who called his penis his 'machine' and my bits ' my goodies'. He was a lot older than me. First sexual partner for me . Gross "I want to put my machine into your goodies " Vom

Teenager, on a caravan holiday with my parents and sister. There was an outdoor swimming pool where all the kids used to congregate and the lifeguard was absolutely gorgeous (schoolboy in his summer job). He asked me out to the cinema and halfway through the evening turned and I had my first ever kiss. I thought I was going to be slobbered to death. I got back to the caravan and had a hasty whispered conflab with my older sister, who assured me that kisses were meant to be wet. Back at the pool the next day, it was his day off and he came to lie on a sunbed beside me. He took off his top and trousers and I gasped in horror - his gorgeous suntan stopped at his neck and three-quarters way up his arms and his body was white and spotty. And the absolutely killer were his feet - he had the longest, dirtiest toenails I had ever seen. Any residual attraction I had died on the spot.

I would open the door for him to come in and he’d already have his tongue out to stick down my throat.
he covered my bed with plastic rose petals on Valentine’s Day.

I wasted three years trying to dump him, eventually had to block him.

I was 18, parents left me home alone with my then boyfriend. The small window into what life would potentially be like if we lived together. By day 5 I snapped because he left a wet towel on the floor and kicked him out then and there 😂 we did get back together but he went on to cheat on me.

He had t rex arms when he ran.

Oh and biggest ick of all, my mum worked at a super posh lovely gym, so we all went. He lifted a very light weight that was clearly too heavy for him and he got all faint. It was such an ick seeing this pathetic guy all faint and light headed in front of these incredibly muscly PTs. I was mortified.

Omg it's all coming back to me, same guy, got a nose bleed when we went to the zoo for my 17th birthday. But tried to hide it. Then couldn't and we had to get a lift in one of those medic cars 😂 so embarrassing.

I genuinely can't believe I wasted two years with that guy who bloody cheated anyway!

Socks and shoes with shorts 🤣🤣🤣

Or an evolutionary response? More likely to have congenital deficiencies, learning disabilities etc in the family?

First time sleeping with him he said "who's your daddy" during.

That is fucking GRIM. I have psoriasis, and I always check to make sure I haven't left any bits of me behind...

This thread has made me feel nauseous but I’m glad I persevered as Brett Anderson and the massive bogey has made my day!

If every baby who had a low birth weight had the problems you mentioned then half the country would be disabled 😅

Had a really hairy back. Like a rug. I nearly heaved when I ran my fingers under his T shirt when we were snogging 🤮

Same guy had really clicky toes. I could hear him walking around if he had no shoes on.

Both major icks! Next...

Here goes...

1. Halitosis and kissed like a washing machine. I had a face full of saliva.
2. Came over, rang my buzzer asking for cash to pay cab driver as he didnt have enough money... Was £4 fare. He Had diarrhoea so I made several trips to shops for loo roll, imodium etc. Got back to faeces over my bathroom floor Thank God I have lino! I cleaned up his mess and found him in the kitchen with white boxers on that had a poo 💩 coloured round circle where he had itched his backside with one finger. 🤮 Found money for a cab the next day but no money for lunch. We went to a nice place to eat, he ordered the most expensive meal. 🙄 He wanted to come round for the whole day 3 times a week. I had to use some money I saved to pay for food. I said to him I couldn't afford to pay for three meals plus snacks each time he came over. His reply was well let's not see each other for a while, till you've saved up some more money. .. err I don't think so! He then went awol for 3 weeks. Finally made contact where he said he just didn't want to communicate with anyone. Gave him the boot 👢

1. Stuck his finger up my backside during sex 😮

1. Turned up looking like he'd just rolled out of bed wearing the same clothes he'd worn the previous day/s. Stunk of b.o. and fag's. Smiled and teeth were black. I suddenly had a call to pick up my Daughter... not and made a swift exit.

1. The guy who called me Mummy during sex 🤢

6.The guy whose house I went to where the front door was locked with a padlock and when I went in the house stank of ammonia 3 full cat litter trays and no carpet in rooms

7.The guy who's bedroom was clean but the kitchen fridge and bathroom was awful. 😱

1. Guy with soft small hands and long nails and a pigeon chest. Waa 5ft 4 and had halitosis. One drink and I was off lol. He text saying.hed like to meet up again. I politely declined and he said that's all he needed as he'd hit a fox on the way home.

Got his mum to make him a gp appointment. And took his car to the garage to replace the headlight bulb.

After several years being a single parent and doing every single fucking thing myself as I was too broke to pay someone the £5 bulb fitting gave me the ick.

When he got frustrated or annoyed he’d have a little physical temper tantrum. No words, he’d just close his eyes and shake his fists and rock around a bit in anger. Like a toddler having a rage fit. It was so gross.

I also got the Covid vaccine quite early and a guy I was talking to called me a “dickhead” for deliberately exposing myself to covid and needing medicine. That’s not what a vaccine is, friend…

His mum liked my perfume so went out and bought it for herself. That was it, I couldn't be with someone whose mum and girlfriend smelled the same!

Many people are! Not saying every baby of course. But I can see why a pp may have been put off by it.

Used to put on a comedy squeaky voice when he felt like getting it on. The voice was his dick trying to talk to my nethers. Horrifying. Then when we were dtd (I was 18 at the time and knew no better) he told me he wanted to ram me with his ‘wod’. He couldn’t pronounce r’s, but tbh, ramming me with his ‘rod’ would’ve been no less icky.
He also had a bullworker exercise thing for biceps that he’d use while nekkid. Bizarre.

I've remembered another- he thought he was a great intellectual (he wasn't) and tried to impress me by reading books about philosophy and buying tickets for boring plays. He did that thing where he slightly mispronounced names of famous people as though he knew the proper way to pronounce them, unlike the rest of the mere plebs (he called Plato Plarto etc.). One day in a pub he was talking loudly about plays he wanted to see and he said Waiting for Go- dot. My friend with us started laughing and told him how to pronounce it properly and he got into a real strop. I just couldn't take him seriously after that.

“I want to wam you with my wod” 😂😂

I knew a woman who would say 'Great Dame' instead of Great Dane and 'Rockweiler' instead of Rottweiler.

She would also spit on any flag that wasn't the UK one.

I worked with a woman who when she was angry her lips disappeared and she was talk sideways like she was chewing her face. Then claimed she wasn't angry. It was hilarious, half her face would disappear.

My grandfather would whip out his hanky at EVERY family meal and trumpet like an elephant before we'd finished eating. Every single time.

Mum's friend would see us hugging family members, then annoyingly tap them on the shoulder and say 'where's my hug?' It drove them mad.

Another work colleague constantly starts sentences and mid way says 'whatdoyoucallthat'? when he forgets his train of thought.

The sneezing thing obviously used to give my Nan the ick about my grandad.
Every time he sneezed she used to shout at him to ‘stop showing off’ (he used to do this massive over the top sneeze)

mind you she was alive long Labour supporter and he was a staunch Tory, so I think her level for Ick’ness was pretty high……more probably the fact his family was quite well off and hers was not.