Why do I ‘save things’ rather than enjoy them?

[TwentySeconds20]

In the sense of ‘too good’ to use yet.

So, a beautiful bottle of expensive bubble bath, bought for me by a friend.
A gorgeous, velour set to wear to relax at home, bought for me by my son.
A box of special chocolates given to me by DH.
None used.

i have a drawer of unused gifts, some, in my head, saved for a tombola, just because I think that would be better value.

My DM regifts, I don't even do that, they just sit there!

Anyone else do this?
Why? 😵‍💫

No absolutely not. If something brings me joy I use it. My mother in law asked if I wanted her royal Coulton China set, dinner plates etc along
with tea pot and stuff. I said, yes please but be aware it will be used every day. It will get broken and chipped. But I’m not doing the same as you and leaving it sat in a loft to
come out at Christmas only, I love it and so I’ll be using it. She was so shocked 😂😂😂😂 and so yes, we eat every single day even the children from royal doulton plates with a gold trim 😂👌🏼

@ConundrumseverywhereIsnt it! I always try and remember that now and never save anything for best

Yes, me too. Really trying to resist this.......not because dislike drawing attention to myself, as PP said, just....preserving things. Things NEED using; I may learn, one day. Just sold my house, so much stuff gone, mostly to charity, all very well cared for/preserved.

I understand this feeling,but am trying to make myself see that NOT USING THINGS is the biggest waste of all.

I do this too. Sometimes with things that aren’t even that fancy. I’m ND and I’ve often wondered if it’s linked that that

This is me too and I really fight it. I’ve started burning all my best candles, booking all the experiences and reading all my books. God knows why I was saving so many unread books

I do this, I’m always saving things for best. It’s worst if it’s something I really like, I recently got a new jumper from new look, it was inexpensive but I love it. I’ve barely worn it in case it goes bobbly/stretches and I’m only wearing occasionally. Sometimes I’ll even buy two of something so I still have a spare that is kept for best. I know it’s weird.

Wasn’t there a story once I can’t remember the exact details but the Queen ended up having a
cup of tea in a ladies home. The lady mentioned something about the china she had, she said she didn’t use it when serving to the Queen because she was saving it for best! Stuck with me! 😁

I used to be like that and then I was diagnosed with cancer. I was so bad at being kind to myself. In the middle of treatment, when I was weak and exhausted, the penny dropped that although I could walk to the hospital in the rain, it was also OK for me to take a taxi. I also realised that I would be profoundly pissed off to die with so much savings and lovely things I had not enjoyed. And I have been changing ever since. Things come and go. My enjoyment is important and I try to maximise that now.

As a reference point - it took me over a year to justify to myself that it was OK to throw out a set of 3 knickers that were perfectly serviceable but which made me feel ugly whenever I wore them.

@TwentySeconds20 more rubbish to add to my background.

Or an opportunity to start anew.

It's never too late.

what would be sad, is recognising the pattern, but doing nothing about it.

I do this with clothing especially on holiday. I pack all of my lovely clothes that I have been saving to wear when away but just can't put them on. I wear the same things most days and evenings and come back with a case full of new unworn clothing.

Also with stationery too! The feeling that a new notebook will change your life but you don't want to actually write in it. Also applies to stickers and other stationery!

My grandparents were given a beautiful set of cutlery when they got married which was to be saved for best.

They moved several times over the course of a few years and during one move my gran noticed the box felt light. She opened it and the cutlery had been stolen!

She said she hoped whoever nicked it enjoyed it more than she did, and she didn’t begrudge them because it made her realise it was better off being used by someone else than remaining unused by her 🤣

she told me the story after giving my 4 year old a tea set she’d also been given when she got married, saying ‘he’ll have lots of fun with it which is better than having it sitting at the back of my cupboard getting dusty 🫣 tbf he did enjoy many tea parties with it!

I used to save things for best but stopped quite a few years ago. I realised these things had been made to be used/worn etc.
I can't remember what made me change, perhaps it was a combination of things. I do find it sad that so many people were given lovely, thoughtful gifts which were put way for best and they've rarely or never been used.

I had a house fire a couple of years ago and was disgusted with myself at the amount of stuff that had to be thrown away (smoke damaged) that was unused, still had labels on etc.

i feel I was given a fresh start and am trying to be a lot more considered with purchases - not buying duplicates, using things as they’re bought / received, buying nice things for everyday use (instead of cheap for everyday and nice for best).

I know what you mean, OP. Many years ago my mother had bought me these fancy chocolate bars back from a trip to Paris. They were lovely, so I really made them last - I couldn’t bring myself to eat the last pieces as I was “saving” them.

Then one day my mother said she’d pop around and help me with the housework, as I was doing long hours at work. I got home and she said to me, “I can’t believe you let those lovely chocolates I bought you go out of date!! I’ve had to throw them away!” I wanted to cry. I’ve tried ever since to just enjoy things rather than saving them out of some sense to having to keep them special.

A little golden box with toiletries in it. I will always have it on display. My son when he was younger/really too young had become subject to a bad drug addiction. That Christmas we went into town and he bought me that. He was only 15 and had very little money. I will always treasure it. He is doing very well now at 30. No addiction. A lovely life.

back when I was a kid you displayed your wealth through these things. My mum had a “drinks cupboard” with crystal decanters and sets. Glasses on display. A sideboard for her “best” set of cutlery and dinner service, napkins etc. Those Doulton ladies on display.

My mum is just like this. She has a display cabinet full of lovely crockery and glasses but eats her dinner off a scruffy old pyrex plate 🙄

but why not eat the £50 ones at easter, and then have the "stash easter" ones on your birthday? tbh why did you even buy more chocolates for easter if you knew you had ones already?

bear in mind the f&m ones would have been made a few months before christmas so my your summer bday they'll be nearly a year old and won't taste as nice.

I know this will sound preachy but it's bad enough everyone who doesn't use the nice stuff is depriving themselves, but it's also
a) a bit of a fuck you if they are things people bought for them and
b) a waste of the earth's limited resources.

Even something as small as a box of chocolates -people laboured hard in fields growing the cocoa for them, and on conveyor belts producing and packaging it, cows who produced the milk created methane that negatively affected the environment, as did the factories producing the chocolates and the multiple planes and lorries transporting it at each stage of the journey...
all for them to sit in a cupboard and then get chucked in the bin!

Some very thought provoking posts indeed

Life is indeed too short

I’m the opposite, I use things straight away, as I can’t wait! I could not have fancy chocolates in the house, and just ignore them 🤪 But things don’t get wasted here, I suppose, but I don’t ’savour’ things that much, when I should. Any unwanted body/beauty sets I get, never get left in cupboard for more than 6 months, they always go to the school raffle/tombola etc. maybe give yourself a twice a year challenge, on checking through all gifts etc, and then decide to chuck or use, not allowing yourself to ignore any items

@Lotsofsnacks That's a very good idea for those struggling with using hoarded gifts.

Oh sweetie, sounds like you’re in a controlling relationship. Your life is the nicest thing you’ll ever get, please get help and use it.

Perhaps you mean this one? It was a nice thread and it really inspired me too!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5217355-to-save-everything-nice-for-best?page=3&reply=140077577

Just to add to my previous post👆, this was one of the posts that inspired me from the other thread. Worth remembering if we break a plate or wear out an item of clothing!

LyingPaintSample · 25/11/2024 12:07
There is a Buddhist philosophy of knowing that our brand new cup is already broken.
So, in real life this means we own the nice handmade cup, the pretty lipstick, the silk shirt, knowing that it is all fated to return to dust and recycle again and again through the universe. That IS what the cup is, in its final iteration but also now, and where every single thing and person will end up.
Our time to appreciate it and use it is now, and seeing it's future as already used or broken or not within our possession makes it so much easier to appreciate the now. Matches are made to be burnt, food eaten, clothes used to destruction.