Why do I ‘save things’ rather than enjoy them?

[TwentySeconds20]

In the sense of ‘too good’ to use yet.

So, a beautiful bottle of expensive bubble bath, bought for me by a friend.
A gorgeous, velour set to wear to relax at home, bought for me by my son.
A box of special chocolates given to me by DH.
None used.

i have a drawer of unused gifts, some, in my head, saved for a tombola, just because I think that would be better value.

My DM regifts, I don't even do that, they just sit there!

Anyone else do this?
Why? 😵‍💫

Whilst i somewhat understand OPs and PP mentality, I'm definitely in the camp of using my 'best' as much as possible. If I really like it enough to be 'for best', then its likely to make me feel amazing and confident. If I leave something, waiting for the perfect occasion, then it's likely to be outdated/not fit anymore/broken.

For me, I feel like buying/receiving something nice and not using it, is a complete waste of money, and space in my house. You may as well just have left it in the shop.

I try hard to use the nice stuff. My grandparents were terrible for keeping things for best and my parents are a bit like that too. It was so sad clearing out my grandparents’ house, piles of nice things never used - all went to the Salvation Army.

I don’t relate to this at all but then I do think I deserve nice things and probably have a high sense of worth.
I’m a good kind person, I help people and I love people, I work hard to earn money to spend on myself and other people have done the same to buy me things (birthday presents). So I’ll use them and enjoy them because we’re a long time dead and then who benefits from all these lovely things kept in pristine unused mint condition? Or even pristine but degraded condition? Not you.
Stuff can be replaced if it’s been used, if you can’t afford it someone will have a good idea for your next birthday/Christmas or whatever.
You are worth the nice things. Use them!!!

I’ve got a medium sized box of Fortnum and Mason champagne truffles that I bought before Christmas with the intention of having them at Christmas. They cost £50 and were a big splurge for me so I didn’t feel right opening them, plus the dc would want to share. So I saved them for our half term holiday. Then brought them home unopened. I gave up chocolate for Lent so I’m now saving them for Easter. However we’ve got a stash of Easter chocolate so I’ll probably save them for my birthday in the summer. It’s silly but my childhood was one of not having luxuries or treats and things being saved for best.

This. Don’t be one of those people whose house gets cleared out and there’s loads of lovely unopened stuff.
Every day we’re here IS life, life is happening now not in the future.
And you deserve to wear the best stuff, you are worth it.

Keeping something for best is wasting money

This is how I persuaded my mum to reach into the back of her wardrobe and start wearing all the nice clothes she had, and also to get rid of the drab old thi gs she had been wearing for years.

It comes from a scarcity mindset.

Also, OP, this is not a rehearsal. This is all you get.

By the time you eat them they won't be best any more though, they'll have gone off. They cost £50 whether you eat them or not, but one way they bring joy and the other they go to waste.
Please eat them at Easter!

This is exactly me too. Took me a few years to get there but I now use all the good stuff

I def used to be like this with clothes. I'd buy things and save them 'for best' even though I never had any reason to dress up.
Then I hit my late forties and realised that the occasion should just be me wanting to wear something that made me happy and who cares what anybody else thinks!

TBH I never had this problem with anything else.....other stuff I buy to use or eat straight away.

Used to especially like this with perfume - only for special occasions. Now it's nice to put a bit on knowing I'm making use out of it and it makes me feel good. I started saying to myself, why should I have to wait to go to dinner to be able to wear something nice?! To allow myself to feel good?!

I guess it comes from wanting to save it if it's expensive but these little things, like a little spritz of perfume, gives me joy to everyday life. And I know I can just go and buy another one if it runs out or receive one as a present next birthday/Christmas. I'm also more aware if I keep saving things, the dates will just run out.

For me it’s linked to ASC/ADHD.

ASC I like what I like, and feel panicked at the idea of not having the exact same thing. Sometimes I’ll buy a few of the same thing or try preserve the thing. My dad is the same, buys the same item before one runs out.

ADHD I end up buying lots to get the constant new dopamine hit, and always want something new so try ‘save’ things so I don’t end up broke! I buy a lot. I treat DD often, my mum is the same but hers is trauma based. Neglect and abuse so treats herself regularly to validate she’s worth it x

Buy the dress
eat the cake
take the flowers home
drink the fizz

tomorrow isn’t a promise

OP I am "in recovery" from this! I was raised the same way and would let things sit with the tags attached for months - or hoard nice choccies, etc.

My attitude now is very very different. When I got married a relative gave me a nice item and said "I want you to use it every night, not just on special occasions, and if it breaks, so be it!" - this has had a profound impact on me. We even use our good china for BBQ's. Life is short and our children don't want our old stuff anyway (I certainly didn't want my parents old treasures - no space!)

Another tip - if people bring you nice treats for a dinner party or get-together - I open them then and there and share them around. Same with a bottle of wine. Good luck.

@LegoTherapy whats the date on those chocolates? Because they do go off. If you wait until your birthday, a £50 box will taste like a £5.

I know it’s lent, but i think you should give yourself this weekend “off”- so open them on Sunday, morhers day, that’s a special occasion and share them with the dcs while they are still good.

next time you are tempted to buy £50 box of chocolates, ask yourself if you’ll actually eat them or will the price make you too scared.

I am terrible for this with consumables and it only ever ends in waste. The irony is ridiculous, because I absolutely hate waste and go to great lengths to avoid it in general..

I've been very fortunate and always been quite comfortable, even as a child. But my dad (born in 1940) was like this too, despite being very comfortable in adult life.

His was also specific to consumables. He'd treat himself to things, only to let them rot in the fridge because he didn't want to use them up. The post-war logic is the best explanation I can think of.

So now I'm off to have a one man board meeting and attempt to avoid this in future.

in the early days of lockdown, I heard an interview on the radio with an ICU nurse. When asked how she was able to unwind at home, she said she had a bath with her posh bath oil, the stuff she’d normally have saved for best. I can still remember he saying ‘have the £50 bath every night, life is too short’.

So I do that now! Eating nice chocolate has never been an issue for me 😊

Next step is wearing nicer clothes ‘just because’. I tend to resist this if I’m just doing day to day things but that’s mainly because I’m a a clumsy oaf with a tendency to spill food down everything..

We were given a very expensive half bottle of dessert wine. We never drink dessert wine and certainly wouldn't finish it between the two of us, so I suggested opening it on Christmas day when my parents were here, as they like that sort of thing. My mum said no, we should save it for a special occasion, and I was thinking.... 'but this is a special occasion!'.

With some of these things, I wonder if part of the psychology is people being afraid that either the special thing they've been saving "for best" won't be as nice as they've been imagining, or that it will make the "normal" stuff feel disappointing forever more.

I remember my dad once buying champagne for xmas that was a more expensive than the usual one he orders because they didn't have the usual one in stock (was a proper first world, middle class problem!). He remarked that he couldn't decide if he was hoping to be able to tell the difference between the expensive bottles and the normal one and I got what he meant - you want the more expensive things to feel special to justify the price difference, but not so special that the nice-but-slightly-less-special thing feels dull and that from now on only the expensive one will do!

I am definitely like this and so are my siblings. We didn’t have much money growing up and had few possessions or nice clothes. I have a poverty consciousness now. I am also a hoarder, as is one of my siblings. When my father died I found lots of packets of clothes unopened that he had bought in sales. He had a fear that one day he wouldn’t have the money to buy them. Even though he was at that point wealthy.

Re the F&M chocolates- I found loads at my late parents' home - nearly all had to be binned. I think that they (unlike me!) weren't so greedy and didn't get around to it but not redistributing to greedy offspring was part of their wartime upbringing if they may come in useful.
They spent their working lives 'saving for best' but fortunately enjoyed their retirement whilst in a non profligate manner. Nothing sadder than finding unused things though - they had collections they kept adding to when they couldn't still organise/put things out.
Please eat the chocolates and use the nice stuff - for your relatives' sake if you still struggle to do it for your own.
I do however get the not wanting to try too in case you can't 'go back' - a family member was advising me I really should try a business class flight to a holiday when I had a one off bit of spare cash - well I'd not want to go back to my normal cattle flight then so I daren't 🙈 - I know this as when I finally moved from scrapper cars I've taken my nice car for far too long to the dealership for all services etc as I love the customer service but I know it's now a waste really (age of my loved car). I also do it with food.

It’s a mindset I’ve been guilty of, but am better now, especially with clothes. I always envied those people who looked lovely all the time - wore dresses instead of jeans when going out etc , so decided to be more adventurous and wear my nicer clothes.

I’ve recently started wearing a pendant that my DM bought me as a child. She died many years ago, so I kept it safe, but then I realised that it’s better to be worn and lost than never coming out of the box.

I bet your Mum had this even more from her parents!

@PinkArt they are good until mid August so they’ll be well within date on my birthday. I couldn’t break Lent. My brain won’t let me do that.
I also have candles I’m not burning.
I will start doing things differently from today and start by lighting my candle!