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Original poster

Casual sex

295 replies

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 19:13

Does anyone on here enjoy casual sex, like one night stands?

I'm 41. I've been in long relationships before. I've also had sex in short term relationships. Like, I knew the guy for three to six months.

I'd never really had a one night stand.

Anyway when I turned 40 (and single now) I thought I hadn't had enough sex in life, and that I hadn't been spontaneous enough.

I decided to go on tinder and have some one night stands .

Ive done two so far. The two men were nice enough. I just found the whole thing a bit boring? It didnt do much for me at all.

It didn't help that both men focused on their pleasure, and not mine. They didn't want to do anything for my pleasure. I had to keep asking them to do one thing

I was thinking I'd missed out on something, but now I've tried it, maybe I hadnt

OP posts:
LilacPeer · 25/03/2025 19:32

I had one one night stand after my husband left.

it was just before the second lockdown and I was shopping at a shopping centre. The security guard caught my eye and followed me to the car to give me his number. Nothing like that had ever happened to me in my life before. I thought why not and met him for a drink. Afterwards he asked if I wanted to go for a drive and stupidly I agreed and we ended up in a lay-by having sex in his car. It’s the sort of thing no one in my life would have any clue I’d ever done. I never replied to his messages after that as a one off was enough for me. But I wouldn’t mind that sort of spontaneous experience again. I’m not sure I’d have the balls to meet someone specifically for sex and wonder if that might take the magic out a bit?

nialetahc · 25/03/2025 19:34

I'm 19 and I personally don't enjoy it. It happened twice and honestly boring, shit, and never talked to them again.

Pleasecanyouadviseme · 25/03/2025 19:35

I've done it and also found it p unfulfilling tbh

peachgreen · 25/03/2025 19:36

I had quite a few after my husband died (not immediately after, I should add!) and they were varied but on the whole I found it a good experience. I got to experiment a lot and also some of them were very flattering for the ego! But in general, sex is definitely significantly better in a long term relationship.

strawberrywishes · 25/03/2025 19:37

It's overrated. I feel I enjoy sex more when I have a connection on some level with that person so a one night stand doesn't do much for me.

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 19:38

No (short answer)

I don't personally wish to have the body of a man inside me that I don't know or am not In a relationship with.

To me if feels sordid and undignified.

Sex and love (or at least 'feelings') for the person are vital for me .

I'm no prude, I've made mistakes and ended up having one night stands in the past and deeply regretted it. (Alcohol fuelled)

I'm married now and have been for a long time, but if I weren't, I would never consider casual sex. If you miss the 'physical act ' there's products to simulate it. If you miss relationships and connection - you are best to look for a relationship.

We pretend it's cool, but it's women that end up hurt usually in these arrangements.

Personally speaking, I think it's just another standard we've dropped in society.

FortyElephants · 25/03/2025 19:38

Yes, lots. Some of the sex was great, most was fun but not mind blowing. Much better than one night stands is FWB/FB.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 25/03/2025 19:39

I'm 33 and on my weight loss and glow up journey

Had very little sex in my life, and even less consensual sex

I've done some healing though and it's time to enjoy life!

I cant wait to have one night stands 🤭🤭🤭

Mrsttcno1 · 25/03/2025 19:41

To be fair I think one night stands are pretty typically bad sex, at least for women. Most women have the best sex with a partner because then that partner

  1. Can learn what we need/want/enjoy
  2. Actually cares about us so wants to make us feel good too

A random man having one-off sex with someone they never have to see again is not going to be particularly bothered about the other person.

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 25/03/2025 19:43

I had a lot when I was going through a difficult phase in my life. Looking back, I think my self-esteem was at rock bottom, and the ONS didn't help. I ended up feeling a bit shit. I agree that a FWB situation is much preferable.

snowynight · 25/03/2025 19:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

NordicGiant · 25/03/2025 19:44

I'm the same age as you. I suppose you could say I was having casual sex at the moment, because I've got a man I'm seeing but he isn't my boyfriend.

This kind of casual sex I'm alright with. I'm not long out of a short but very suffocating relationship. I know the man I'm seeing - we dated in the distant past and we do have a good connection. The sex is 5000 out of 10. So yeah I go home happy and enjoy my own company until the next time.

But I would struggle to have good sex with a stranger I had just met. First time sex is rarely good. You need to find someone decent in bed, kind, and readily available. They are out there, but you need more investment on both sides than this to find the really good stuff. Some men are able to be trained up by the way - if they're a good listener and a fast learner.

Don't give up though. This is a great age for sex, I've found.

Original poster
Nanareed · 25/03/2025 19:44

Mrsttcno1 · 25/03/2025 19:41

To be fair I think one night stands are pretty typically bad sex, at least for women. Most women have the best sex with a partner because then that partner

  1. Can learn what we need/want/enjoy
  2. Actually cares about us so wants to make us feel good too

A random man having one-off sex with someone they never have to see again is not going to be particularly bothered about the other person.

I don't know. I had a long term partner of one year.

And he was also extremely selfish in bed and only cared about his own pleasure.

You also see a lot of threads on mumsnet, where women write about selfish partners. That the men just pump away and then go to sleep.

I think that a lot of men are just selfish in bed.

OP posts:
Treesindeserts · 25/03/2025 19:47

No, the sex is shit. Did it when I was younger and because thought it made me cool snd liberated, but it was just shit sex. So I stopped.

Interestingly I once heard a ( very fit and good looking) young man telling his mates he was fed up of ONS too, and he wanted a proper girlfriend, and anyway, the sex was shit in ONS. So there we go. Men think so too! ( or at least he did).

Original poster
Nanareed · 25/03/2025 19:48

I think sex is definitely better with an emotional connection.

I've heard men say that too

OP posts:
ELCismyspiritnana · 25/03/2025 19:56

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 25/03/2025 19:39

I'm 33 and on my weight loss and glow up journey

Had very little sex in my life, and even less consensual sex

I've done some healing though and it's time to enjoy life!

I cant wait to have one night stands 🤭🤭🤭

Can I just advise some caution here with your history of non consent? I was in a position where my first experience was non-consentual and as a direct result I "claimed back my autonomy" by being quite promiscuous. I now bitterly regret this. Nor because I think one night stands are bad - they can be hugely fun! But that you really need to be in the right frame of mind.
I'm sure you have thought about all this, and really don't want to come across as telling you what to do, but please just make sure you are in the right head space.
Congrats on your glow up, but I am sure you were just as beautiful before.x

Cleebope2 · 25/03/2025 19:57

So over rated. People who haven’t done them think they’re missing out. People who have done them know the thrill is in the chase and the ego boost but after you feel like shit, like a hangover, with little satisfaction involved in the act. And if you genuinely like the guy it’s unlikely to lead to more as he will think you’re too easy.

Mrsttcno1 · 25/03/2025 19:59

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 19:44

I don't know. I had a long term partner of one year.

And he was also extremely selfish in bed and only cared about his own pleasure.

You also see a lot of threads on mumsnet, where women write about selfish partners. That the men just pump away and then go to sleep.

I think that a lot of men are just selfish in bed.

Show quote history

I don’t disagree but the reality is at least in a relationship of some kind there SHOULD be some mutual care there, and wanting to please because do actually care about the other person and want them to enjoy themselves.

With a random one night thing, where’s the incentive?

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 20:04

Cleebope2 · 25/03/2025 19:57

So over rated. People who haven’t done them think they’re missing out. People who have done them know the thrill is in the chase and the ego boost but after you feel like shit, like a hangover, with little satisfaction involved in the act. And if you genuinely like the guy it’s unlikely to lead to more as he will think you’re too easy.

Edited

I agree with you.

We can all pretend that it doesn't happen and it isn't the case , but women who have sex with a ONS or FWB are just going to be considered "easy" by the person having sex with them.

I find the FWB even worse than a one night stand. Why on earth do you want to have sex with a friend ? And if you fancy them enough to want their penis in you - why are you not in a relationship? That's not friends ! I really really just don't get it !

LollyLand · 25/03/2025 20:05

I’m mid 30s and I’ve never had a ONS but I used to enjoy having FWBs.

Original poster
Nanareed · 25/03/2025 20:05

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 20:04

I agree with you.

We can all pretend that it doesn't happen and it isn't the case , but women who have sex with a ONS or FWB are just going to be considered "easy" by the person having sex with them.

I find the FWB even worse than a one night stand. Why on earth do you want to have sex with a friend ? And if you fancy them enough to want their penis in you - why are you not in a relationship? That's not friends ! I really really just don't get it !

Show quote history

I don't care if the one night stands I had saw me as "easy".

It doesn't matter at all.

As I never saw the person again. So why would I care what they think

OP posts:
Original poster
Nanareed · 25/03/2025 20:06

LollyLand · 25/03/2025 20:05

I’m mid 30s and I’ve never had a ONS but I used to enjoy having FWBs.

FWB is probably better.

OP posts:
Differentstarts · 25/03/2025 20:08

Iv had a mixture iv had some shockingly bad one night stands and some great ones but it doesn't compare to a regular partner. Whether that's a relationship or fwb

Sugarfish · 25/03/2025 20:14

I enjoyed one night stands when I was young, single and drunk. Loved meeting a guy on a night out, flirting and dancing with him for the evening and then going home with him. Thrill of the chase maybe? The alcohol made me feel more confident I think and sometimes the sex was a bit wild. Made me feel good though.

Tried it sober before and it was just awkward.

Don’t know if I could be bothered these days.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 25/03/2025 20:19

ELCismyspiritnana · 25/03/2025 19:56

Can I just advise some caution here with your history of non consent? I was in a position where my first experience was non-consentual and as a direct result I "claimed back my autonomy" by being quite promiscuous. I now bitterly regret this. Nor because I think one night stands are bad - they can be hugely fun! But that you really need to be in the right frame of mind.
I'm sure you have thought about all this, and really don't want to come across as telling you what to do, but please just make sure you are in the right head space.
Congrats on your glow up, but I am sure you were just as beautiful before.x

Show quote history

Thank you for your kindness @ELCismyspiritnana ❤️

I'm doing better - i had the opposite reaction, and became scared to sleep with anyone incase they took a video of me and sent it round by Bluetooth (ageing myself there 😄)

Ended up getting myself into silly situations with men who decided I'd messed them around and they were within their rights to assault me

Now i know that their behaviour had a name, and I was just a kid all alone doing kid shit

Plus, fingers crossed, I am working my way away from my home town where all of this happened

Once I'm free and glowed up, it will be on my terms and with super hot men I want to sleep with 🤭🤭

Plus, if they're only focused on themselves, I can kick them to the curb! Life is too short for a man who's bad in bed 🤢