Page 5 | I am a narcissist

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 23/02/2025 17:38

People probe to sneering, which is contempt, are psychologically fragile, apparently. (BPS)

Sugepaper · 23/02/2025 17:38

I do think I'm special and deserve extra attention and recognition just because I want it. No other justification. I don't like being told what to do and I sneer at anyone who remonstrates with me and tries telling me I'm not as special as I think I am.

that’s not NPD though….

Mirabai · 23/02/2025 17:38

CharlotteLightandDark · 23/02/2025 17:09

This.

contrary to popular opinion on here, a diagnosis of NPD is v rare because to have an actual PD rather than traits the individuals narcissism needs to be Problematic (to them), Persistent (developmental throughout life) and Pervasive (affecting different areas in life rather than just relationships etc).
Their life has to be significantly negatively affected by their narcissism to level it up to a disorder.

the vast majority of so called ‘narcissistic’ exes/parents/bosses etc wouldn’t meet diagnostic criteria and neither would the OP here. I do know someone who isn’t diagnosed but I believe could be, his life has been ruined by his narcissism, he can’t keep a job or a girlfriend or friends and is miserable.

fwiw I can relate to some of this, I can be pretty entitled, don’t think all rules necessarily apply to me and can be self serving. Not in a way that would cause harm to others though and I certainly don’t have a PD.

Edited

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This. There is a fundamental misunderstanding of what a personality disorder is in general and what NPD is in particular.

Being a “narcissist” does not mean you have NPD, merely that you have narcissistic traits, which most people do.

Ifeelabnormal · 23/02/2025 17:39

All I can say is that my narc ex once read an article about narcissism and realised it applied to him. He felt really bad about it for a little while and said surely narcissists deserve love too? I felt quite sad for him. Unfortunately this moment of clarity didn't last long as he fell strongly into narcissistic patterns after that.

I did feel bad for him in a way as he'd had a very tough childhood with a parent who was an aggressive bully and the other who emotionally enmeshed with and manipulated him.

Original poster

ohyesido · 23/02/2025 17:39

My DS is just peachy and will be fine

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Apennyforapound · 23/02/2025 17:40

Lyn397 · 23/02/2025 17:24

Narcissism comes from very low self esteem - a high ego that needs feeding - but low self esteem and some childhood trauma. Everything you say fits in with it IME OP. People think it's really extreme and they'd spot a narcissist a mile off but they're insidious IMO and people don't realise how subtle they can be - because they want to be admired and they often are. They want to be popular, they want to be the amazing spouse or father in public, they want to be the hero and they know what they need to do to be those things.

When you think between 0,5 and 5% of people are thought to have NPD it is not rare and numbers are not low.

For a narcissist people are pawns to be used for their own well being. Nothing more. No empathy for them and no remorse for anything they do that might hurt others. They will throw people under the bus and cut people out of their life without a second thought. They are highly manipulative and lying comes more naturally than telling the truth.

I disagree that no one can ever recognise themselves as a narcissist. They may lack any real self awareness for years and years and years but I would disagree that a narcissist could never work out eventually if they were intelligent enough and with the internet at their finger tips that they were a narcissist. It might take quite a big event to make them realise it's a possibility, but they could probably even feel special at being a narcissist. Thinking it makes them clever and different from other people. Their whole life is about being better than others and deserving more than they have.

Diagnosis is a terrible idea. It's likely to affect insurances and there is a huge stigma attached. You are going to find yourself being treated very differently by anyone who knows about it and that could include medical staff.

If you have NPD then you will lack depth and have a poor sense of self, ie you will think you're a lot of amazing things that you really aren't. You will be quite delusional - but a covert narc will keep their delusions to themself while a grandiose narc will shout them from the rooftops. Emotionally you'll be shut down with no real concept of love. Love will be highly conditional.

Malignant narcs are the really dangerous ones and you clearly aren't one of them. I'm not going to give you any advice though because it's doubtful that you'd take tbh!

Oh goodness, you've just described my sibling word for word, who we have always thought has NPD. We recently went NC; it was certainly the right decision!

Original poster

ohyesido · 23/02/2025 17:40

It piques my interest that a few PPs are keen to insult me.

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bombastix · 23/02/2025 17:41

Ifeelabnormal · 23/02/2025 17:39

All I can say is that my narc ex once read an article about narcissism and realised it applied to him. He felt really bad about it for a little while and said surely narcissists deserve love too? I felt quite sad for him. Unfortunately this moment of clarity didn't last long as he fell strongly into narcissistic patterns after that.

I did feel bad for him in a way as he'd had a very tough childhood with a parent who was an aggressive bully and the other who emotionally enmeshed with and manipulated him.

They usually had shitty or traumatic parenting. NPD is a defence mechanism

WickWood · 23/02/2025 17:42

I'm glad that us nobodies are able to pique your interest 😂

thinktwice36 · 23/02/2025 17:42

I do think I'm special and deserve extra attention and recognition just because I want it.

what happens when you encounter people who don’t think you’re all that?

Poppymeldrum · 23/02/2025 17:43

Ladyluckinred · 23/02/2025 16:46

You say you lack empathy but at times do you notice you feel it towards someone/certain situations?

I had a SIL who would fit the criteria for a narcissist (or sociopath) although she wasn’t as honest as you (as she was narcissistic and never to blame).

I remember once sharing a horrific news stories and she looked absolutely blank, it took a good 5 seconds for her to show any kind of emotion and then it was really over the top and performative.

I always wished she could have sought some help as she was such a bright woman. I think she had a very narcissistic Mother and the cycle just continued. It was the only way she knew how to be and because her manipulation got her own way, she probably saw little benefit in changing.

Edited

This is my mother

I'm the scapegoat and am nc with her now,but I clearly remember being about 8/9 and was sat on our sofa,my mother's friend was sat in the armchair,sobbing her eyes out as she'd just had a house fire

She was very lucky to get out alive and lost everything apart from the pyjamas and slippers she was wearing

She wasn't insured as she couldn't afford it-she had very little money and had taken a chance (she struggled to afford food,insurance was a luxury)

My mother just stared at her blankly,nothing on her face at all-no sympathy,no empathy,no understanding at all-just a blank face

As this woman looked up,my mother's face snapped into one of concern and sympathy but it was fake-I could see it clear as day

She was the leader in getting this poor woman back on her feet,but believe me,if nobody had been watching,she would have done fuck all-it was nothing to do with helping,it was all about the praise and glory she got

I heard her talking to my father (who is shit scared of her and goes along with her for a quiet life) saying that this lady was a fool for not having insurance and how she'd burnt her house down for 'fun' and to 'get another council house'

This lady thought my mother was her best friend and almost 40 years on,still feels she's in debt to her

This is one of many,many examples of my mother's mask-id people just dug a bit deeper,they'd hate her

Wonderi · 23/02/2025 17:43

ohyesido · 23/02/2025 17:39

My DS is just peachy and will be fine

My son is a 25 year old good looking lad who has zero respect for anyone except himself and a very firm sense of self worth rooted in his firm belief that his mother will always be there for him no matter what. Im proud of him for not giving a fuck but also concerned about his zero consideration for others.

This is what you said about your son - that’s literally the opposite of peachy.

How can you say he has zero respect for anyone except himself and then say he’s peachy and will be fine.

He’s not peachy and he’s not fine.
He’s a dick and sounds like an embarrassment.

It’s sad because he was raised like this and so it’s not totally his fault but it doesn’t make him any less of a dick.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 23/02/2025 17:44

Do you enjoy labelling yourself, OP? Thinking that people are interested in what you self-aggrandise yourself as? It's not special or rare, it's very commonplace, people navel-gazing and describing themselves in terms that make them feel good.

I hope you get whatever help is available if that's what you're looking for.

Straightjacketsandroses · 23/02/2025 17:44

I wouldn’t say I’m a narcissist but I score very highly for psychopathy. The only catch in my score is I’ve no history of antisocial behaviour and my risk taking doesn’t match the levels of those diagnosed with the disorder. I think though that the sample for these disorders is largely based on prison populations so people like me aren’t really factored into any research. I almost entirely lack empathy; I just don’t care. The list of people I have any time for is very small, although I do consider myself a good friend. I could be vindictive, but I’m too bothered about how I look to others so I’m very controlled. To be honest, I’m a big fan of order so I’m a model citizen because I think it keeps life neat and tidy being that way; I’m not nice because I’m nice if that makes any sense.

And I never ever ever tell anyone what I’m really like (although my husband knows).

Sugepaper · 23/02/2025 17:44

From your posts I’ve got that

you like to get your own way if you can
you realised you didn’t care if your co-workers didn’t get a payrise you still wanted one
you don’t like being told what to do
You feel like you’re the main character in your life

I can’t imagine there are many people in this world that wouldn’t agree with all of the above are there?

Original poster

ohyesido · 23/02/2025 17:45

@Wonderi sorry do you know him personally?

He will be fine because he has high self esteem, doesn't worry about what others have to say about him and doesn't think twice about cutting off those who he thinks will hold him back

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Matronic6 · 23/02/2025 17:45

I think your self diagnosis is accurate.

Have there been any drawbacks to it? Or have you experienced any problems due to it?

Ifeelabnormal · 23/02/2025 17:46

bombastix · 23/02/2025 17:41

They usually had shitty or traumatic parenting. NPD is a defence mechanism

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Indeed, this was very much the case. He ticked all the boxes. He had no empathy for others, used to tell outrageous lies about whatever and whomever to support whatever narrative suited him in the moment, and was desperate for admiration all the time. However, deep down, his self esteem was terribly fragile. I had glimpses of how insecure he really was while we were together, but overall he was an awful man to live with, very cruel - he knew exactly what to say to hurt people.

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 23/02/2025 17:47

WickWood · 23/02/2025 17:16

I'd definitely try and get your son some support though, he sounds like an arse!

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Original poster

ohyesido · 23/02/2025 17:47

@Matronic6 interesting question.

Drawbacks can be the tedium in others abandonment because I don't care to compromise or accept their criticisms, founded or otherwise. But only because that inconveniences me if I need a companion for whatever reason.

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Hoppinggreen · 23/02/2025 17:47

ohyesido · 23/02/2025 16:04

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

Very much so
I come from a family of clinically diagnosed Narcs so I know what to look for and I am probably a narc myself BUT I generally behave because it suits me to do so. Life is easier that way but I do have to think "what would a normal person do" to react properly on some occasions
I also score very highly on the Psycopath tests but partly because I am a woman, a man would not score so highly with the same answers apparently. I do love animals though which knocks a few points off.
I think as long as you are aware then its not a problem if you know how to "behave" and most people would have no idea about me. Interestingly I can see some traits in DS so I encourage the other parts of him.
Being a Narc and/or Psychopath or Sociopath doesn't mean you are a bad person or will hurt anyone, its just that you have to work hard to bring out some things and hide others.
I am a fully functioning member of society who is generally considered to be a decent person, I have relationships, love and am loved but I have to be careful not to let the other "Hopping" out.

LinesAndLinesAndLinesAndLines · 23/02/2025 17:48

You're coming off as more up yourself than narcissistic to be honest OP. And that's alright. Takes all sorts to make a world. I probably wouldn't want to be around you in day to day life but then you probably wouldn't want to be around me either. As long as you aren't actively seeking to hurt those around you then being up your own backside isn't a crime.

bombastix · 23/02/2025 17:49

@Ifeelabnormal - yes they are simultaneously cruel and very lonely people. They should not have children, because they cannot love them. They can only reproduce the dysfunction. If the child is lucky they have a more functional parent and can get away.

Narcs die lonely. The OP is a lonely narc imo.

Wonderi · 23/02/2025 17:49

ohyesido · 23/02/2025 17:45

@Wonderi sorry do you know him personally?

He will be fine because he has high self esteem, doesn't worry about what others have to say about him and doesn't think twice about cutting off those who he thinks will hold him back

You’ve described him as being a dick and so it’s safe to say that all of the posters reading it would imply that he’s a dick.

Perhaps as part of your disorder you find it difficult to see how awful he sounds and how much it reflects on him and you as a parent.

Having zero respect for anyone is not a trait anyone would wish to have and they wouldn’t wish it on their worst enemy.

I would feel sorry for you having a son like that but it seems that you have encouraged this behaviour and don’t see anything wrong with it, so I guess you reap what you sow.

Original poster

ohyesido · 23/02/2025 17:51

See I don't go out of my way to hurt people and I look down upon those that do. I keep my judgemental thoughts to myself, I behave properly in public and I'm always very professional at work.

All learned behaviours. I will look after my loved ones and do the right thing in any given situation, if that involves rescuing a cat or helping someone in danger. But only because it would affect me if I was seen not to do so

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