I am a narcissist

[ohyesido]

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

That sounds like a nice existence, to not feel down or worry about things would be wonderful.
I don’t think it matters that you don’t have any internal scruples, you know what’s right and wrong hence follow the rules of the society. That’s more than a lot of people do

This thread is fascinating. It's so rare to hear women, especially mothers, honestly express not really caring.

Sadly, you have to live it to believe it.
They think they are fooling children and spouses. They are not.

If you are referring to me I am not fooling my children I do love them.

I’m not fooling my husband! He knows me better than anyone and loves me for it, and I love him even more for that. My children see the real, genuine me: that person loves her children, teaches empathy and self reflection and works hard on growth mindset. That is more than a lot of parents! They also understand that women can be ambitious and confident and honest and that you don’t have to put up with what the world gives you; you create your own life (again, I understand the privilege I hold here).

Also, I do worry. I worry about making mistakes in my parenting (was I right to make him do that revision after a long day at school? Was I right to say no gaming tonight even though all his mates are? How do I teach my younger child the empathy I’ve been taught; I’ve never met a cuddlier nor more emotionally prickly soul 🤣). I worry about lots of things, it’s just that they’re mainly about how I am affected (or my loved ones); I don’t honestly care about the other things lots of people do (not giving an example as it’ll be jumped on doubt 😂).

Also, I’m baffled by your first sentence; the person and tense is all confused. Now that is something that would keep me up at night

Yes. But I still say all these responses, which are very self absorbed are also very disengenous.

The real truth about narcissists is ironically found not in the person themselves who is an empty vessel; but the people around them. Unless you have their view, this is all flight of fancy.

I’ve not once said I’m a narcissist btw

I think there are few women who don't believe they love (at least most) of their children (most of the time), rather than thinking they are fooling them, why is why the earlier post about caring for, but not about, the kids was so striking. A couple of thoughts from Nancy McWilliams psychoanalytic perspective on psychopathy, gender and age : "more recent research confirms that many psychopathic people—those who have escaped self-destruction and incarceration—“burn out” in middle age, often becoming surprisingly upright citizens. They may become more amenable to psychotherapy then and may benefit from it more than younger people with psychopathic psychologies. This change may reflect hormonal decreases that reduce internal pressures toward action, but it also may reflect the loss of physical power that occurs at midlife. As long as omnipotent defenses are unthwarted by limits, a person’s motivation to develop more mature adaptations is minimal. Older adolescents and young adults of all personality types, especially healthy young men, typically have omnipotent feelings: death is far away, and the prerogatives of adulthood are at hand. Infantile grandiosity is reinforced. (I suspect that one reason psychopathy is more common in men is that females confront realistic limitation earlier: We are less physically strong; we live with the nuisance of menstruation and the danger of pregnancy; we are at greater risk of rape and physical abuse, and as primary caregivers, we are humbled by the discrepancy between our images of ideal maternal effectiveness and the emotional challenges of trying to rear civilized children.) But reality has a way of catching up with us, whatever our early advantages. By middle age, death is no longer an abstraction, physical strength has declined, reaction time is down, health cannot be taken for granted, and the long-term costs of hard living have begun to appear. These facts of life can have a maturing effect, interesting a person in less omnipotent adaptations."

More of a trauma response or a result of poor attachments than theatrics. It's tragic that people have been so damaged that they become that way. Not saying it excuses abuse or bad behaviour from them. Explains but doesn't justify.