Why do I ‘save things’ rather than enjoy them?

[TwentySeconds20]

In the sense of ‘too good’ to use yet.

So, a beautiful bottle of expensive bubble bath, bought for me by a friend.
A gorgeous, velour set to wear to relax at home, bought for me by my son.
A box of special chocolates given to me by DH.
None used.

i have a drawer of unused gifts, some, in my head, saved for a tombola, just because I think that would be better value.

My DM regifts, I don't even do that, they just sit there!

Anyone else do this?
Why? 😵‍💫

I do, I do try not to do it so much now.

I think it’s a throwback to my childhood; if we ever got new clothes (rare), they were always to be saved ‘for best’. I was rarely bought anything just because, it was for ‘occasions’ and if, for example, I’d been bought an outfit to wear at a birthday party I wasn’t allowed to wear to before the ‘occasion’.

I remember years ago; argyle patterned jumpers/cardis were in fashion. We’d gone shopping and DM had bought me one in New Look. I was going out with my boyfriend a few days later and put it on. DM was gobsmacked and “That’s for Christmas! Can’t stop you wearing it, but don’t think you’re getting anything else if you ruin it!” I was about 17 and gutted as I thought, for once, I was being treated “just because”.

I’m convinced it’s the reason I’m crap with money now, I very rarely deny myself anything as I always remember that feeling. I do try and wear the ‘nice’ stuff and not waste it.

I know what you mean @OP,I sometimes do the same I feel with new bags. I hate bringing unnecessary attention to myself. I read once somewhere that sadly it is due to having a low idea of self worth. That in order to wear that nice thing, eat that nice item, there has to be a reason or event. In effect, that you have to have a valuable reason to increase your value.

And then when I get round to using them, they are…

Out of fashion ( velour set)
Have lost the smell ( bubble bath)
Or have gone white ( expensive Goddiva chocolates…) 🙄

😂

I absolutely do this too! Like the pp mine dates back to childhood to “save” it so it didn’t run out too quickly. I’m an absolute bugger for doing it with food items more than anything, I had to throw away some luxury crackers and cheese that I’d bought from M&S around Christmas because they’d gone out of date whilst I was “saving them” for precisely nothing 😂 we didn’t have much money when I was growing up so we’d always try to make things last. I’m now really comfortable financially but it doesn’t stop me doing it!

You could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

Go have a posh bubble bath and then eat posh chocolates in your new tracksuit- go now!

I cleared out my mum's, then dad's things from their house when they died.

So many "keep for best" unused things, I kept some and use them. Yes I know all the glassware will be broken at some point, but otherwise they are what, packed away ornaments?

Luxury bubble bath will eventually lose its quality.

I used all my best stuff first, I like baths, everyone knows this, I get bath stuff throughout the year as gifts, so almost all my baths are luxury it's super.

Each glass of wine is in a pretty glass.

Why wouldn't you use the nice bath robe, pyjamas, slippers? The worse that happens is it gets worn out, used, broke, makes an easy replacement present for someone at Christmas/birthday.

Life is too short it really is.

So many "keep for best" unused things, I kept some and use them. Yes I know all the glassware will be broken at some point, but otherwise they are what, packed away ornaments?

I have a friend who was given quite a number of champagne flutes as a wedding present.

She uses them with the kids for their breakfast juice, figuring they didn't drink champagne enough! 😆

Hell no

Too many people have too short lives
Including some people I’ve known and loved

I am fortunate to be comfortable money-wise, so now I:

Use the expensive bath oil
Visit places on my wish list
Choose what I want from menus and wine lists
Light the best candles
Buy nice groceries
Wear matching underwear every day
Treat friends and family
Wear clothes I feel amazing in (lots pre-worn from eBay)

You have one life, you deserve the best, do what makes you happy

This is so sad. I know none of us has any control over that happens to a gift once it's given, but those things were given to you to enjoy. Their purpose is to be lovely little treats but they're just sad things in boxes, slowly degrading.
Please try to break the habit. You deserve to enjoy the nice things and the nice things deserve to be enjoyed.

5

this video really sums up why you shouldn’t save things for best.

My DP does this. He had a massive, unopened box of hotel chocolate that he was saving which I tried to coax him to open on numerous occasions which just ended up going bad and then in the bin.

Has the bubble bath and chocolates not at least given you the idea that any consumables you are given must be used now? Aim for food items within 2 months (although check use by dates) and beauty products/smellies within 6 months, or least have used them a bit before next round of birthday /christmas.

Today I used a longchamp bag for work that I bought for my mum quite a few years ago, she kept it for best. Then developed dementia and my dad mentioned it when I was helping him bag up loads of unused things for charity shops now mums in a home. So many nice things that didn’t get used. The bag is a pale colour and she didn’t want it ruined.

Anyway, I’ll use it now until it’s ruined then the money wasn’t wasted.

keeping something for best is wasting money.

My mum did this.

Beautiful china, never used. Cutlery only ‘for best.’

When she died, my dad dug it all out to use because what else was it for?? What were we waiting for??

It’s lovely using the nice crystal glasses and lovely shiny cutlery.

Life really is too short

Today is for best. Use it all. Embrace the deliciousness of all the lovely things given to you with love. Otherwise you are purposely allowing people who care for you to waste their time and money buying you lovely things they think you deserve.

Look up ‘scarcity mindset’, these behaviours are really common in people who have known tough times.

I will never keep things for best. My mum is an absolute bugger for this - she's got things like tea towels I bought her about 30 years ago carefully tucked away so they can never be spoiled. But they're not doing anything in a drawer. And now she's thinking about downsizing and having to get rid of her multiple sideboards and linen cupboards, these special things will have no home very soon. What a terrible waste!

Op, have you ever given a gift and thought 'I hope they never use this'? Or do you hope they enjoy using it and don't care if at some point they'll not be able to enjoy it any longer?

After sorting out my aunts house when she died, I stopped keeping things for best. All the things she denied herself were a little sad.

Ohhhhhh... I think I'm the same as WaneyEdge.

New clothes were for Sunday Best, which became the good clothes, which became the normal clothes. Everything was mended to within an inch of its life before being relegated to gardening or decorating clothes.

The good food/bigger portions were given to the adult men first, who usually scarfed the lot.

As a girl, I was always last. As an adult woman I appear to keep stuff until it's useless or out of date. Damn 😮

Yes - I was taught that I had to look after things.

The most ridiculous example is that I got a dressing up outfit for Christmas - and was told that I couldn't wear it out to play in case I wasted it.

When it became clear that I was outgrowing it, Mum then demanded that I wear it to go out and play.

The very same.

There was a really long thread on this a few months ago.

I work in EYFS. I buy beautiful china from charity shops for our role play kitchen because it’s cheaper than anywhere else. Nobody wants them. It inevitably gets broken but at least it’s been used. People are saving those things ‘for best’ on,y for them to be sold for a few pounds for children to make mud pies with.

I think about this when I'm in charity shops. I often see things that have been kept in pristine, unused condition but that are obviously decades old. So many people have no idea that by depriving themselves of using something they think is too valuable, they're only reducing the value of the item.

Some really caring thoughts here, thanks.

Some quite deep thinking too and has set me thinking ( again) about my childhood.

We only ever got new things at Christmas and birthday. Not a lot of money around.
My parents are very frugal and I'm struggling with being the same. Buy most of my clothes second hand, interestingly because I hate waste….

I try very hard not to be like this, although I still struggle with using certain things - like a nice candle - when it’s just me, because it seems a shame to ‘waste’ it. I don’t know why I think it’s a waste when there’s no one but me to enjoy it; I don’t have poor self-esteem, but I think it probably feels unnecessarily self-indulgent somehow.

My mum kept certain stuff for best, like a dinner service, cutlery and crystal glasses she really loved, and the only time it came out in over 20 years was at her funeral. I thought how much she’d have loved to see everyone using the plates and glasses, and it seemed so sad it was just sat gathering dust all those years when it could have been a joyful little treat for her to use it every day.

I am terrible for doing this. I have a lot of expensive clothing/shoes/bags that I store and don't wear. As PP says, this is also linked to my childhood where the message I received was that I didn't deserve anything nice/good. And then, I was very poor in my adulthood for quite a while. I can afford nice things now but I have this need to keep them 'for best'. I do the same with cleaning products. I really want to stop buying and start wearing the nice expensive things I already have but I don't know how to change my mindset.