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Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

716 replies

singlewhitetrashheap · 07/04/2025 17:41

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 08/04/2025 22:47

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 08/04/2025 18:39

@BobbyBiscuits seriously that is the funniest thing on this thread among many, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 was anyone fooled by his amateur airbrush techniques ?

Ikr, it's horrific! I felt so embarrassed on his behalf and he pretended like he hadn't done it. Everyone knew obviously but again I think it was so tragic we spared his feelings and didn't rip the living piss.
A fucking biro. This was thirty years ago but even now the mind boggles! 🤣🤣

RockyRogue1001 · 08/04/2025 22:49

One wrote me a song. He was in a band, a great guitar player and singer and a talented song writer but sitting a chair as he played and sang to me was literally the most awkward thing that had ever happened to me. I didn’t know what to do with my face. My friend was horrified as she’d have loved it.

Interesting you've said this @Chelsea26

And apologies if anyone coming after me has said this, but there was a thread on here that stayed with me.
Can't for the life of me now remember if it fizzled after a couple of pages or whether it lives on in classics (or something in between)

The thread was an op saying how cringing it was. Her partner would post-coitally sing to her. Both of them naked
Him looking her in the eye.
Sometimes with a guitar

Some pps saying "that sounds lovely"

The vast majority were like "my bf too.... it's horrendous"

herbaceous · 08/04/2025 22:55

Lovely chap, really wanted it to work out, but multiple icks meant I ended up in fairly permanent state of rage.

A few harmless examples.

1 Had read you needed to drink two pints of water a day, so drank it all in one go and complained it made his stomach hurt.

2 Went to bed at 9, recorded that night's programmes, got up at 5 to watch them. Just, why?

3 Had never heard of Scott of the Antarctic, didn't know where oats came from, and where Italy was on a map.

4 On holiday in Italy in an ice cream place with myriad flavours, said 'I'll have two scoops please. Chocolate, and... er... chocolate.' FFS. Dumped when we got home. He was heartbroken, and had thought we'd get married. I would have killed him.

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 08/04/2025 22:56

@BobbyBiscuits not even a ‘felt’ pen to avoid tell tale scratch marks? assuming jet black rather than blue 🤣🤣😂😂😂😂

BobbyBiscuits · 08/04/2025 22:58

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 08/04/2025 22:56

@BobbyBiscuits not even a ‘felt’ pen to avoid tell tale scratch marks? assuming jet black rather than blue 🤣🤣😂😂😂😂

It was black but came up looking blue when applied very heavily to shiny photo paper!! 🤣🙃
He couldn't afford a Sharpie.

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 08/04/2025 23:01

@herbaceous spooky how Scott and oats /Oates are intertwined there

BombayBicycleclub · 08/04/2025 23:04

Wanted to have sex but he said he couldn’t because his Willy smelled too bad. I was young and said I’m sure it didn’t. He took his pants off and the stench of wee just hit me. I nearly vommed on him there and then! At 22 he didn’t realise he had to clean under his foreskin. I dumped him there an then

Zov · 08/04/2025 23:05

I went out with this bloke some 35 years ago (before I met DH,) and after a couple of months I shagged him. (I had seen him about a dozen times.)

First thing he did when we had finished - was go and bathe his cock in Savlon Antiseptic Liquid.. 😱

I was mortified. I said 'I'm not diseased you know!' Shock He said 'can't be too careful, you don't know what people are carrying.'

Yes, that was the last time I saw him. Hmm He rang me over and over for about 3 months, and I kept hanging up on him. He fucked off eventually.

Arsehole! 😆

ThxForTheFish · 08/04/2025 23:07

LT1233 · 07/04/2025 22:57

My husband gives me the ick by lying in bed, I don't know why, it's just him lying there with the duvet tucked up to his chin all vulnerable. Also can't stand him singing to any sort of indy music. And the way he towel dries himself, literally loafers his entire body violently, surprised there's any skin left.

Edited

Haha so glad it’s not just me who gets the ick from their DH (whom I love immensely!)

Mine over-shivers. When he’s sick and shivery he shakes like crazy and does a weird Hannibal Lecter shivery noise. Drives me nuts.

LT1233 · 08/04/2025 23:15

ThxForTheFish · 08/04/2025 23:07

Haha so glad it’s not just me who gets the ick from their DH (whom I love immensely!)

Mine over-shivers. When he’s sick and shivery he shakes like crazy and does a weird Hannibal Lecter shivery noise. Drives me nuts.

He's got a list my husband, he updates it regularly every time I show disgust haha

I hear you on the OTT noises... Mine also does multiple, I'm talking maybe 20-30 sneezes (violently) in a row instead of one or two pole a normal person. Are you unsympathetic to yours? Especially when he's shivering etc, because when mine's ill I just can't help but think he's really pathetic and as hard as J try, u just can't find any sympathy for the poor sod.

(I think I have issues)

Fluffyblackcat7 · 08/04/2025 23:16

NameChangedOfc · 07/04/2025 19:33

He didn't help me carry my lugagge from the station (I was carrying a big suitcase, a backpack and my purse, while he was walking nonchalantly besides me with his empty hands in his pockets).
Also: he had long nails. 🤢

Edited

The nails! Urgh!

singlewhitetrashheap · 08/04/2025 23:17

@Zov oh my GOD. I'd have chopped it off.

OP posts:
Agapornis · 08/04/2025 23:21

pelargoniums · 08/04/2025 15:02

I gave it to charity 😬

Someone else now has your cat on their wall. Probably my mum, she loves buying cat 'art'.

CryptoFascist · 08/04/2025 23:33

I really liked one guy until he decided to attempt a "cute" face complete with pouty mouth and puss in boots wide eyes. On a craggy face, this is the opposite of cute.

TwistedWonder · 08/04/2025 23:36

My friend had been seeing a guy for a couple of months then he went on holiday for 10 days.

When he arrived back, he had the fakest, glow in the dark, Turkish teeth - that’s why he’d gone away!

It just looked ridiculous these glowing white tombstone teeth on his almost 60 year old face

GentleOliveFatball · 08/04/2025 23:39

He showed up in a hoodie for our first date (it was at a nice restaurant) He also has a habit of repeating things I say back to me as though I've said something ridiculous. And he's rubbish at replying to messages I've sent, especially if I've asked him a question. I'll almost always initiate conversation over text (when I decided to stop, we didn't speak for over a week) however he will sometimes send me a selfie of him and his friend (who I've never met) and he's always making a surprised/pouty face 🤢
We work together so one night we finished at the same time and I had an hour before my bus. We had spoken about going for a walk so I didn't make any plans to meet up with friends. He then complained about having to wait with me for an hour and asked if I could get an earlier bus, then didn't believe me when I explained that there was no earlier bus, he contemplated leaving me on my own (in the dark, after 10pm) but didn't as I made it clear that I wouldn't be happy about it.

We're technically still "dating" as we haven't been communicating because he doesn't reply to messages and is away on holiday at the moment. However I'll be calling it off soon.

NPET · 09/04/2025 00:00

Did you call him a plonker?

HerNextDoorAgain · 09/04/2025 01:41

Woke up next to him one morning, and he had a squashed spider stuck to his face. It must’ve been on his pillow when he rolled over, but I still have nightmare flashbacks to that moment. Shudder and ick.

Another one, got the ick because be wore thick walking socks with trainers.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 09/04/2025 04:06

singlewhitetrashheap · 08/04/2025 13:10

The only way this could be worse, is if the jewellery was from Elizabeth Duke LOL

I LOVED my Elizabeth Duke jewellery back in the day! I still think very fondly of it!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 09/04/2025 04:15

Bundleflower · 08/04/2025 18:37

It just didn’t feel very manly 😂

Well, it wouldn't, would it? He was a baby, not a man! Good Lord, just when you think you've heard it all...😂 I suppose you're going to say that the fact he was ever a baby is a turn-off???

MaggieBsBoat · 09/04/2025 04:27

So Many odd ones.

BF and I had sex with the light off all the time and I eventually said something, that he should be proud of his gorgeous body not ashamed and that I wanted to see him when we made love. Light on. Enormous swastika on his chest. Ick is an understatement. We broke up that very night.

Another one, shitting and not washing his hands after. Grim.

Having an enormous oil painting of his two German shepherds on his living room wall (they lived with his ex wife and he did nothing but talk about them so that didn’t help).

ThisFluentBiscuit · 09/04/2025 04:27

MrsMe1978 · 08/04/2025 21:09

Or Ratners 😂

I had a beautiful set of silver ice skate jewellery from Ratner's in the Eighties, when Torvill and Dean were popular!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 09/04/2025 04:32

We would go food shopping, and he would put the relevant stuff in the fridge...still in the plastic shopping bags. Yes, without taking the butter/yoghurt/whatever out of the Tesco bag. Just put the entire bag in the fridge.

Also microwaved clothes to dry them on occasion. Ruined something of mine that way.

I found both of those things just insanely weird.

KnitFastDieWarm · 09/04/2025 04:39

referred to his penis as his ‘length’ as in ‘imagine me sliding my length inside you’ 🤢 i’m cringing just remembering

singlewhitetrashheap · 09/04/2025 05:50

ThisFluentBiscuit · 09/04/2025 04:32

We would go food shopping, and he would put the relevant stuff in the fridge...still in the plastic shopping bags. Yes, without taking the butter/yoghurt/whatever out of the Tesco bag. Just put the entire bag in the fridge.

Also microwaved clothes to dry them on occasion. Ruined something of mine that way.

I found both of those things just insanely weird.

He microwaved clothes?! LOLLLL

OP posts: