What do to? Operation and no childcare...

[daisydaisyrose]

Not sure if there is any solution to this, I need an operation and currently have just been told I am booked in for it in just over a week (very short notice, must have been a cancellation, I was told to expect three to six months at least!)

It will require two nights minimum in hospital and a six-eight week recovery with no driving for at least six weeks... I have zero childcare for dd7. Lone parent with old and incapable mother who would rather walk barefoot across hot coals than help me, all friends etc have their own children/work etc so can't really help either.

Any suggestions? I am going to have to call and say I can't have it, aren't I?

I don’t know any parents well enough from my daughter’s school (she only started this year), but how well can you really know someone, just because they are the parent of your child’s friend. Not every adult who has kids is a safe adult

I’m a nurse and have had patients that have had their children in emergency foster care during their hospital admission. Foster carers take them into hospital to visit their parent and try and keep their regular routine.

C36M - I hear what you are saying, and I agree, it is a big thing to letyour child go and stay and someone else's house.
Which is why foster care is actually better! (if you can get it from SS)

I would look into the Foster care, it's there for a reason. And your daughter needs you to take care of yourself.

I am so sorry noone would help, I would help someone in a heartbeat if I knew they had this dilemma

Are you in Ireland or the UK? That's dreadful that no one is willing to help you out.

@daisydaisyrose did you ask your actual friends? And no one agreed to help?

Think carefully before you cancel. If your health condition gets worse then you may be in a worse predicament

If funds allow could you get a nanny (dog friendly one) from an agency?.i was a nanny for many years and did temp work at short notice when I was between jobs.one was a boy whose mum had to go away on business for 3 nights.they had rabbits and rats that I looked after.i slept there, but if you could manage daily would be cheaper.

Could you try the Bubble sitter app? They have night nanny's that might be happy to look after your daughter overnight?

Could you ask the hospital if you paid for a private room, that your daughter could stay with your in a sleeping bag? You could even make it special with some new movies on a tablet and fun snacks!

When my friend had a c section she enquired about paying for a private room (they rarely advertise you can do that, so ask) and her husband was allowed to stay w her overnight

My parents did short term fostering and children often came to us for a couple of weeks in situations such as this, so approaching children’s services might be a good way forward. If you need the operation, you should have it - for your longer term health and parenting.

Don't cancel your operation before you have explored every single possibility
Emergency foster care would be the last resort
My DS's went to emergency foster carer due to domestic circumstances at the time
They went to stay with a local couple who were nothing but kind, caring and generous.
It was for a week or so to do essential repairs and I am disabled.
They might be strangers to you but are called emergency/ respite for exactly your situation
You will be able to contact DD and she will be taken to her school etc as normal
Foster care isn't as drastic a solution as you fear
They may be able to organise homestart who will help with anything else you need when recovering

You need to put a plan together urgently to reassure your DD, who will be concerned about you

well, someone must’ve lied then because the criteria is that they have caused three infections which needed antibiotics in a year. there’s no prophylactic extractions! it’s not American not American YouTube 😳

This was nearly me and my siblings back in the 80’s. In the end, four different relatives took one sibling each.

Agreeing with those who suggested emergency foster care. It's not the same at all as a child being taken into care for other reasons.

Foster carers go through a long selection and training process. They have thorough background checks. They have nice family homes. My friends foster and have had a child for a few days in these exact circumstances. They are kind people with their own children and provided a warm, family home for a few days. They took the child to visit Mum every day.

Do you not have the numbers from anyone in her class at school? Does she have a best friend she sees out of school? You can’t just give up when it’s your health!

You really need to ask a friend/school friend. This is about your daughter and as hard as it might be to ask for help you have a duty of care to your child to sort this out. The worst that will happen is they will say no in which case the situation will remain as it is but at least you will know. The best thing is that someone offers to help and the problem is solved. Plus you'll have added someone to your network for future.

Definitely ask on the WhatsApp group. For all you know one of us might be on it. I'd help you in a heartbeat. As someone who also needs surgery at some point and will have very limited help I get how scary and impossible it feels.

The memory of looking after three children one being a newborn with a dislocated knee and no one offering to help is still very fresh in my mind.

I'm sorry more people around you aren't offering help that's rubbish. But people that will help do exist they just don't know about your situation yet.

From what I understand OP has taken the advice and asked people now?
I wouldn’t discount foster care. I’d feel safer with someone checked out extensively and with experience than with a random parent from the class.

What area of the country are you ? Depending on distance I’ll help out, even if it’s just looking after your dog. ( can understand you not wanting to trust a random stranger with your dd)

If you were my friend I would happily take your DC and the dog! Please ask, even people you might not expect will step up when needed. Best of luck, I’ve had 3 operations this last year, it sucks but it’s a necessary evil.

I hope you can sort it out. I think you need to think what is going to change in a few months.

anyway I would happily take anyone’s kids/dogs in the same situation. Please do talk to social services and the school.

OP, can you give an area? As others have said, if you were local to me I would help.

I mentioned the charity Safe Families earlier, I have literally just had a request from them (I am a volunteer for them) for someone in a similar situation as you, we are helping the familiy woudl food for the next 2 weeks as she comes out of hospital on Monday.
Google and see if they operate in your area, they are connnected to the council (operate under licence from them) but help for families with short term needs

I agree - it’s such a shame. When my daughter was at primary there was so much support and help across different groups of mums for this type of thing. Not just emergency sleep overs - but food parcels, picking up from school.
@daisydaisyrose - have you tried calling the head of the school? There may be a group of mums that they’re aware of or PSA (PTA) who could help?
im baffled x