What do to? Operation and no childcare...

[daisydaisyrose]

Not sure if there is any solution to this, I need an operation and currently have just been told I am booked in for it in just over a week (very short notice, must have been a cancellation, I was told to expect three to six months at least!)

It will require two nights minimum in hospital and a six-eight week recovery with no driving for at least six weeks... I have zero childcare for dd7. Lone parent with old and incapable mother who would rather walk barefoot across hot coals than help me, all friends etc have their own children/work etc so can't really help either.

Any suggestions? I am going to have to call and say I can't have it, aren't I?

Yes your friends have busy lives but I'm sure they would help in this situation. I would.

You need an operation. You're not going off on a jolly.

If your DD could go to a friend for the 2 nights you are in hospital then that time will be covered.

Prepare now, as much as you are able to, for the recovery weeks. Batch cook some easy meals, stock your freezer with essentials that you can cook easily. Can you get your DD to school? Inform the school of the situation. They may be able to provide some support.

Ask social services. I had help when I had aCS, a severely disabled older child and absentee husband. A nice lady came round 3 times a day for an hour to help for about. Month.

Also I used to volunteer for Barbados and helped parents with things like this.

I could be alone in this but I’d have your kids overnight if I was your friend and would happily pay our occasional nanny to drive my DC to school if I needed to. Literally can’t fathom not doing this for a friend.

Does your dd not have any friends from school whose houses she's goes to sometimes for sleepovers or play dates? If it's the same school it should be logistically ok? Are you and your daughter quite isolated?

I'd get a loan and find a nanny from Bubble or Childcare - it would be a nice extra earner for someone to do a couple of overnights.

Or - contact every childminder that covers your DD school. Some will do overnight care.

If your DDs class has a WhatsApp group explain your situation on there and ask if anyone could have your DD for a sleepover and to message you privately if they can.

I was in similar position as OP some years ago and asked social services if they would be able to help (children then aged about 6 and 2) and they could offer nothing. Hadn’t wanted to ask friends but when they found out everybody offered help. A friend had my children for a few nights whilst in I was in hospital and then others took it in turns to help with school runs etc. Really friends are the best option. You could probably find an emergency nanny/housekeeper to help out but even short term that will be £££.

honestly you’re friends don’t seem very nice ! I can’t imagine not offering to have your kids in this situation if you were my friend. Surely someone can work something out !

does she have any good friends at schoolmate could stay over with then at least they would be going to the same school in the mornings

Throw money at the problem. Temporary nanny and taxi for school

Speak to social services, they will be able to arrange temporary foster care for the overnights and should be able to help with support for the recovery. The sooner you contact them the sooner you'll be able to introduce DD to the foster carer and get her comfortable with them and their house

This is just not true and will depend on Area and who is available for respite. It’s definitely worth asking.

I would speak to the teacher. I know it's not their job but there may be someone at school who can get involved in this. Or the teacher so know who your DD's friends are from school, which would help with b the logistics of getting her to school. I know it's hard to ask but (unless it's a non essential operation), you are risking your health. Your daughter needs you to be healthy so you do need to swallow the difficulty and do what you need to do.

Tell the school. In a similar situation (but with absolutely no notice) at our school they sorted out getting the child to school that day and also very helpfully knew that a local childminder who did pickups from the school was already registered with the local authority to provide emergency foster care. They helped sort everything out with the local authority on behalf of the family to manage the immediate crisis.

In the longer term when the child was back home but mum was still unwell and needed carers at home herself the school and the local authority put stuff in place to get the child to school, sort school dinners, afterschool club etc.

If you get really stuck childrens social care will help.

This. They have short term carers and this is one of the situations they can help with.

No, we aren't isolated! I just hate asking for help, it really upsets me to be so bloody alone when it comes to shit like this. She's not done sleepovers yet... I could ask on the class WhatsApp chat, but again, it's a big ask. Plus as a lone parent, I find friends are quick to say 'just ask!' And if I do ask as I am desperate, there are all manner of excuses as to why they can't help.

I really can't imagine her going into foster care, even just for a few nights 😢

What have you got to lose asking?

How do you volunteer for Barbados? I'm up for that.

Plus got a dog as well, and of course that's the week that the usual dog walker is away, so haven't got anyone to have dog either 😫

I'd ask the parents of her closest friends rather than on a general class WhatsApp group.

Social services have a service you can most likely avail of.
I forget the name of the programme but it's not fostering out your DD - the help comes to you

Do any friends have a teenage daughter who would come and stay for a couple of nights in return for a bit of cash?

Well they wouldn’t for me in similar position so I can only relate my experience. They are completely overstretched, budget restraints etc. etc.

OP please just ask your friends, even if you dd is a little late for school it's better than nothing. You don't know until you ask.

You either need this operation and the long term benefits outweigh the short-term discomfort of asking friends/social services for help, or you don't. Same for the dog.

I agree with asking schoolfriends, school and social services but there are also childminders who do overnight care and your local authority should hold a list.

I would ask your friends. If necessary, friends or family from further afield could help during the stay, even if your daughter has to miss school for a couple of days.

This isn't one time to be shy in asking. It's one of the things friends are there for.

For the post operative period, surely your daughter can walk to school with a nearby friend until you are back on your feet again? Also at 7, she's old enough to understand that you will have to rest up and also to temporarily help a bit. Her being able to make a sandwich, maybe putting a ready meal in the microwave might be useful in those first few days at home.

Definitely don't reschedule. It won't solve the problem.