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Original poster

What do to? Operation and no childcare...

299 replies

daisydaisyrose · 24/02/2025 19:15

Not sure if there is any solution to this, I need an operation and currently have just been told I am booked in for it in just over a week (very short notice, must have been a cancellation, I was told to expect three to six months at least!)

It will require two nights minimum in hospital and a six-eight week recovery with no driving for at least six weeks... I have zero childcare for dd7. Lone parent with old and incapable mother who would rather walk barefoot across hot coals than help me, all friends etc have their own children/work etc so can't really help either.

Any suggestions? I am going to have to call and say I can't have it, aren't I?

OP posts:
RainingRoses · 24/02/2025 19:17

I’ve got children and have a busy job but if a friend needed childcare for surgery, I would make it work. Are you sure your friends are a no go?

Ickity · 24/02/2025 19:17

Have you actually asked your friends or assumed they can’t help? I would always always always do whatever I could to help a real friend out and the majority of people are the same. They’re just rarely asked!

RainingRoses · 24/02/2025 19:18

Maybe a friend of DDs from school if you know the parents well enough?

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Childcare & nursery
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 24/02/2025 19:19

Have you asked your friends op? This is what friends are for (among other things)

I was in the same boat and asked a neighbour and paid her some money. Failing that, you could ask the teachers at her school if any babysit on the side? You'd have to offer to pay. I'm sorry, op. This has to get done so definitely reach out ❤️

AllrightNowBaby · 24/02/2025 19:19

Before you cancel, I would be brave and tell your closest friend about your predicament and she may just offer to have your 7 year old for a few days.

mitogoshigg · 24/02/2025 19:20

Have you asked friends? How about a kind neighbour? You can also approach social services for help, it's not that uncommon a problem, if you need an op, you need it!

Original poster
daisydaisyrose · 24/02/2025 19:22

Thanks for quick replies. Sadly I don't think logistically it can work with friends, they have to get their own children to their own schools and then to work etc and can't be in two places at once! No-one has offered and I don't want to ask as I am pretty sure I know what the answer will be...

OP posts:
Tarantella6 · 24/02/2025 19:22

Do you use any childcare at the moment? Staff at breakfast club / after school club? Do any of her friends have older siblings (my two have both got friends with siblings aged 16+) - maybe not for the overnight element but the running around afterwards while you can't drive?

What was your plan for 3-6 months time, or had you not got that far yet?

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 24/02/2025 19:23

I looked after a friend's children in similar circumstances , happy to do it , I would have felt awful if I'd found out she'd cancelled her plans because she didn't want to ask me , the worst that can happen is they refuse , but give them the option to say no,

Original poster
daisydaisyrose · 24/02/2025 19:23

Neighbours all either elderly or I don't know them very well. Certainly not well enouugh to ask if I can offload dd on them for two, possibly three nights Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
daisydaisyrose · 24/02/2025 19:25

I hadn't figured it out for 3-6 months time either but thought at least I would get a bit of advance warning so I could at least have a go at getting something in place!

She already does breakfast and after school club, and school is a ten min walk away (I am sure if I leave early I'll be able to hobble there!), it's just the overnights that I can't solve.

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 24/02/2025 19:26

I would actually contact social services - it may be they can arrange a weeks foster care locally

Pallisers · 24/02/2025 19:26

Can you ask a friend to take DD for the time you are in hospital. Then could you talk to the school about getting her to and from for the recovery period. I know in any school my kids were in, there would have been a call for help sent out and parents would volunteer to do a few days/week of pick ups or drop offs.

Can you afford to buy any help? Do you have any relatives at all besides your mother?

What was your plan for 6 months time? Can you implement any of that?

TeenToTwenties · 24/02/2025 19:27

Ask parents of a school friend.
If you don't ask, you don't get.
Most will be happy to help if they possibly can ( unless you impose stupid rules on food and screens whilst with them.)

plinkityplink · 24/02/2025 19:27

Crikeyalmighty · 24/02/2025 19:26

I would actually contact social services - it may be they can arrange a weeks foster care locally

I came on to say this.

Danikm151 · 24/02/2025 19:27

The hospital will have a social worker than you can liaise with to potentially provide some emergency foster care for those 3 nights.
if it’s an operation you need delaying it further may make the issue worse.

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 24/02/2025 19:27

Can you afford a teenager (responsible) who can cover the non school hours for a few days ?

Packingcube · 24/02/2025 19:27

Speak to the schools pastoral care I'm sure they've dealt with this before and would have some advice for you it can't be a uncommon thing unfortunately humans break down and need repairs.

TeenToTwenties · 24/02/2025 19:27

Before asking for FC you should ask people you know.

butmumineedit · 24/02/2025 19:27

You can contact social services who will arrange temporary emergency foster care for your daughter whilst you are in hospital. Also speak to the school to see if they can help in any way regarding getting her to and from school.

Please don't cancel the operation , there must be a reason they have brought it forward.

AnotherDelphinium · 24/02/2025 19:29

Have a look and see if Safe Families Link are in your area.

The other option is social services, although I imagine they’ll try and guilt/dissuade you as their budget is very tight.

Finally, is there a class WhatsApp you could ask on? Someone on there may be willing and able to help who you wouldn’t otherwise consider.

Julen7 · 24/02/2025 19:31

butmumineedit · 24/02/2025 19:27

You can contact social services who will arrange temporary emergency foster care for your daughter whilst you are in hospital. Also speak to the school to see if they can help in any way regarding getting her to and from school.

Please don't cancel the operation , there must be a reason they have brought it forward.

I doubt social services will (sorry)

RedHelenB · 24/02/2025 19:32

Emergency foster care?

Autumn1990 · 24/02/2025 19:34

I would ask other parents at school. Someone might be able to do it or they might have a local grandma or older teenager who could
I would look after an extra for a few days for someone and im sure many others would

TippledPink · 24/02/2025 19:34

I would speak to the school first as the first step. They may be able to offer support or advice.