EBSA support thread 2

[Luddite26]

Hopefully this links to Brambley Hedges EBSA support thread.
A community to discuss the processes and support each other when children are experiencing Emotionally Based School Avoidance.

DS had a day off yesterday (the whole school did), but DS had a really poor night's sleep and I think we're going to have a battle on our hands this morning getting into school. I'm not sure why they chose thursday off instead of the Friday but it feels like they've stifled our momentum.

I'm a bit slow going this morning too due to some rather enthusiastic choice I made to crack on with decorating whilst I had some energy and misreading my energy levels so I think if DS does put up a fight there's a good chance he will be taking this as a mental health day but I hope I'm wrong and he does go in because it made my heart buzz when he decided at the gates the other day to choose excitement over fear, and he talked to me in bed last night about his friends, the boys and girls.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead Yes a mid-week school closure isn’t ideal is it. We would struggle with that too! It’s sweet that he talked to you about the girls and boys. I hope you manage to get him in this morning and get some rest yourself!

Dd was fine when I got back, she was just tired when I spoke to her. She said she is feeling anxious about school but we tried on her full uniform for the first time last night and she loved it and was really happy, so ended the day on a good note. I’ve ordered her a specific (very pricey!!) water bottle she’s wanted for months as a surprise for Tuesday, so I’m excited to give her that. I’ve spent a bloody fortune on uniform and bits she needs but I wanted her to have all new for a fresh start, even though she didn’t use her stuff for last year for very long. I think even using her old pencil case would bring up some weird feelings for her.

Hope everyone has a peaceful Friday 🙏🏻

That's so lovely. I was going to suggest new stationary, and perhaps using a dummy run to the new school with a pit stop somewhere for new stationary as a way of breaking up the anxiety whilst making the route seem familiar enough to not trigger a fight or flight response, but I wasn't entirely sure my suggestion would be helpful as DS has only had (frequent) short bursts away from school, max 2 weeks at a time, but as little as a few hours, so I'm not the best person to advise on reintroduction after very long absences but new stationary and accessories always makes me feel good about a new situation.

The car park barriers were down this morning, no traffic so relatively safe but the additional distance, even though it was short gave him the last minute wobbles and he was trying to run back to the car saying "no school we have to go some place else!"

To people who don't understand EBSA they probably don't understand even that little distance is a big transition for him and it gives his nervous system time to work himself up that just being 10 foot from the entrance in a parking spot doesn't and it's when it is busy and he's trying to elope back to the car that I'm worried about his safety.

I always say he is a runner, and I am not but even if he slipped my hand and ran I don't think I could keep up with him and school traffic is a law unto itself.

He did go in eventually because he needed a wee and they have toilets but he wasn't happy about it.

Another issue that seems like a non-issue is lunch times. They have 2 things most days he will reliably eat, either ham sandwiches or a pasta pot, but you've to order on Friday for the following week and what he will tolerate eating changes from day to day so he won't reliably eat either and you can't change it on the day.

This week I ordered pasta for Wednesday and asked him would he like pasta or ham sandwich for Friday, he chose ham sandwich and today when he was told it was ham sandwich he had a meltdown in the car where he was pulling his hair and kicking my seat because he wanted pasta.

They also change the shape of the pasta depending on what's the cheapest to order that week but they don't tell you what shape it is so I wish them the best of luck at lunch time next week and cross my fingers it's either penne or conchiglie because if it's fusilli they've blown it.

annual EHCP review is due so we've got a meeting booked in for the 13th of October.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead, the AR process should be as follows:

1. Updated advice and information must be circulated at least 2 weeks prior to the AR meeting.
2. Then you have the AR meeting.
3. Within 2 weeks of the AR meeting, a report must be circulated.
4. Within 4 weeks of the AR meeting, the LA must inform you if they propose to amend or not. If they are, they must send the amendment notice/draft/notice of amendment/proposed amendments (whatever the LA/you want to call it) at the same time and you must be given at least 15 days to comment on the amendments and state your preferred placement.
5. Then, if the LA is amending, the LA must finalise within 8 weeks of sending the proposed amendments.

Before the AR meeting it is a good idea to go through the current EHCP, existing evidence and the updated advice and information (they you should have by now) so you know what needs amending and if you need any further evidnece.

Go through all the reports with highlighters. Highlight all DS’s special educational needs in one colour and all the provision to meet DS’s needs in another colour. Each need should have corresponding provision. There should also be corresponding outcomes.

Then go through the EHCP and make sure all the highlighted needs are in B and the highlighted provision is in F. Make a note of anything the LA has omitted, any needs without corresponding provision, any woolly and vague wording.

When checking F look out for vague and woolly wording - “access to”, “or equivalent”, “opportunities for”, “as appropriate”, “would benefit from”, “regular”, “up to”, “would be useful/helpful”, “such as”, “e.g.”, “etc.”, “as required”, “as advised”, “key adult(s)”, “small group”. If provision isn’t detailed, specified and quantified the EHCP isn’t worth the paper it is written on and cannot be enforced.

When you come across vague and woolly wording, check the reports to see if they are woolly and vague or if the LA has watered down provision. Provision in EHCPs is taken from the reports, so if the reports are vague and woolly the EHCP will be too.

This way, you know where the weaknesses are, what needs amending, and what updated advice and information is needed.

Also make sure any health or social care provision that educates or trains is in F. For example, LAs like to put things like SALT, OT, physio, etc. in G (health care provision) when it belongs in F.

@Leafywool LAs act as the do because it saves them money. What to you is bizarre and inefficient is a carefully crafted tactic to put parents off and save money. It makes sense when you consider it from the LA’s PoV. The vagueness of what happens now is also a carefully crafted tactic. Just another way of stringing parents along.

@2x4greenbrick thank you this is a really good way to go about it.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead when you said this: To people who don't understand EBSA they probably don't understand even that little distance is a big transition for him.

I really related to that. It took me a long time to understand about transitions, plan changes, feeling comfortable and that what I found so easy is really hard for them.

@Leafywool I hope you have a decent weekend all things considered as the apprehension builds.
my only advice for this life we seem to live is
plan for the worst
hope for the best.
out with the old in with the new is a good start too!

@Jimmyneutronsforehead food is such a nightmare issue at school.
when my grandson was in his 1 term in reception he lost so much weight from his inability to eat in school. we tried everything but his nervous system just went into overdrive. He often says he is so glad he can have his food just how he wants it. This morning I was laughing to myself as I'd made tomatoes on toast for DH and myself scrambled egg and beans on toast for the boys. which entailed for two of them a plate with toast on crusts off in quarters for 1 crusts off in halfs for the other. beans in a bowl seperate and egg in another bowl seperate - never touching. different spoons!

Then understanding transitions. wow what a difference to say we are doing something in 5 minutes then a gentle reminder at 2 mins. Just a total game changer.

@Luddite26 thank you. She has her best friend to sleep over tomorrow then my DM is visiting on Sunday so plenty to distract her. The autistic girls group she goes to restarted tonight after the summer holidays, and one of the older girls goes to the new school so she spent some time chatting with her (dd says they have the same flavour of autism and thinks she’s soooooo cool). Apparently her form tutor is the best and dd friend is jealous. They looked through her timetable and apparently she has good teachers so I think she’s happy to hear that. I’m hoping they spot each other at some point this week as it will make such a difference to dd if she sees a familiar face. She told dd to come and hang out with her if she sees her 🙂

@2x4greenbrick You are so right. It is hard to get my head around but you explain it so well.

@Luddite26 one of the first indications for us that dd was struggling all the way back in primary was that her lunch box kept coming home untouched. We do the no food touching too. I bought a ‘picky plate’ from amazon and it’s been a game changer as dd doesn’t seem to like complete meals but loves random bits in the compartments.

@Leafywool best of luck to DD. Your idea of having all new things sounds great for her. We were careful to drop off and pick up outside of main busy times. We dodged the start and end of the normal school day, but also the gaps between lessons when everyone's moving around. The fact they are prepared to let her lead so much sounds promising. For DS it was all about building the trusting relationship with those key staff members.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead this may not suit DS at all but might an emergency sandwich help? When DS wanted to use the canteen we used to send an emergency back up sandwich - just something cheap like jam - so that if he didn't manage to use the canteen he wasn't left hungry. He had full permission to bin the sacrificial sandwich. We'd just be pleased he managed to buy lunch. I know it's wasteful but ultimately he is more important than a wasted sandwich, and most of the time he'd eat it for after school snack anyway. It wouldn't address the pasta shape problem but I wonder if ordering him pasta every day and sending in a ham sandwich might be an option? But maybe that would be a step backwards, and confusing.

@Luddite26 similar here with beans on toast except it's beans with bread. My favourite kind of swap - simply not toasting it. Hard to argue that one's an inconvenience.