I am a narcissist

[ohyesido]

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

I can’t relate but fair play to you for admitting it.

I say I can’t relate but I think everyone if they were honest with themselves, has an element of narcissism, albeit, not to the degree you are describing. It’s cool that you recognise it though, and I agree, it doesn’t make you the devil.

Good for admitting it. Have you tried CBT to change the way you think?

I think some people do this without even realising or trying though.
They cannot discuss something they don't recognise in themselves.

I've become more conscious of it lately. I can behave in the most childish selfish ways that harm no one except myself and I can justify those forever.

I don't do anything I don't want to do, ever. And I don't see why I should do anything I don't want to do despite others telling me endlessly that I should. I'm expert at making others feel bad for even trying to convince me otherwise.

I can't relate but I knew someone similar. I remember a speech she gave about how life was about stabbing people in the back and everyone was out for themselves. She was also really proud of having an affair with the husband of a friend.

Have you been diagnosed with NPD or are you self diagnosed?

OP do you feel sad about others' suffering eg if you see pictures of war or famine? Or does it not move you at all?

What made you aware of it, op? I have always thought that narcissistical behaviour is recognised by others, and not the person who is the narcissist. Could it be that you're not actually a narcissistic, and just have some negative traits that you have become more aware of lately?

I haven't been diagnosed. I don't see how that would make any difference to my life. I will still continue to justify my behaviour when questioned. I don't see anything wrong in getting the outcome that suits me best.

That is a selfish trait, a lot of people are selfish and it doesn't make them narcissistical, though. Nobody is perfect. We all have negative traits. The fact you are recognising them in yourself says to me you're not half as bad as you think you are.

Yes, I'm not sure that you are truly narcissistic.
( Which is a good thing if you would like it to be.)

If you see nothing wrong with your behaviours, then there is no case to answer.
I hope someone responds who can relate, just for solidarity.
If you’ve no desire to change, carry on as you are, doesn’t make you a bad person.

I realised recently that I don't actually care about anyone else and their problems. I recently had a conversation with my line manager and I listed a number of grievances, mainly that I'm not getting the recognition I deserve. He cited that many of his direct reports have similar concerns but they just get on with it, despite being senior to me:

My response? I don't care about any of those people, I just think I should be paid more and have more validation

Lots of people are selfish and self serving OP, it doesn't mean you have a personality disorder.

Are you also vindictive?

If you have children have you got a golden child and a scape goat?

That's good, it means that no one can use that against me I guess. They could probably try but it doesn't affect me if they do because I'm more articulate than them and leave them feeling uncomfortable

I have one adult DC, he's even worse than me at self serving behaviours.

@Randomer75 no never, I have the self awareness to recognise vindictive behaviours and how they could be used against me. I never leave myself open to being shamed.

If you saw someone in trouble, would you try to help?

@NormasArse yes, so i can enjoy being a hero.

I honest enjoy helping people whenever possible because it gives me a sense of wellbeing. No humility whatsoever

That's ok though.
Most people have mixed motives. It's all a bit muddy sometimes

I'm not sure that sounds like narcissistic behaviour to be honest. At work I focus on what I need to achieve, harnessing team work where necessary to get the job done. If a colleague is pissed off because they don't feel they get enough recognition, that's their issue, not mine

I also don't do stuff I don't want to do unless it's part of the organisational imperative and one of my objectives. Going to the pictures on a wet Thursday because others want to, no, let them get on with it.

One thing I don't do, however, is to manipulate to get my own way. I just tend to do what I want within reason and providing it doesn't harm or upset people.

Do you have lots of falling outs?

I never leave myself open to being shamed.

Is that because you were as a child? That's where the root of it will lie and shame will likely be at the heart of it.
Having said that, I doubt you have NPD but you may well have narcissistic traits. As pp said, we all do to an extent, you my have more than your fair share.

You say you lack empathy but at times do you notice you feel it towards someone/certain situations?

I had a SIL who would fit the criteria for a narcissist (or sociopath) although she wasn’t as honest as you (as she was narcissistic and never to blame).

I remember once sharing a horrific news stories and she looked absolutely blank, it took a good 5 seconds for her to show any kind of emotion and then it was really over the top and performative.

I always wished she could have sought some help as she was such a bright woman. I think she had a very narcissistic Mother and the cycle just continued. It was the only way she knew how to be and because her manipulation got her own way, she probably saw little benefit in changing.