Casual sex

[Nanareed]

Does anyone on here enjoy casual sex, like one night stands?

I'm 41. I've been in long relationships before. I've also had sex in short term relationships. Like, I knew the guy for three to six months.

I'd never really had a one night stand.

Anyway when I turned 40 (and single now) I thought I hadn't had enough sex in life, and that I hadn't been spontaneous enough.

I decided to go on tinder and have some one night stands .

Ive done two so far. The two men were nice enough. I just found the whole thing a bit boring? It didnt do much for me at all.

It didn't help that both men focused on their pleasure, and not mine. They didn't want to do anything for my pleasure. I had to keep asking them to do one thing

I was thinking I'd missed out on something, but now I've tried it, maybe I hadnt

OK. I've skim-read this thread. If the word 'orgasm' was used I missed it. (Corrections from close readers welcomed.) What's the proportion you young ones have had in one night stands? Mine stands at zero percent.

I think I need to get off this thread - it's like living in a parallel universe 😂. I guess it must be a 'me' problem. I'm just finding it totally bizarre..!

"Just body parts"

"Don't care if they think I'm easy"

When did women stop having self respect ? That's just how it comes across to me. It just feels like a drop in standards in society. I'm aware my opinion is obviously not welcomed , but surely I'm not the only one who feels like this !?

How is having sex a man on the first date, having less respect for yourself, then having sex with a man on the third date.

It makes no sense!

Loads of men have sex on the first date. Do you think they also have no respect for themselves? Do you think they have low standards?

No.

Society used to only shame women for causal sex. Not men. You're part of the old fashioned slut shaming society

Isn’t that what hand jobs are for? 😂

The men never said to me that I was "easy" actually.

It's only you who has written the word "easy".

I wrote that I don't care if the men think I'm easy. Because it would be such a stupid thing for them to think. Because they were also "easy" ! So how could they think that about me.

I didn't go home and think, "that man was so easy haha".
People don't usually think like that about each other after they have casual sex.

We are adults. You just move on

I meant to say in my last post , I had great sex with FWB relationship’s , ( it’s only I got attached to the last guy ) ..
It is great , someone you get on well but can be yourself sexually with NSA ! ..
Like I said , once you stay on the same page & know you won’t get attached, it’s great Fun then ..

Forgive me , you’ve picked me up wrong , I actually put another post up !
I know that !!!
I’ve had great FWB relationships !!!, it’s just I got attached to the last guy , so then I stopped , that’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️..

Well said OP ! X

I have plenty of self respect. How is enjoying sex and choosing to have sex with someone I find attractive not having self respect? Even if I have just met them - I like to live in the moment and if I fancy having sex I have it. I think you need to consider your attitude and why you have that judgement regarding women

I wrote 'just body parts" because you wrote that it's an extremely intimate thing to do.

But for me, sex can be just physical sometimes, like going to the gym, but a bit morenfun.

The sex I had with this one night stand, while slightly boring,

I would say was more fun than sex I've had with a long term boyfriend.

Whether we like it or not : women are the vulnerable ones when it comes to sex. Men are not vulnerable. We can deny that all we like, but it's factual.

So men having a one night stand or casual sex hold the power.

'Self respect'

Those were the words used by those hard kids bullying people for being 'slags innit' at my school

Self respect is doing what makes you happy and being honest with who you are

Having sex with sexy men, on your own terms, is an act of self respect tbh

Pretending you don't like sex so a man thinks you're wife material is the opposite imo

I disagree with this. What is this power of which you speak? It's not a power struggle, it's two adults having consensual sex. It can be great fun 😁

Ok. You live in that naive world. I'll let Someone else come along and explain why a woman is vulnerable in a sex with randoms situation, yet a man isn't.

Agree, I'm so glad things have improved somewhat, although we're seeing a regression now 🥺

Thank you 😌❤️ me too 🤭

Actually I found at school it was usually "the slags" (as you put it) bullying the girls that didn't "put out" , calling them "frigid" and "Virgins"

This thread has got very very strange 🤔

I'm interested to talk about this further.

But what power did my one night stand have over me?

He was nice and polite to me when he met me.

He was nice and polite to me during sex.

He was a bit selfish in sex, but after I asked him to do some things he did.

We went for breakfast and coffee the next morning and he was polite and kind to me.

We added each other on instagram. So we are still in contact. Though I have no plans to meet him again, it was all very polite and respectful.

So what power did he have over me?

Yes I enjoyed it in my 20s but I haven’t done it in a while! A FWB situation or seeing someone casually would work well I think. You still need to be able to have some kind of relationship and be able to have adult conversations with them.

Exactly. The majority of men are quite bad in sex. Their benchmark is porn. Throw in the fact that they won’t be focusing on your pleasure and it’s literally not worth it!

I've had a handful of ONS, but not that many. Maybe five in total? Most of them went on to be three or four night stands or actual relationships. If you are having loads of one night stands that stay as one night stands then it just means no-one wants to see you again, or you don't want to see them again. That's a sign that you have low standards and poor judgement, probably because you are drunk.

It seems like fun at the time, until it starts to feel like depressing, grubby failure on repeat.

You didn't know him. He had the potential to rape you, hurt you physically. Just two examples. He could have been a dangerous man. You've no idea.

Ok, you can argue that still could be the case with a boyfriend. But you have the advantage of knowing them somewhat at least.

Imagine if you met up and changed your mind about sex. Some men can get very nasty about that.

Sex with a stranger has the ability to be much more risky

The only man that has ever sexually assaulted me was actually a boyfriend that I had.

Knowing someone longer doesn't make them less risky.

Hmm, I’d say about 50%? And the rest of the time, to be quite honest, I knew it wasn’t going to happen (because, like many women, it can be hard for me to reach orgasm, FWB or not!) so I faked it. I’ve never had sex with someone who had no interest in my pleasure. Not saying it doesn’t happen – obviously it does – but it didn’t to me. They always made the effort.