What do to? Operation and no childcare...

[daisydaisyrose]

Not sure if there is any solution to this, I need an operation and currently have just been told I am booked in for it in just over a week (very short notice, must have been a cancellation, I was told to expect three to six months at least!)

It will require two nights minimum in hospital and a six-eight week recovery with no driving for at least six weeks... I have zero childcare for dd7. Lone parent with old and incapable mother who would rather walk barefoot across hot coals than help me, all friends etc have their own children/work etc so can't really help either.

Any suggestions? I am going to have to call and say I can't have it, aren't I?

Put your social media about needing to have an op and ask if anyone knows are reputable childminders. Someone might offer!

Can you afford a live in nanny for the 3 days?

A temporary nanny would be a solution if you can afford it.

It might help if you post a rough area that you’re in…I know of several great nannies in my area.

Of course everyone has busy lives but please please ask your friends. I would certainly step in for a friend who needed me and I think my life is utterly chaotic

You need a short term Nanny. (And the dog needs to go into kennels)

You need to bite the bullet and ASK YOUR FRIENDS!!!

If you explain it’s them or Foster care, I am sure someone will come good for you.

Totally agree with this.

Please ask a friend. I've had a friends dd who was 8 for 8 nights to help her mum and I have three children and work full time, she was no trouble and a joy to have. There will be someone who will help.

@daisydaisyrose maybe hire a babysitter to stay with her each night

Whereabouts in the country are you @daisydaisyrose ?

This. I’d help a friend out in a heart beat for this, is there anyone you can ask while at the same time saying please feel
you can say no if you don’t want to?

If you have the means, I would consider asking a local and trusted nanny/ childminder to stay at your home. Get them to visit asap to meet your child, and ask your friends or people your child is close to, to visit whilst you’re away. Lots of video chatting whilst you’re recovering etc or get childminder to bring her to hospital to see you if appropriate.
If you don’t have the means, genuinely, then contact social services. I have a friend who is a foster carer, she recently had 2 young children in her care for a short period whilst mum was in hospital after an operation.

This is an option if no friend can help. But you need to ask them. Two nights isn't that much to ask friends to do in those circumstances.

If you were my friend I would say yes, even if our children were at different schools. I would also say yes to a parent who had a child in the same class. I wouldn't take your dog though, you'd need to find a kennel.

Having people say no is horrible, but you do need to ask.

Who’s your daughter’s best friend at school? I’d ask their parents.

I had a partner who needed radiotherapy and my child wasn’t able to be here until a safe post radio level had been reached. He stayed with his friends mum for a few weeks until we knew it was safe. They were a godsend.

Even if I didn’t know you or your child very well, if our kids were friends it would be no problem - in fact I’d alter my hours for a few days to make it easier.

Id much rather try that than try respite fostering (that’s another option but at least staying with a friend would make your daughter feel more comfortable).

I hope you manage to find somewhere.

I'd help a mother too, loads of us would. (I wouldn't take the dog, but the child, absolutely.) You need to crack on and ask.

I have built up a small tribe of us single mums with no local family support at school. There are currently four of us, and we would have each other's children if need be.

About about hiring a nanny or baby sitter ?

You need to ask your friends and DD’s friends. Honestly, someone will help.

But I think you also need to think beyond your hospital stay as well. I had quite a major operation with 3 days in hospital, plus 4-6 weeks of no driving.

The hospital stay was one thing, but you will need someone at home to help you that first week. Certainly, I couldn’t be left alone overnight, but I also couldn’t lift, couldn’t bathe dc because I couldn’t get wounds wet, I could barely get out of bed, couldn’t get to the pharmacy for more pain relief. I really did need help at home. I would pull in some favours from friends, get ready meals, ask someone to sleep over the first few nights. I’m very grateful I got it done as it was quite urgent, but it was definitely a doozy and I could not have parented on my own as I was in bed most of the time.

Talk to the school about your situation OP, there are child minders who offer emergency over night stays for a few nights or a week. One of the parents at my kids school offers it so it is possible to find. Alternative is yes respite foster care, but I’d really ask the school for help xx

school whatsapp

a couple nights sleepover plus help with way to school.

all the best

You're not comfortable asking for help? You're not alone, lots of people don't. And it can make you feel vulnerable as you worry they will say No. But as a parent, there will inevitably be (hopefully few) times when you'll have to ask for help and depend on someone else. You have to step outside your comfort zone and ASK, because if you don't, people will assume you don't need help, that you've got it covered.

There's no shame in asking for assistance, especially when it's down to a medical problem. That could happen to any one of us, nobody is going to criticise a parent for needing a bit of help. You've had loads of suggestions of people to ask: your DD's school staff, her friends' parents, your friends, SS. Take the bull by the horns and just ask. You need to do this for your and your DD's sake. (I would help a friend out like this but if I didn't realise they needed me to step up, I probably wouldn't think to. And then I'd feel terrible afterwards that I could have helped but didn't.)

This happened to my friend (except it was her mum letting her down at very short notice). She tried to move it and the hospital basically told her to beg absolutely anyone. We ended up with a system where a couple of local mums did the nursery run then had little one for a couple of hours. Then my wife collected him after work and brought him to ours overnight and we repeated again in the morning. We'd moved 40 minutes away but my wife still commutes in. It was a bit of a juggle but better than cancelling. My friend would have said she had no option but when she asked people went out the way to help. Also try sitters childcare for a couple of overnights or if you can afford it a mother's help as others have mentioned. An agency should be able to offer someone at short notice

For the dog go on Rover.com you put in your postcode and they have people in your area who will board your dog.

www.rover.com/uk/?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=15071404004&utm_content=126205146462_565755339572_EAIaIQobChMI5szF7JPdiwMVxJpQBh08-zPoEAAYASAAEgIDfPD_BwE&utm_term=rover.com_e&adwordslocation=1006622&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADPp_a63GjFhoYWsXaOgQGTbcTR0k&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5szF7JPdiwMVxJpQBh08-zPoEAAYASAAEgIDfPD_BwE

You can offer to take your friends’ kids for a weekend once you have recovered if it makes it easier to ask

The dog is a lot easier to solve. Find a kennels or plenty of dog sitters around but you might need to take a chance with someone you don’t know.

If this was one of my friends, assuming I could wfh from their house, I would be offering to stay at their house for the two nights. My OH would be more than capable of looking after our children for a few days.

The alternative is to ask the parents of one of your DDs friends. I would happily have a school friend to stay for a couple of nights in these circumstances. My Mum actually did this for one of my friends in similar circumstances when I was young.