Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Friend has a horrible child or is this normal?

208 replies

BackoffSusan · 26/02/2025 21:55

We've come away on holiday with friends and they have a 4 year old that relentlessly torments and taunts my 4 year old. They seem dismissive of his behaviour and think "the kids are just winding each other up". I think that their kid is just a horrible kid but maybe I'm being precious. Am I? Are kids normally like this at this age? Some examples:
Deliberately destroying my son's den to upset him, whilst saying "im going to break your den", deliberately breaking his toy whilst saying your toy is broken, mine isn't, snatching DS toys out of his hands and refusing to give them back, whilst saying I've got your toy, you can't have it back, chasing after him with some toy scissors saying "im going to cut you and all your toys" and pretending to do so, pushing DS or doing something mean on purpose when he thinks noone is watching & then when DS gets upset he then cries and lies and says DS has hit him, constantly telling DS "im better than you, you're no good at this, you're too small, not strong, not good, I've got this and you haven't". Constantly telling tales. Deliberately doing things he knows DS doesnt like to upset him - DS is quite vocal in saying please dont do that i dont like it, its not nice and this kid just says "im going to do it" It's relentless. Is this normal for a 4 year old? To be deliberately mean and spiteful? Is it a phase? Today both kids attended a class. Friends kid has had more lessons so is at much higher level. He came out waving his medals taunting DS with look what I have, you don't have any, I'm better than you, you're not getting one. DS got upset so I just took him to one side to explain it just takes time to progress and it doesn't matter about the medals. Meanwhile friends kid is following us carrying on with the taunting. He's like it all the time. I snapped at him today and told him his behaviour isn't very kind and he needed to stop. Because his parents just ignore it. Needless to say I won't be holidaying with them again. Any advice on how to manage the last few days. I've tried to keep them apart and just watch them very closely when together but I've had enough.

OP posts:
singletonatlarge · 26/02/2025 22:00

That doesn't sound like very nice behaviour. However, I would say that they are still very young and learning to manage themselves. Being on a group holiday can be very stressful for kids, spending a lot of time with another child can bring up jealousy etc. So I wouldn't rush to label him as a "horrible child", perhaps he's just going through a difficult patch. My suggestion would be to remove your DS from the situation when things get rough - "come on, DS, let's go and read a book in our room" or similar.

MintTwirl · 26/02/2025 22:01

Some kids are like this but usually it is nipped in the bud by their parents. This is on your friends who are allowing this behaviour. I would continue to tell him off if he is treating your dc badly,

And don’t go away with them again!

iknowimcoming · 26/02/2025 22:01

Go out for the day separately and if there's anything either other couple ask why - tell them!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds Behaviour & development Families
FannyBawz · 26/02/2025 22:02

protect your kid from this bully ffs.

iknowimcoming · 26/02/2025 22:03

Apologies should say if the other couple ask why!

WispasAreNicerThanFlakes · 26/02/2025 22:04

Are you sharing accommodation? From memory when in a similar situation only with my sister and her boys:
Day trips away from them
Meals out away from them
Remove DS from situation explains clearly why and what lovely thing he’s going to do instead.
Change seats for trip home.

you can’t change him, you can’t change his parents attitude so remove yourself as much as possible.

FLOWER1982 · 26/02/2025 22:06

No that’s not normal. Your poor boy.

Dillydollydingdong · 26/02/2025 22:07

Nasty child. I'd tell him like it is. Maybe there's something wrong with him? Protect your poor child.
Tell the boy he's got no friends and never will have!

Marylou2 · 26/02/2025 22:12

Where are you OP? Are you abroad or in the UK. This child sounds vile. I'd remove my child immediately. Go home if you can, but if not, just distance yourself as much as possible. Don't be worried about appearing rude. Your child is your priority, and they don't sound like the kind of people it's worth being friends with anyway.

CrotchetyQuaver · 26/02/2025 22:15

I think you're doing the right thing pulling up the other boy on his mean behaviour, I'm a firm believer that if the other parents won't stop it/choose not to see it then you have no option other than to intervene when it's causing so much upset to your own child.

Would agree with PP about going off and doing your own thing instead of staying with them to limit the opportunities for this bullying behaviour.

NC28 · 26/02/2025 22:16

I think you need to be doing more to look after your kid who’s being picked on every day (by the sounds of it). Fuck what the other parents think. Your son is your priority, don’t let someone treat him like this.

theboffinsarecoming · 26/02/2025 22:17

It is not normal to allow your child to behave like that towards someone else's child, no.

TheGroovingDucksOfItchycoo · 26/02/2025 22:25

What consequences do you give this child when he bullied your son, @BackoffSusan ? This child at 4 probably isn't evil but I'm need of boundaries and consequences. Most of us, as kids, knew we would get out behinds tanned if we behaved like that. Obviously you can't do that now (a good thing too) but there must be some way this child can be told it's not appropriate to behave like this?

JollyGreenSleeves · 26/02/2025 22:27

Sounds like one seriously shit holiday for your kid.

Endofyear · 26/02/2025 22:28

If the parents don't step in to chastise the child, I would. I would tell him in a firm loud voice that he's being very unkind and no-one will want to play with him if he's mean and nasty. Hopefully that will shame the parents into reigning him in. I'd get through the next few days by taking your own family off for the day to the beach or whatever - if friends ask why, just tell them you want some family time.

Herewegoagainz · 26/02/2025 22:29

Some kids act like that, usually it’s stopped by a parent.

Hopefully you don’t have too much time left with them.

I would just say you think the kids need a break from each other and do your own thing for the day. You could try and leave early. Put all your son’s toys away where the other child can’t get them. If the kids are sharing a room put your son in with you.

They must see how their son is behaving, so it can’t come as a huge shock that you want to keep them apart.

I have heard so many people get upset over their kids not getting along with their friends kids, and it causes a lot of drama.

One friend of mine goes away with her friend and has the issue that her friends son torments her daughter and they never follow through with and discipline. But I wouldn’t go away with my friend and her kids because her daughter will torment my kids and she does nothing to stop it.

Another friend has a child that torments her friends child, and the friend complains that the child that is tormented spends all his time winging and dobbing.

The point of my rambling is don’t go away with other families. And if you really want to, ALWAYS have separate accommodation so you can escape each other.

Alalalala · 26/02/2025 22:30

Your poor kid. Don’t allow him to be exposed to this treatment again.

maudelovesharold · 26/02/2025 22:33

Is this normal for a 4 year old?

It sounds normal for a 4 year old whose parents aren’t doing a very good job of raising a well-adjusted, sociable child.

Just say to the parents that you and your ds are going to be spending the last few days of the holiday together, doing your own thing, to give your ds some long promised 1-1 time with you.

Downthemarshes · 26/02/2025 22:33

I guess the friendship is going to be over after the holiday anyways as you can't keep exposing your son to this - unless you really value the adult friendship and meet without kids. Given this i would step in as you would parent the other child - sod if it upsets his actual parents who sound clueless!

dotdotdotdash · 26/02/2025 22:35

Make separate plans during the day. When they are together, you’ll have to correct him if his parents won’t. Honestly I would keep the friendship minimal in future.

Original poster
BackoffSusan · 26/02/2025 22:38

Thanks everyone. I wanted to sensor check I wasn't going mad. I have told their son off when I've witnessed his behaviour as in "that's not a kind thing to say, no I know DS didn't hurt you, he was nowhere near you, please don't do that when DS has told you stop and he doesn't like it, please stop saying unkind things, it's not very nice, stop telling tales, stop breaking his den". It seems to fall on deaf ears. This kid is deliberately doing this to be mean, upset DS and antagonising him relentlessly. We went to a shop yesterday and it was "my daddy is biying me a toy at the end of the week and your daddy isnt buying you one", its all really pathetic behaviour but relentless. Endless taunting, bragging, telling tales, lying and being mean. We are abroad and sharing a house. Today I just kept the kids apart. We were meant to have dinner together but their kid started with the taunting so I took my DS somewhere else. It's just making mad that their parents are not pulling him up on it. I can sense we are in danger of all falling out over it.

OP posts:
Clafoutie · 26/02/2025 22:39

Dillydollydingdong · 26/02/2025 22:07

Nasty child. I'd tell him like it is. Maybe there's something wrong with him? Protect your poor child.
Tell the boy he's got no friends and never will have!

Not sure that being an adult bully to a child bully is a good idea though…

Notgivenuphope · 26/02/2025 22:40

Voila the product of shitty parenting. Or no parenting.
Remove your own lovely child from the situation

RandomMess · 26/02/2025 22:41

Perhaps this little boy is going for the any attention is good approach. Sad

I would focus on praising your son and ignoring his behaviour and do as much separately as possible.

Downthemarshes · 26/02/2025 22:42

Yup - based on your last update the friendship is over. You may as well have it out with them. Your doing them a favour in long run.