Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

[singlewhitetrashheap]

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

Yup. How weird is that?

He will cause a fire doing that, the stupid bastard.

I dated someone who was Chinese and the date was two hours of Chinese history. No matter how much I tried to divert it back to us, nope, Chinese history! I admire the passion, but I was literally bored to anger by the end.

Another ate a pack of Haribo each day because they were struggling financially, and couldn't afford food... but somehow managed to buy two packs of cigarettes every day.

One proudly boasted that they were clean and regularly got 'checked' but when the jeans came off, the smell was putrid!

The worst was the one who picked up my adult cat by the scruff of the neck when she jumped up onto the couch. Hell no!

Well, now you’ve mentioned it… yeah!
I never said it was logical 😅

Snap 🙈 he was pretty ill the other night and looked awful but seeing him standing there, convulsing, just made me lose any sympathy I might have had for him 😂

that many sneezes would seriously piss me off. Solidarity 🫡😂

JFC, you two. What on earth would you do if your husbands were seriously ill? Like cancer or something?

Yup, that's what I said!

Told me he was a big fan of classical music and, in the next sentence, talked about someone playing the "sello". (He was mid-thirties at the time.)

I mean if it meant regular shivers…..divorce?

lighten up, this is a fun thread.

he bought a really cheap gold chain with the hands of god. He was not religious at all. He rocked this look with a suit, leather jacket and the chain over the shirt for all to see. Turns out he wanted to look like a rapper and or an old gangster. He was more 50p than 50 cent.

Fingerless gloves

Me too

I liked it. It was a good one

I've shared these two before under a different username on a thread with a similar theme:

The guy who, during sex, said: "I'm riding you like a little pony."

The almost-40-year-old who sneaked me into his house after dark. He lived with his mother and she didn't like him going out with women. Then in bed he growls in this "sexy" throaty voice: "So deep, so deep within you."
My toes are curling just typing that.

😂 I was soooo offended! I thought you cheeky fecker! 😬

I think this too. I have seen a small number of people - one man, and the other 4 or so women, with bright white veneers, and they are mid 50s to mid 60s. I think 'whyyy?' Their teeth were never that colour to begin with, (in fact nobody's are!) and they look FREAKY! They look daft on younger people - Turkey teeth - but they look top tier batshit on someone mid past 50-55.

Does he have a dressing gown of doom? And does he walk along with the slipper shuffle of sadness? Dry sniffing, and weak coughing? 😆

Mine doesn't do 20 odd sneezes thankfully, but he does do 1 to 3 MASSIVE loud sneezes. It always seem to be men who do the massive performative sneezes, it has to be said!

I think why women get annoyed with men when they're ill, is because they're so whiny and moany and babyish and want to be looked after like a child, and whatever they have is always soooooo much worse than when you have it.

And they hardly ever move from their chair, and expect to be waited on hand and foot. Whereas women will get on with things. (Mainly because they have to...) 😬

Oh I'd have ended him over the cat!

That's unforgivable!! 🤣

Just rice? Grains? Bread?

‘The worst was the one who picked up my adult cat by the scruff of the neck when she jumped up onto the couch. Hell no!’

That’s just reminded me about something the cunt said (the one who wiped his arse with a map of france)

He was relating a story about his ex (he was obsessed with her, and ultimately dumped me when she decided she wanted him back…it’s on a thread here somewhere)
When she was on a date with someone prior to him, this fine specimen kicked her dog for some minor misdemeanour, so she understandably ended it immediately with that person. The c word told me he didn’t think that was a ‘crime’? I was fairly astonished he would think that as a dog owner himself.
If only I’d been on MN when I was seeing that absolute bastard. I totally allowed him to make a complete fool of me. luckily, I WAS on mumsnet when he got back in touch nearly three years later to ‘apologise’ and it was SO satisfying telling him to fuck off!!!!

I see this a lot....it's an absolute no for me too....

You must have been lucky and had one of the few pieces of decent jewellery then, as remember the owner being called out for actually saying that the stuff they sold was crap 😂

O God I've just remembered a blind date with a guy who wouldn't shut up about his culture. I mean, I love learning about new cultures but this was all the obvious things that everyone already knows. A few times I managed to interrupt 'yeah, I know' but he steamrollered on and in the end I couldn't be bothered to try and derail him. Might have been nerves, I suppose, but surely everyone is nervous on a blind date? In the end I said I had to go and he asked me could we meet again, and tried to kiss me! I mean, REALLY?? He hadn't understood what he was doing??

Edited to say that this is the second time I have quoted someone and a different quote has appeared, I'm almost positive I selected the right post to quote.

I also had a man who told me that every woman he'd been with said he had the nicest penis they'd ever seen and asked me what I thought.