What do to? Operation and no childcare...

[daisydaisyrose]

Not sure if there is any solution to this, I need an operation and currently have just been told I am booked in for it in just over a week (very short notice, must have been a cancellation, I was told to expect three to six months at least!)

It will require two nights minimum in hospital and a six-eight week recovery with no driving for at least six weeks... I have zero childcare for dd7. Lone parent with old and incapable mother who would rather walk barefoot across hot coals than help me, all friends etc have their own children/work etc so can't really help either.

Any suggestions? I am going to have to call and say I can't have it, aren't I?

@hyggetyggedotorg that’s just heartbreaking. Poor woman and poor little girl. But it does go to show how difficult and isolating being a single mother can be. Although as above I totally agree OP needs to ask for support, it can be really hard to ask for this sort of support in today’s society for all sorts of reasons. And it would also be great if people would more often stop and spare a thought for what their friends and acquaintances, especially those who are single parents, might need from them. I do think when I was growing up that people would have been more likely to offer practical support in advance when knowing that a single mother they knew without local family needed surgery, rather than waiting to be asked.

This!
I can’t imagine not saying one of my daughter’s good friends can’t stay for a couple of nights if her mum was in such a situation.

@mindutopia that's the other thing I am worried about, the recovery. I will need 6-8 weeks off work, plus no driving until healed (similar to a c-section incision). Got no-one to ferry her about to her various activities etc.

I just feel very helpless and very overwhelmed as I obviously wasn't expecting it to be so soon, and it's a lot to try and organise when you've got no other bugger to help.

Honestly, if you were a neighbour of mine and facing this situation, I would hope you would ask for the help. For a week or two, maybe three, I would definitely try to help out. Even if I don't know you personally. I was helped with childcare during a crisis by NDN I had never met one day, and they are now among our closest friends.

Pay a teenager to feed the dog and walk it.

You will have to ask for help. You have no choice. Toughen up.

Put a message on the class what’s app. I’ve provided childcare in similar circumstances for people I’m not friends with. I work long hours in a high stress job and have my own responsibilities at home. There will be someone prepared to help.

Father is not allowed contact due to domestic violence.

In the past I had my son’s school friend for a week while the parents (who I didn’t know particularly well) went on holiday! I’d be happy to help you out in your situation if I was a fellow school parent, and also would have your dog too.

Don’t feel bad about asking, you can pay it forward in the future.

@Britneyfan thank you for that response. It's calmed me down a bit!

Social work may be able to help. They may have available foster carers who provide this sort of care, and who will have DBS checks etc in place.

I agree that asking on the class Whatsapp group could be good. If you feel really awkward doing that, then you could pitch it as 'Does anyone know any services that could help?' rather than directly asking 'Could any of you help?'. Someone in the group might step up and offer anyway. Or put out an offer to pay for costs involved. Good luck. I feel for you, as I hate asking for help as well.... but I agree with others here that your health needs to come first. xx

If a mum at my DC's primary had been in this position we would all have rallied round I am sure

it might take a bit off organising but for at least some the activities there will likely be another parent who can pick your child up and take them and bring back. You can always repay the favour doing some joint runs when you are better.

I walked a neighbour’s child to school with mine for a year to help them out. It was honestly no bother and was happy to help.

Yes, and maybe once someone on the Whatsapp group steps up then others will too.... then the load could be shared. x

At some point during those 6-8 weeks you are going to have to ask for help. You might as well start now.

Perhaps have a think about why you feel that not being seen to ask for help, is so much more important than your health? I suspect it's something to do with your unhelpful mother? I imagine asking for help always had bad consequences?

If your DD can’t go to activities for a few weeks, it isn’t the end of the world. The important things to sort are cover for the operation and getting her to school.

A taxi service might be able to help, and school may have some ideas

Ask the school mums OP. I would absolute have one of my DDs friends in such circumstances and I'm sure many of the others would to x

Please just ask on the school whatsapp group, there will be other parents who are happy to help. Remember if you don’t ask you don’t get. I know I would be happy to even though I am juggling a full time job, two kids, one with a fracture currently and also a partner who is due surgery next week. It is chaos but I would help my friends if they needed it. And you sound like you do!

Also do look on care.com and childcare.co.uk, you can look for overnight childcare on that which I know lots of parents who work night shifts and are single parents use. Good luck! I hope it all works out for you!

Boarding kennels.

If you cancel, you will just have to find child and pet care services and support in three months. You might as well grasp the nettle and do it now.

absolutely this @daisydaisyrose
Generally people really want to do something to help and the mothers of her friends are a really good starting place. You can repay with wine/ money/ food and lifts when you’re better. hopefully it could even start a support network for you. good luck Op and prioritise your health x

Id put something in the class wattsapp along lines of

Hey

Been offered a last min surgery date and trying to sort cover for x

Anyone know any childminders or retired nanny's etc that could do 2 nights over night cover?

I also wont be able to drive for a rew weeks, so any idea of anyone local tbat could do school runs until im up and about?

Any recommendations extremely appreciated

And just see..

Gives you time for DD to get to know who will help

A 6th former with a car, may even do school runs for petrol money...

You'd be surprised that parents would offer too.. i definitely would...

I would do this for my son’s best friend.

I would put a message out in the class WhatsApp group and ask if there can be a midweek sleepover, maybe one sleepover on one night and another the second night.

I'd ask about the dog, too. Maybe offer cash or reciprocating favours.

Edited to add: I'd happily take my DD's best friend for a couple of nights midweek if it was urgent. You just need to ask!

A problem shared is a problem halved.

Definitely ask your close friends first and if they can't help, ask the mums at school. I don't like asking for help either but a few situations have arisen over the last year where I've had to and friends and school mums have only been too happy to help. Yes everyone is busy but in an emergency people pull together and help out I've found. Put it this way, if I found out a mum at my kids school had used foster care I'd be gutted they hadn't felt able to ask one of us.

You would be (sorry) an idiot to cancel without first swallowing your pride and asking absolutely every suitable person you know if they could possibly have her for all or part of the first couple of days. Every friend with kids or a suitable home, school leadership, family even if normally unreliable.