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Original poster

What do to? Operation and no childcare...

299 replies

daisydaisyrose · 24/02/2025 19:15

Not sure if there is any solution to this, I need an operation and currently have just been told I am booked in for it in just over a week (very short notice, must have been a cancellation, I was told to expect three to six months at least!)

It will require two nights minimum in hospital and a six-eight week recovery with no driving for at least six weeks... I have zero childcare for dd7. Lone parent with old and incapable mother who would rather walk barefoot across hot coals than help me, all friends etc have their own children/work etc so can't really help either.

Any suggestions? I am going to have to call and say I can't have it, aren't I?

OP posts:

MummaMummaMumma · 24/02/2025 20:03

Honestly, ask someone you trust. The worst they can say is no. What other option do you have?
Most people would help, even if you weren't close to them.

TheAmusedQuail · 24/02/2025 20:05

A mum in my DS's class at school separated from her husband. Problem was she worked one night a week (overnight pay was much better than the day rate) and her ex wouldn't step up. She had to find childcare so for a couple of months we had her son, one night a week. It wasn't easy. Understandably, the boy was upset and a bit difficult as a result, but it was the right thing to do. We're not particularly friends with them now, but sometimes, people need a bit of support. There might be someone in your DD's class that would offer the same? It's surgery, not babysitting for a night out.

pizzaHeart · 24/02/2025 20:05

Can you ask at breakfast club? If someone of workers or a TA doesn’t have children they might be up for staying at your house and getting extra money. Make clear that you’ll pay for it rather than that you are asking for a favour.
Coming to yours might be preferable for people and easier for your DD.

Interested in this thread?

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Childcare & nursery

NinaNina83 · 24/02/2025 20:05

Could you ask a teacher from Out of School club? If you need the operation that needs isn't likely to disappear is it.. try to make it work if you not can.. people are happy to help in genuine circumstances x

Truetoself · 24/02/2025 20:06

Ask your friends. I would like my friends to ask me if they needed help. As pp said- most people would make it work.

mynameiscalypso · 24/02/2025 20:07

If one of the parents put this on our group WhatsApp, I'd happily volunteer to have their child, even if I didn't know the parents well.

User7288339 · 24/02/2025 20:07

I don't think it's right to ask social services when you do have people you could ask, but feel uncomfortable about it. They are so stretched.

I can understand why it feels horrible to have to ask and depend on others 😞
Is there anyone that is also a single parent you could ask that might need favours in return in future

Balloonhearts · 24/02/2025 20:08

I second contacting social services. Respite Foster care for a parent to have surgery is actually quite common. I know a lady who fosters and she has had several children for things like that.

SausageMonkey2 · 24/02/2025 20:08

We had a classmate of my kid for a day a week whilst his dad was in the hospital. Every week for 9 months. Paid for the kid to join our kid’s swimming lessons. Fed, watered etc. don’t underestimate the power of an almost stranger.

Truetoself · 24/02/2025 20:08

If you can't ask your friends in these circumstances, then are they really friends?

Freehugs · 24/02/2025 20:08

If it’s not urgent, call and explain the childcare issue and ask for the op to be rescheduled, get a new date.

look on childcare.co.uk to find registered childminders and babysitters, you can create a profile and explain what days you need. I’ve had great success in the past with this website.

Do you have a local mums page on Facebook at all? If so you could post on there and perhaps ad hoc babysitters can be suggested.

For the dog again, look at alternative dog walkers or what about borrow my doggy?

I think children’s services would be reluctant to help unless it was an emergency situation.

arahiganay · 24/02/2025 20:09

Contact a private babysitting service many offer overnights, or you could get a temporary nanny. I wouldn't ask social services.

Anxiousaboutmortgage · 24/02/2025 20:09

Have you actually asked your friends ? I cannot imagine not helping a friend in this situation !

WickWood · 24/02/2025 20:09

Gosh, I imagine this is stressful for you. Definitely try and ask a friend if you can, surely someone you both know is better than foster care x

Julen7 · 24/02/2025 20:10

WickWood · 24/02/2025 20:09

Gosh, I imagine this is stressful for you. Definitely try and ask a friend if you can, surely someone you both know is better than foster care x

Exactly, OP might not want her daughter in respite foster care.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 24/02/2025 20:10

Could you hire somebody ... a nanny?

lochmaree · 24/02/2025 20:11

I'm another one who'd help a friend/DC classmate in this situation. Id ask the parents of her closest friends. If not then are there any local childminders who would be able to help? (Our childminder would do this in a heartbeat for us) If not, then use bubble to find a nanny or babysitter who will do childcare overnight?

Put the dog in kennels 😊

Ionacat · 24/02/2025 20:11

Ask your friends, people are often don’t volunteer as they assume you’ve got it sorted. Ask your DD’s friends’ parents, contact social services and ask about emergency foster care, contact one of the childcare agencies and see if there are any nannies available to come and sleepover for the days you are in hospital. Put out a plea on social media to recommend any other dog walkers, explain the situation and I bet you’ll get volunteers who you can meet beforehand.

Psychologymam · 24/02/2025 20:11

daisydaisyrose · 24/02/2025 19:15

Any suggestions? I am going to have to call and say I can't have it, aren't I?

Call hospital and ask if they have medical social worker that can liaise and assist? Ultimately if you need surgery and don’t have any support/can’t source paid childcare then planned care/respite may be your only solution. People can use it quite effectively although it can sound a little overwhelming. Best of luck.

ErinAoife · 24/02/2025 20:11

Is the father totally out of picture? If not could he not take her for the overnight.

arahiganay · 24/02/2025 20:12

Plenty of websites offer overnight childcare.

YourWildAmberSloth · 24/02/2025 20:13

No real advice OP, but just wanted to say that I know how you feel about asking for help. I was having day surgery and needed to be picked up afterwards. I didn't feel like I could ask friends or a neighbour to do it, even though I would have done it for someonelse - it's crazy and makes no sense. I just hate relying on others, and hate that reminder of being a single mum - it can feel so lonely and vulnerable at times.

Overthebow · 24/02/2025 20:14

Ask your friends, if they are actually your friends they will find a way to help. If a friend asked me to help I would help, I’d have their DC stay at mine and get them to school, even if it meant them being a little late if it were a different school to my DC, or I’d stay at theirs of very far away and work from there. I’d hate the thought of a friend not wanting to ask.

Chuchoter · 24/02/2025 20:17

I would not ask social services as your child could be put in amongst children who have lots of problems.

Hire a mothers help -

www.happy-nest.co.uk/mothers-help/

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 24/02/2025 20:17

A local childminder might be able to do it?

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