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Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

716 replies

singlewhitetrashheap · 07/04/2025 17:41

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

OP posts:
TurbulentPriest · 08/04/2025 18:49

Misorchid · 08/04/2025 18:41

Bit harsh.

You’re welcome to him! 😁

Lurkermumofadults · 08/04/2025 19:04

NC28 · 07/04/2025 20:24

I hate this too, from anyone. Man or woman. Yuck! Absolutely no need for anyone to hold a knife like that. Vile.

My partner does this plus many other things that give me the ick. Been together 32 years, married for 20 😂🤣

Flopsy145 · 08/04/2025 19:17

He was too tall. 6ft 7 or something. And also because he would run really bizarrely because his legs were too long

Ap42 · 08/04/2025 19:23

He turned up to our date wearing deck shoes!

Ohwtfnow · 08/04/2025 19:24

He whispered “I’m going to come shortly” every time he was about to orgasm 😐 It was the “shortly” that did it. So weirdly prissy.

Flopsy145 · 08/04/2025 19:32

Mrbingleysbuttons · 08/04/2025 18:35

He was kind, considerate, attractive, attentive: the list goes on. But sadly he had what can only be described as child bearing hips. His waist to hip ratio gave me the most dreaful ick and thus the slow fade begun from me.

Omg we had a teacher like this, I couldn't look at him without feeling gross

Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 08/04/2025 19:34

SaraSunny · 08/04/2025 17:16

First of all, this was many years ago!

I was around 17 and was staying over at my boyfriends house while his parents were away. We generally socialised in a group and it was unusual for it to be just the two of us.

There was a succession of peculiarities....

I wasn't allowed to sit in a particular seat on the 3 seater sofa as that was where his Mum sits..... The armchair was where his Dad sits so that was a no go area too.

He offered me a nighttime drink.... it was a cup of tea served in a teacup with saucer!

He had to turn off every power switch in the living room including a clock that had to have the time reset every single morning.

He arranged to meet me one evening and brought along 100+ Christmas cards for me to sign my name, along with his Mum's individual signature, his Dad's individual signature, his and mine. I had never met any of these people. We had been 'together' for about 2 weeks at this point and when I declined he showed me that they'd left a space for my name after an 'and....' so would have to rewrite them all without a name in that space.

A mutual friend said his parents had a sit down meeting with him to find out why I'd ended it and his parents sent my parents a letter saying how disappointed they were with me and they hoped they could persuade me otherwise!

I know this may be shallow of me but all of this has stayed with me for many years! I dread to think what would have happened if I'd been a different personality!

He now lives next door to my relatives (in a house his parents chose and paid for, despite him now having a successful career). He's still single.

Sounds like Sheldon Cooper 😁

MoonWoman69 · 08/04/2025 19:44

bigkahunaburger · 07/04/2025 22:29

He had really really ridiculously saggy balls that swung against my leg like a ball in a long sock. it was so grim.

Like two kiwi fruit in a carrier bag?! 🤣🤣🤣

MoiraRosesBebes · 08/04/2025 19:46

Just before climax, he would shout "I'm going to shoot"!!!!

Rattymare · 08/04/2025 19:56

He borrowed his dad's car to take me out, a brown 3 wheeler Robin Reliant.

Somethingsnapped · 08/04/2025 19:58

Another one...

He had a pretty good (upper) body, but quite skinny legs. Quite often, getting out of bed in the night to go to the loo, he would stagger slighty to the side, a bit off balance, half asleep. But it just made him look like his wee legs were too weedy to hold him up properly. I had to look away. He turned out to be an abusive cunt, so I don't feel too guilty about my early repulsion.

Yeahyeahthatswhattheyallsay · 08/04/2025 20:04

We ordered two dishes to share at a Chinese restaurant, and he refused to use a smaller bowl to decant the food into (which is what I and other diners did) but slurped some noodles from one of the dishes then swapped it for the rice dish by sliding them across the table. He then used his fingers to push the rice from the (shared) dish onto his spoon. He’d been on the Tube and hadn’t washed his hands, either. I offered to get him a bowl and he said no, he didn’t need one. When I mentioned to him a few days later that I thought it was a bit ugh he looked at me like I was insane. Maybe I am, but if that’s the definition of insanity I’m owning it.
Oh and yes, we split up shortly after.

MrsMe1978 · 08/04/2025 20:05

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 21:44

I can trump that I think ……re-using a strand of dental floss that he kept in his pocket and actually showed me proudly

My Mum had a partner that kept a cocktail stick in his wallet that he reused god knows how many times, and made the most horrendous noises sucking his teeth after picking out food after every single thing he ate… I had to put up with it in her house, but I had to tell him to go into another room or outside when in our house - made husband and I feel sick 🤢 He was a complete wanker and treated my Mum like shit too 😡

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 08/04/2025 20:31

@MrsMe1978 uuuuuugh imagine how that stick smelled ?

The production from front jeans pocket of 25cm strand of floss was revealed with a self satisfied flourish after a pretty nice dinner in a lovely county pub i am Guessing it was his ‘portable floss’ it was so long ago too but it has stuck in my mind I wish it would delete from my memory bank along with thousands of other such memories

GettingMySpringOn · 08/04/2025 20:32

One when he climaxed sang ' I'm coming up i want the world to know....'
One after a fair while dating found out that if he was eating his dinner and needed a poo he'd take the plate to the toilet. He said he was clearing room for the food !
Both ditched fast !

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 08/04/2025 20:32

Rattymare · 08/04/2025 19:56

He borrowed his dad's car to take me out, a brown 3 wheeler Robin Reliant.

Hopefully you had a pair of sunglasses and a hat as a disguise

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 08/04/2025 20:33

GettingMySpringOn · 08/04/2025 20:32

One when he climaxed sang ' I'm coming up i want the world to know....'
One after a fair while dating found out that if he was eating his dinner and needed a poo he'd take the plate to the toilet. He said he was clearing room for the food !
Both ditched fast !

No way 🦠🦠🦠🦠🦠 I am horrified

GettingMySpringOn · 08/04/2025 20:36

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 08/04/2025 20:33

No way 🦠🦠🦠🦠🦠 I am horrified

Honestly. I remember saying alright if you say so . His brother looked up and said yep he's an odd one. Fuck me ain't that the truth. Just vile.

ShieldMaiden8 · 08/04/2025 20:37

Squigface · 07/04/2025 20:12

Instead of a wallet he had his money in one of those little plastic bags that you change coins in at the bank.

you reminded me of something I completely forgot, I dated someone briefly years ago who kept his change in a sock, he had cut it just below the heel, it was fading black and bobbly and he tied it with a hair band.. ick🤢

Miracle1116 · 08/04/2025 20:38

bigkahunaburger · 07/04/2025 22:29

He had really really ridiculously saggy balls that swung against my leg like a ball in a long sock. it was so grim.

Had the same omg and the terrible sound it makes so distracting :-D he would also repeatedly shout my not even name but nickname while close to finish…not 2,3 times more like 15 times almost crying it out :-D

IGetWeak · 08/04/2025 20:41

It was the relatively early days of Facebook and I’d reconnected with an old friend. We’d lost touch after going to different unis, but I was really looking forward to catching up again.

The man I was seeing at the time just could not get his head around it. He just kept saying, “But why did you lose touch? How? Are you really saying you didn’t fall out or anything?” I said no, we hadn’t fallen out at all; we’d just drifted a bit because of distance, not many mutual friends etc… “You know how you do sometimes”.

Clearly he did NOT know. It was like it utterly flummoxed him that such a thing could happen. He just looked so bewildered and kept saying “But why? Why didn’t you phone her? Couldn’t you have written again if she didn’t write back? Didn’t you have her email? How did it happen?” It was just so bizarre.

He didn’t last much longer. By contrast, I spent last Saturday with my rediscovered friend!

Ymamiss · 08/04/2025 20:44

He picked me up for a date (I was about 15 and he was 17), and said to me in a really weird voice "have you got a kiss for Daddy?"

Ohwtfnow · 08/04/2025 20:46

Ymamiss · 08/04/2025 20:44

He picked me up for a date (I was about 15 and he was 17), and said to me in a really weird voice "have you got a kiss for Daddy?"

This is a quote from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - he probably thought he was being funny.

RosaMoline · 08/04/2025 20:46

What the fuck is wrong with these men?! So many repulsive/weird stories…
Why are men so obsessed with the scat stuff too? Do they honestly think they’ll win you over by over sharing their 💩 anecdotes/pebbledashing your toilet/breaking wind loudly when you’ve known them 5 minutes?
Another person I dated, turned out to be an absolute wanker too (this is why I’m single for 6 years now) regaled me with a story early on about how he needed to do a 💩 whilst out and about for work, pulled over somewhere remote and used a map of France to wipe his arse. WHY did he think it was appropriate to share this with me, a new GF who he was presumably trying to impress? 😩

Goddessoftheearth · 08/04/2025 20:49

Eating lobster like a pig in a very nice restaurant. In fact, his table manners in general. And his padded Versace trousers.