I am a narcissist

[ohyesido]

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

@WickWood yah but I keep those under wraps as I don't want any justified criticism

Why do you expect other people to care about you when you don’t care about them?

@HolyPeaches good question. Probably that main character syndrome I keep hearing about

Agree my mother is one. everything is about her. she shows no empathy whatsoever no compassion carring to her children at all. if you had some illness or worry she has to do better than you and twist it to her. any occasion gets twisted so she is the center attention usually she is ill. she is very bitter and has huge resentment against everything. to me that is a narc

We all think we're special, the truly self serving (the majority of us!) are manipulative enough to not say it aloud. You're failing miserably at this narcissism! 😂😉

Narcissism comes from very low self esteem - a high ego that needs feeding - but low self esteem and some childhood trauma. Everything you say fits in with it IME OP. People think it's really extreme and they'd spot a narcissist a mile off but they're insidious IMO and people don't realise how subtle they can be - because they want to be admired and they often are. They want to be popular, they want to be the amazing spouse or father in public, they want to be the hero and they know what they need to do to be those things.

When you think between 0,5 and 5% of people are thought to have NPD it is not rare and numbers are not low.

For a narcissist people are pawns to be used for their own well being. Nothing more. No empathy for them and no remorse for anything they do that might hurt others. They will throw people under the bus and cut people out of their life without a second thought. They are highly manipulative and lying comes more naturally than telling the truth.

I disagree that no one can ever recognise themselves as a narcissist. They may lack any real self awareness for years and years and years but I would disagree that a narcissist could never work out eventually if they were intelligent enough and with the internet at their finger tips that they were a narcissist. It might take quite a big event to make them realise it's a possibility, but they could probably even feel special at being a narcissist. Thinking it makes them clever and different from other people. Their whole life is about being better than others and deserving more than they have.

Diagnosis is a terrible idea. It's likely to affect insurances and there is a huge stigma attached. You are going to find yourself being treated very differently by anyone who knows about it and that could include medical staff.

If you have NPD then you will lack depth and have a poor sense of self, ie you will think you're a lot of amazing things that you really aren't. You will be quite delusional - but a covert narc will keep their delusions to themself while a grandiose narc will shout them from the rooftops. Emotionally you'll be shut down with no real concept of love. Love will be highly conditional.

Malignant narcs are the really dangerous ones and you clearly aren't one of them. I'm not going to give you any advice though because it's doubtful that you'd take tbh!

A lot of PPs are giving you exactly what you want.

A narcissist is an all consuming black hole, devoid and incapable of feeling love, care and compassion. They suck the innocence, joy and goodness out of those they are in romantic or platonic relationships with.

If you feel that is special or interesting then I am glad for you, because it is a miserable existence I would only wish on my worst enemy.

Trying to explain love and the human experience to a true narcissist is like trying to explain sight to someone who has always been blind.

I don't wish you the best, but I do wish that your impact on those around you is limited.

Ah, I think EUPD is more likely than NPD in that case. Hope you get what you require from this thread, please, please don't worry though, you're completely normal!

I’m curious. Is there anything you do care about - so anything that causes you to compromise on or adapt your self interest? Do you care what others think of you, if you don’t care how they feel?

Why do you care? And why do you think you're special? Genuine question btw not just a dig.

I mean I've come across a fair few manipulative people in my time but it's not my job to try and change or confront them. Doesn't mean I haven't noticed their strange, or self centred behaviour.

Do you care about your husband?

I don’t think most people would genuinely care about random co-workers though would they? If there was one pay-rise on offer most people would want it for themselves.

I don’t think anything you’re describing is narcissism. Or even that out of the ordinary

See I came here for objective advice and people saying mean things designed to hurt me is just water off a duck's back.

I do think I'm special and deserve extra attention and recognition just because I want it. No other justification. I don't like being told what to do and I sneer at anyone who remonstrates with me and tries telling me I'm not as special as I think I am.

Yet I don't go to town and ruin the self esteem of others because I'm self aware enough to realise that that is not nice and it will affect my perception of myself as perfect.

I enjoy it when others try to put me down because I don't sink to that level (because I'm pretty perfect, see)

You don't come over as special in any way whatsoever. Nothing you have said makes you sound in the least bit interesting.

As above. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are so narcissistic that they would never believe/accept the diagnosis. They can't possibly have any issues because they're so damn perfect and everyone else around them is wrong!

@VexedofVirginiaWater yes I do, because I like having him around

I think that's a fair response in that situation to be honest. Your manager was trying to beat you back down by telling you that you should be more like your colleagues and accept whatever they accept because that's the status quo.

It's not narcissistic of you to call that out and still ask for what you feel you deserve.

I think it would be interesting if you did seek a diagnosis. You sound like you might just be overly confident/ self assured/ bit big headed, but not necessarily someone with NPD. Someone with NPD would be unlikely to come onto a forum to reflect on their own behaviours.

This is all spot on. I've only ever known one and it was the worst experience of my life and took a long time to get over.

Imagine thinking you are a narcissist and being proud of it though? Actually getting gratification from knowing you don't give a fuck about other people and your soul is a black empty pit that can never be filled.

That's more psychopathic to me. Apparently lots of narcs are also sociopaths and psychos. I know my experience with one would make me agree with that.

I feel sorry for you OP. What an awful way to live - to never experience genuine emotion or the joy that comes from loving and caring about others and being loved in return.

Being a narc is like a fruit machine. They keep pulling the handle on your emotions until they find something that works.

You have to realise that they are people who are literally practising or pretending all the time to be someone who is empathic. Ultimately they can be pretty dangerous when crossed; and obsessive.

You've ignored objective advice. You can be a not very nice person and NOT have a mental health disorder. You would benefit from CBT for your over thinking.

If you are actually narcissistic/ have NPD, then I hate to break it to you, but you are far from 'perfect'!

@Dollydaydream100 I can promise you I'm. It suffering. But why would you feel the need to submit such a sly remark in the hope it'll affect me? Ask yourself who is in more pain if your instinct is to try and put someone else down by insinuating that they never feel love?

That doesn’t sound like he has NPD.

It just sounds like he’s just a dick.

Obviously he would have learnt traits from you and did dad probably over compensated in other ways to mitigate your impact but often that can make them worse.

It’s a shame this wasn’t picked up on when he was still little so he could have had a chance to be a decent person.
There’s still a chance now but it’s very difficult when it’s so ingrained in you.

You reap what you sow.

Narcs cannot love. It's their tragedy