Page 5 | Casual sex

Nanareed · 2025-03-25T19:13:02+00:00

Does anyone on here enjoy casual sex, like one night stands? I'm 41. I've been in long relationships before. I've also had sex in short term relationships. Like, I knew the guy for three to six months. I'd never really had a one night stand. Anyway when I turned 40 (and single now) I thought I hadn't had enough sex in life, and that I hadn't been spontaneous enough. I decided to go on tinder and have some one night stands . Ive done two so far. The two men were nice enough. I just found the whole thing a bit boring? It didnt do much for me at all. It didn't help that both men focused on their pleasure, and not mine. They didn't want to do anything for my pleasure. I had to keep asking them to do one thing I was thinking I'd missed out on something, but now I've tried it, maybe I hadnt

Original poster

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 22:28

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:03

You're allowed to have your thoughts.

I personally think it's a shame sex has become something akin to just scratching an itch and our bodies are just transactional

Maybe I have conservative or old fashioned views. But I'm sure if you asked a Muslim woman or devout Christian woman how they viewed sex you'd get a similar answer. I expect posters would be falling overthemselves to "respect" my views if I was the former.

Edited

Show quote history

You can have any view you want about your own body.

But there is no need to insult other women.

The previous poster wrote that women who have casual sex are easy and have no respect and low standards.

Why the need to insult other women?
It's our choice what we do.

She could just say that she prefers not to gave casual sex, she prefers to have sex in a relationship. There was no need for her to insult other women.

OP posts:

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:29

peachgreen · 25/03/2025 22:25

Women are allowed have different opinions you know...

Indeed @Dontlletmedownbruce – about their own bodies and what they want to do with them, but not about anyone else’s. There’s a difference between “I personally wouldn’t have a one night stand and can’t see the appeal but I don’t judge those who do” and “women who have one night stands are easy”. One is absolutely fine. One is not.

@SquashedMallow I’ve already said that I would have reacted in the same way whether you were religious or not. And “if I were a Muslim I could say X offensive thing without consequence” is a) untrue, b) deflection and c) quite often used as a racist dogwhistle.

Wow. "Racism" now ..... Honestly that's quite frankly unbelievable.

Also, people do judge. They're allowed to. So long as they're not proposing harm to those they have judgemental thoughts of.I've never actually said I thought less of people. Just that I don't 'get it'- I don't think I ever will!

Would you go to Egypt ? If so, would you cover yourself to respect how they feel women should dress ? Or would you say "fuck you, I'll do as I please, you can't tell me what to do ?" No. I bet you'd respect their customs. So your point doesn't stand.

Original poster

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 22:30

Dontlletmedownbruce · 25/03/2025 22:10

I don't necessarily agree. I would think a man who had sex on the first date in much the same terms as a woman. Whether I think they lack self respect or are enjoying their bodies as they should, I still would think of it in the same terms.

You seem very intolerant of people who hold a different view to you. You've called @SquashedMallow old fashioned and a slut shamer because she holds different views around sex. So what? Her views are just as valid as yours or anybody else's. Women are allowed have different opinions you know...

Edited

Show quote history

She said that women who have casual sex were easy, have no respect, and have low standards

She insulted a lot of women.

I have never once insulted her choice of what she wants to do in sex. Not once.

She has no right to insult other women. It's everyone's choice, what they do

OP posts:

TheMarzipanDildo · 25/03/2025 22:31

Depends on the partner. Most of the one nighters I had a few years back were more focused on my pleasure than theirs tbh. Partly because I’d never been in a relationship so didn’t really know what I was supposed to do!

Original poster

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 22:33

peachgreen · 25/03/2025 21:46

VERY depressing that there are still women who think that women who enjoy having sex and don’t think it’s the reserve of a serious relationship only are “easy” or “slags”. Talk about internalised misogyny…

Absolutely this!

OP posts:

TheMarzipanDildo · 25/03/2025 22:33

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 20:05

I don't care if the one night stands I had saw me as "easy".

It doesn't matter at all.

As I never saw the person again. So why would I care what they think

Show quote history

It would be a bit unreasonable of them to judge when they’re doing the exact same thing wouldn’t it?!

peachgreen · 25/03/2025 22:33

I've never actually said I thought less of people.

You said women have one-night stands will be considered easy, have no self-respect and represent “a fall in standards of society”. Pretty sure that counts as thinking less of people…

Would you go to Egypt ? If so, would you cover yourself to respect how they feel women should dress ? Or would you say "fuck you, I'll do as I please, you can't tell me what to do ?" No. I bet you'd respect their customs. So your point doesn't stand.

What on earth does that have to do with anything? Whose customs am I disrespecting by having sex?

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:36

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 22:28

You can have any view you want about your own body.

But there is no need to insult other women.

The previous poster wrote that women who have casual sex are easy and have no respect and low standards.

Why the need to insult other women?
It's our choice what we do.

She could just say that she prefers not to gave casual sex, she prefers to have sex in a relationship. There was no need for her to insult other women.

Show quote history

I understand you take offence to feeling insulted. I get that. I would too.

But you did ask how posters feel about casual sex and there will be some people (like me) who have views that may come across as insulting if they're very different to yours.

Some people will judge and will have a poor judgement of those that partake in casual sex. People are allowed to judge people! What they're not allowed to do is turn the judgement into hateful action towards the group they're judging.

I get "easy" is a horrible term. And if the poster said "I think you're easy" it'd be removed by Mumsnet as it's a personal insult. But to say "in my opinion, men view woman as 'easy' in these situations" is more of a brutally honest opinion (which the poster is allowed). I'm sorry if you've found some comments offensive.

Original poster

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 22:36

TheMarzipanDildo · 25/03/2025 22:33

It would be a bit unreasonable of them to judge when they’re doing the exact same thing wouldn’t it?!

Show quote history

Exactly! That's what I think. How could the man think I'm "easy" when he has been "easy" himself.

Also the poster who wrote about the word easy, seems to think that women need to withhold sex in order to get the man into a relationship.

But I didn't want to get the man into a relationship! So why would I care in the slightest if he thought that I was "easy"

OP posts:

Original poster

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 22:38

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:36

I understand you take offence to feeling insulted. I get that. I would too.

But you did ask how posters feel about casual sex and there will be some people (like me) who have views that may come across as insulting if they're very different to yours.

Some people will judge and will have a poor judgement of those that partake in casual sex. People are allowed to judge people! What they're not allowed to do is turn the judgement into hateful action towards the group they're judging.

I get "easy" is a horrible term. And if the poster said "I think you're easy" it'd be removed by Mumsnet as it's a personal insult. But to say "in my opinion, men view woman as 'easy' in these situations" is more of a brutally honest opinion (which the poster is allowed). I'm sorry if you've found some comments offensive.

Show quote history

Okay.

Can I ask you a question.

Do you also think the women view the men as "easy" in these situations.

Or do you think it is only men casting a judgement on women?

Because I've never come away from a one night stand thinking "that man was so easy".

The way you're talking, it's like a woman is an object that a man uses.

When actually casual sex can be a very equal thing, in my experience.

OP posts:

peachgreen · 25/03/2025 22:39

But to say "in my opinion, men view woman as 'easy' in these situations" is more of a brutally honest opinion (which the poster is allowed).

And we’re allowed to call out the internalised misogyny which is inherent in said opinion.

GroovyChick87 · 25/03/2025 22:42

I've had some good one night stands but for the most part, they were mediocre. I prefer sex within my marriage because he knows exactly how to finish me off and it's always of a high standard. If I found myself unexpectedly single again I'm not sure I could go back to casual sex.

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:43

peachgreen · 25/03/2025 22:33

I've never actually said I thought less of people.

You said women have one-night stands will be considered easy, have no self-respect and represent “a fall in standards of society”. Pretty sure that counts as thinking less of people…

Would you go to Egypt ? If so, would you cover yourself to respect how they feel women should dress ? Or would you say "fuck you, I'll do as I please, you can't tell me what to do ?" No. I bet you'd respect their customs. So your point doesn't stand.

What on earth does that have to do with anything? Whose customs am I disrespecting by having sex?

You said nobody had the right to tell people what to do with their bodies ? It seems that's not true !

Yes, I do think there's been a drop in morals/standards of society. Yes I do believe men view women as 'easy' if they have casual sex (doesn't mean I think that's nice , I don't, but it is reality ) yes I do feel giving your body away to a random man on a night out 'lacks self respect ' - I accept that is my opinion and it may be insulting to some people.

But, as far as I'm aware, I am allowed that opinion. It's just an opinion that looks different. And doesn't fit modern narrative.

Original poster

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 22:43

I would do another ons in the future. But I think I'd prefer a friends with benefits situation

OP posts:

Original poster

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 22:45

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:43

You said nobody had the right to tell people what to do with their bodies ? It seems that's not true !

Yes, I do think there's been a drop in morals/standards of society. Yes I do believe men view women as 'easy' if they have casual sex (doesn't mean I think that's nice , I don't, but it is reality ) yes I do feel giving your body away to a random man on a night out 'lacks self respect ' - I accept that is my opinion and it may be insulting to some people.

But, as far as I'm aware, I am allowed that opinion. It's just an opinion that looks different. And doesn't fit modern narrative.

Show quote history

Okay can you elaborate on your opinion.

How does it lack self respect exactly?

I quite enjoyed the one night stand experience.

Me and him went for coffee and breakfast the next morning, and we had a really nice chat.

OP posts:

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:45

peachgreen · 25/03/2025 22:39

But to say "in my opinion, men view woman as 'easy' in these situations" is more of a brutally honest opinion (which the poster is allowed).

And we’re allowed to call out the internalised misogyny which is inherent in said opinion.

But what you're saying translates to "your opinion is wrong. You've only got that opinion because you're an internal misogynist" rather than accepting the poster has a view that's different and you don't know it derives from misogyny at all

peachgreen · 25/03/2025 22:47

You said nobody had the right to tell people what to do with their bodies ? It seems that's not true !

These are two entirely different situations and I can’t for a minute believe you genuinely think they’re equivalent when a single second of critical thinking would make it crystal clear that covering my shoulders in a country where that is required is not the same thing as telling another woman she has no self respect and is part of the downfall of society for having casual sex. I mean, really. Come on.

You are indeed “allowed that opinion”. But like I said, we’re allowed to point out that it’s misogynistic to hold that opinion.

peachgreen · 25/03/2025 22:48

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:45

But what you're saying translates to "your opinion is wrong. You've only got that opinion because you're an internal misogynist" rather than accepting the poster has a view that's different and you don't know it derives from misogyny at all

Show quote history

Oh, it absolutely does derive from misogyny. HTH.

Original poster

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 22:51

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:43

You said nobody had the right to tell people what to do with their bodies ? It seems that's not true !

Yes, I do think there's been a drop in morals/standards of society. Yes I do believe men view women as 'easy' if they have casual sex (doesn't mean I think that's nice , I don't, but it is reality ) yes I do feel giving your body away to a random man on a night out 'lacks self respect ' - I accept that is my opinion and it may be insulting to some people.

But, as far as I'm aware, I am allowed that opinion. It's just an opinion that looks different. And doesn't fit modern narrative.

Show quote history

I'm going to enter a discussion with you about it.

You said men view women who have casual sex as ' easy. '
Do you think women also view men who have casual sex as 'easy'.?

Do YOU think men who have casual sex are "easy"?

If not, why do you have that double standard.?

Also how can it be easy if both me and him agreed to have sex online before we met. It was a mutual agreement of what we both wanted . We talked about it before and we both agreed to it.

We wrote to each other on tinder. We agreed that we would meet in a bar and if we were attracted to each other, we would go back and have sex.

We agreed beforehand that if we weren't attracted to each other in real life, we would just have a drink in the bar and go home separately

It was all mutually agreed and respectful.

OP posts:

ThatsCute · 25/03/2025 23:07

peachgreen · 25/03/2025 21:41

Hmm, I’d say about 50%? And the rest of the time, to be quite honest, I knew it wasn’t going to happen (because, like many women, it can be hard for me to reach orgasm, FWB or not!) so I faked it. I’ve never had sex with someone who had no interest in my pleasure. Not saying it doesn’t happen – obviously it does – but it didn’t to me. They always made the effort.

Show quote history

According to sex psychologist Karen Gurney, it’s about 10%.

TheMarzipanDildo · 25/03/2025 23:10

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:43

You said nobody had the right to tell people what to do with their bodies ? It seems that's not true !

Yes, I do think there's been a drop in morals/standards of society. Yes I do believe men view women as 'easy' if they have casual sex (doesn't mean I think that's nice , I don't, but it is reality ) yes I do feel giving your body away to a random man on a night out 'lacks self respect ' - I accept that is my opinion and it may be insulting to some people.

But, as far as I'm aware, I am allowed that opinion. It's just an opinion that looks different. And doesn't fit modern narrative.

Show quote history

I wasn’t “giving my body away” when I was having one night stands, I was pleasure seeking.

PlasticPassion · 25/03/2025 23:13

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 25/03/2025 22:20

No.

Show quote history

I think that’s really nice that people can have that. It sounds lovely.

Original poster

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 23:13

SquashedMallow · 25/03/2025 22:43

You said nobody had the right to tell people what to do with their bodies ? It seems that's not true !

Yes, I do think there's been a drop in morals/standards of society. Yes I do believe men view women as 'easy' if they have casual sex (doesn't mean I think that's nice , I don't, but it is reality ) yes I do feel giving your body away to a random man on a night out 'lacks self respect ' - I accept that is my opinion and it may be insulting to some people.

But, as far as I'm aware, I am allowed that opinion. It's just an opinion that looks different. And doesn't fit modern narrative.

Show quote history

I just want to point out one thing of what you're saying that doesn't make sense.

You said women who have casual sex, have no self respect.

I didn't have a one night stand until I was 40.

So did I have self respect before 40, and I had no self respect after age 0?

The maths doesn't math using your judgy terms.

If a woman has no one night stands for forty years, then has two one night stands in her forties, how does that woman have no self respect for herself?

I don't care how many one night stands a woman has. I'm pointing out that what you're saying, makes no sense.

That a woman who only has sex in relationships has huge respect for herself, and that a woman who has one night stands has low self respect

OP posts:

Original poster

Nanareed · 25/03/2025 23:15

TheMarzipanDildo · 25/03/2025 23:10

I wasn’t “giving my body away” when I was having one night stands, I was pleasure seeking.

Show quote history

Exactly we are not an object to give away.

Sex is a mutual thing

OP posts:

fourelementary · 25/03/2025 23:17

Like you @Nanareed infeltni was maybe missing out as I’d been in a LTR from my teens and married him- so when we split up I went out to have fun and ended up with a few ONS. One guy was actually amazing at sex. But he had a very small penis so I think he knew he had to make the efforts otherwise- and that was enjoyable.
But the other two- crap. And no real enjoyment for me other than an ego boost which was needed. But now I’m happily married and would never want a ONS again anyway.