Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

[singlewhitetrashheap]

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

That's ridiculous 😒

He told me that he had a boat on a well-known lake in the Lake District. Turned out to be ancient and about the size of a speedboat with a home-made cabin made out of wood attached to it. I can't remember the name of the boat but the locals had re-named it '3 by 2' - after the wood he'd made the cabin from.

The image in my head 😆😆

Apologies. I thought this thread was having a bit of a giggle at ourselves. I never said it was rational, did I?

Snogging as a teen and he suddenly announced ‘I really love chewing skin’ (it was around the time Silence of the Lambs came out….)

He licked the flavour off each finger after eating a pack of crisps.
Just typing it makes me want to gag....

Wouldn’t let me name change for this but the worst that can happen is another user reading and going “hang on I think I know that guy”.

1. Dating a guy at 18. He left to go into uni. I was rummaging around in the mess next to his bed for a drink of water and found a condom filled with wee. 🤢
2. Different guy, said “Jesus” every time he came. But it was like, dramatic. Like “Je…Je….JEEEEESUSSSSS”.
3. I went on two dates with a guy who was a “musician”. He asked me to marry him and when I said no, he turned up two days later with a song he’d written about me, burned onto a CD and urged me to change my mind. The song was shit.

I was about 20, and had a thing for one if the rugby club lads. Very attractive, fit, and lovely. Turned out he was vegetarian - not a problem of course, but ate only frozen potato based products. Like smiley faces.

Ahahahhahaha fucking hell 😭

Just thinking of more while writing this:

One would rhyme off every single one of my pets names every single time I saw him. How are '.................................................' I have a lot of pets. He was also foreign and couldn't say the word 'remote' it was 'remoot'. When he came to the house he would say 'I'm on the door' not 'at the door'. But I could live with it all except he turned out to be a thief and took a lot of my money and tried to swindle my Mum as well. He also said during sex, 'come on...come on...' and was like a Jack Rabbit. Nothing tender about him. Also told me he had slept with 100 women.

My first boyfriend had beastiality videos. And wanted to 'use' a banana on me. I arrived at his house and he was standing with a pair of latex gloves on and a banana in his hand.

Another became a Christian literally overnight so we had to now be celibate after 6 years (prior to that every time we had sex he would say 'It's good to be home') and started turning up at my house in suit and tie, and brought a Bible to dinner even at a Chinese restaurant. Took me to see The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe and stared at me the whole time going 'do you get it? Do you get it?' - I didn't get it!!! I didn't know Aslan was representative of Jesus. He later wanted to baptise me in my own bath. He later married someone much older who was 'pure'. She is apparently like a shell of who she was prior to the marriage and they live in Kenya now where he is known as 'The Padre'.

Brilliant 🤣🤣🤣🤣

He had a good job and fancy car...i was young and impressed 😂 we went on date to a historical city, I thought we'd get lunch and a few drinks but no.....

He bought sandwiches with him that he carried around in a plastic carrier bag and refused to even buy a drink. He didn't even bring a sandwich for me.

Argh! No no no 🤢🤢🤢

Bizarre overreaction

The Sandwiches in a bag Man made me remember this one!
I had a very nice first date with a chap I met online, we arranged to go for Sunday Lunch for the next date. By the Saturday night he’d downgraded it to a picnic because the weather was so nice. Slightly disappointed but I agreed and he said he’d bring the food. I had a mental image of us sitting on a checked blanket in the dappled sunlight, nibbling at a cornucopia of delicacies…
The “picnic” was two home made wraps in a Tupperware box. And nothing else.

My daughters response to this "Shame she didnt think that lowkey clapped" 😂

So did he say his name was something else when you first went out with him and then you found out it was Bruce?

For some reason he thought that exaggerated Darth Wader breathing with a wide smile was just the thing I wanted to hear every time he felt satisfied with anything. A nice cup of tea? HHHHHAAAAAAA. A nice bath? HHHHHAAAAAAA.
That was awful.

I nipped to the bathroom to "freshen up" before first time dtd and on returning to the bedroom, found him sprawled out on the bed wearing nothing but a well worn, greying, baggy old bra which he excitedly explained had belonged to his late wife. Another one told me that his "tummy" hurt (he was late 40s). Another one had accompanied me to the passport photo place and afterwards, had asked if he could have one of the photos of me for his wallet. He later told me that he pleasured himself over it. It was just a headshot of me, trying to look very serious, dressed very conservatively, it was a passport photo fgs!

🤣 I may have had to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume a friend had written these as a joke!
Mainly because my sister’s daughter does things like this. Sister had a note on her fridge saying “11.30 turkey. 1.45 stuffing”
Her daughter turned up later and added “3pm wax my big flappy minge”
🤣🤣🤣

I had one back in my 20s who volunteered himself from the audience at a street show in Covent Garden. He had to stand on a chair and had to shout numbers. He did it so enthusiastically my shoulders nearly broke from cringing.

@Revavalley haymonaise🤮🤮🤮 that's one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard!

Get a grip, it’s clearly tongue in cheek.

Does your man hold his knife like a pencil? 😂

Oh, I think I might know Jesus guy 😂

(There’s probably a fair few of them out there to be fair)

Trust me the smell off his sperm was worse