Why do I ‘save things’ rather than enjoy them?

[TwentySeconds20]

In the sense of ‘too good’ to use yet.

So, a beautiful bottle of expensive bubble bath, bought for me by a friend.
A gorgeous, velour set to wear to relax at home, bought for me by my son.
A box of special chocolates given to me by DH.
None used.

i have a drawer of unused gifts, some, in my head, saved for a tombola, just because I think that would be better value.

My DM regifts, I don't even do that, they just sit there!

Anyone else do this?
Why? 😵‍💫

Remember the pigeon lady in Home Alone 2? And Kevin’s story about the skates?

Use the things now. You deserve them!

The canteen of EPNS cutlery which my parents had as a wedding present in 1953 , and which was rarely, if ever, used, is now in my DS's kitchen drawer as his everyday cutlery. It's worth very little to sell so may as well get some use.
I think those of us who grew up with parents who were careful with money and who had day to day clothes and 'best' clothes (and very few of them) have carried on this mentality into adulthood.

I have tried to find a bit of a middle road 🤣

I have some kitchen things such as nice bowls, plates, and some cutlery with very nice handles that my mum bought for me when we were out one day. They remind me of that day and I did have them packed away for awhile. But I have since unpacked them and have them in the kitchen. I use them for specific things at specific times. They're quite delicate.

I'm another tea towel collector!! I do have some that are purely for decoration! But most of them have been put into rotation, except if I'm doing a messy job I will rifle through the pile to find one that's most appropriate🤣🤣

With clothes, I wear everything, but I'm still choosy on what I wear when and where!

Food is a difficult one for me because I'm diabetic & try to avoid the sorts of things people give you for gifts, so I'm definitely all for opening them up when anyone's visiting!!

And I will eat them sparingly, but I do open them now and don't save them forever!

I need to see these threads every now and then to remind me: burn the nice candle. I put lovely things that people buy me in a regifting drawer, I think it stems from being skint in my 20s when I had no money to buy presents so I’d squirrel stuff away or sell it on eBay.

We’ve had an upturn of finances lately so I’ve started working my way through the expensive body creams and luxury candles. I just need to remember to actually use them every day!

I think with me and clothes it’s the fear of not having the right thing for the right occasion. So I’ll save things but in reality the occasion often never comes 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do it too!

There are things I’m afraid to touch because I want to save them.

I noticed I’m like it with TV shows/films too.

My mum is a hoarder and she has rooms full of stuff that has never been touched.
Much of it is damaged now because other things were put on top, damps got to it or vermin have got in there.

I’m really trying not to be like her and I’m glad I’m not the only one that does this.

There's a great Ted Talk on this:

X

I remember the cry of “that’s for best, put it back” as a kid as well.

i do try now to buy things and use them. I have some favourite clothes I don’t wear much because I don’t want to wear them out.

my mum used to have duplicates of everything. Cutlery, china, crystal, one for “best” and one for everyday. Beautiful Wedgewood dinner service never used.

issue is it’s no longer valuable. Once upon a time stuff like crystal and Wedgwood did increase in value, but not anymore.

back when I was a kid you displayed your wealth through these things. My mum had a “drinks cupboard” with crystal decanters and sets. Glasses on display. A sideboard for her “best” set of cutlery and dinner service, napkins etc. Those Doulton ladies on display.

now it’s all just clutter.

@TwentySeconds20 - is there anything else you’ve been given as a gift that you’ve not used yet? Perhaps since Christmas ? Get it out now and work out when in the next week you will use it.

You are worthy of the nice things.

Clearing out my parents house, there was a full white and gold china dinner service, they’d collected as a wedding present in 1961 and still wrapped, dozens of still boxed glasses and a cupboard of unopened bed linen & blankets. All beautiful and unused. They had dined with their everyday stuff instead; Pyrex plates and petrol station glasses. So sad, we use the dinner plates, and some of the wine glasses, and the dogs had luxury wool blankets for a while, but I ended up giving so much to charity.

So I agree, enjoy beautiful things every day.

I have done in the past.

perfume so nice and exp that don’t went to wear it

then years later it’s gone off

Smelly candles - smell lovely but don’t want use them as costly

exsp body lotion. Didn’t use and went runny

so yes I have done

I don’t now

i wear perfume and light candles and make house smell nice

burn the nice candle.

That would make a fantastic motivational, Etsy type poster for the wall!

@FancyBiscuitsLevel - a few bits, but my DH has been quite good at opening the fancy biscuits and a lovely cannister of Harvey Nics. tea.

I have bottles of flavoured oils that one of our DC’s bought us - I had to hide them when he came to stay.

I feel really guilty even thinking about it now. Another waste.

I think there is something quite sad in recognising that I feel I don't deserve nice things… more rubbish to add to my background.

I am guilty of this but have been better since losing my sister when she was only 54. I had to clear everything (her medication exacerbated a thrifty, bargain hunting nature) but there were so many unused make up palettes, jewellery, clothes, notebooks and treats that she just never enjoyed.
Use the things today, tomorrow may not come.

I don’t have nice clothes or tableware, but I love nice stationery. I have a drawer full of beautiful notebooks that I’ve mostly been given as presents, but I write on backs of envelopes. It’s pathetic

Make a resolution to eat the chocolate, use the bubble bath and wear clothes!

I keep nothing for best, we eat off the “good” china and use the wedding cutlery… life is short, use it!

I’ve done this too 😔 Was gifted some chocolates, not luxury but in a pretty box I didn’t want to open yet and was saving to enjoy on some elusive day in the future … until we got rodents in the house that demolished the lot 😭

I’m an advocate for wearing the perfume. So what if it’s not a fancy event, or a night out, I’m still going to smell fabulous, even if the farthest I’m going is to the recycle bin.

This is the kind of thing I would do. I don't understand saving things that have been paid for. I return anything I dont like and use things i decide to keep. Couple of nice tops arrived this morning. Wore one out in the afternoon. Life is too short

I love this poem by Donna Ashworth https://www.instagram.com/p/CJECGHtipp/?imgindex=5&igsh=OHl5Y245NjJqbzhh

Am trying to put it into action, starting with using the wine glasses that were wedding presents, 20 years ago

I used to do this. For me it comes from being raised by parents who grew up post-war when 'special things' were rare. Their anxiety that there wouldn't ever be any more of something after it was used up rubbed off on me. It's trying to avoid pain (in a mild sense). Look up 'scarcity mindset', it's illuminating. Also may be related to low self-esteem, not feeling worth nice things.
After my dad died there was an almost full bottle of extensive cognac in the cupboard that he'd been saving for years. Now I just eat the truffles, drink the posh wine, wear the nice clothes I get for birthdays or buy myself. I use them up and eat up life. We're a long time gone.

That was my experience growing up too. Did our mothers share parenting tips? 😄

It’s had the opposite effect on me though. I penny pinch and mull over every biggish expense.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?q=www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/raging-with-grace/202101/why-so-many-adult-children-just-dont-want-their-parents-stuff" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/raging-with-grace/202101/why-so-many-adult-children-just-dont-want-their-parents-stuff%3famp

^an explanation of the good china/crystal/silverware over the past 3 generations (and the next one).

Please use and enjoy your gifts @TwentySeconds20. Some years ago I cleared my late aunt's house. We had always put a lot of thought into the presents we gave her, trying to choose things she would like. I found a cupboard full of gifts, carefully stacked up, still in their wrapping. Some were from my mother who had died ten years previously. There were even unspent gift vouchers. It was such a shame that she hadn't allowed herself the pleasure of enjoying her presents.

Use the stuff! We had a perfectly serviceable Habitat collection of cutlery in our first house then my parents bought us a beautiful canteen of rat tail design Sheffield cutlery for a wedding present in 1997 and the Habitat stuff got relegated to the 'picnics and packed lunch' drawer. 28 years on the Sheffield steel looks good as new and I appreciate it every single time I use it 3 times a day, and I think of my parents too when I do.

I'm improving on this one. I am already using shower cream which I bought with a Christmas present token i.e. Christmas 2024.

Clothes are more difficult. It takes a while to try clothes on and see what goes well with what so It's easier to just pull on a scruffy old jumper and some black trousers.