I am a narcissist

[ohyesido]

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

I like this, it's making me feel like maybe I'm not a real villain

@redboxer321 I guess I was shamed as a child, because I was very defiant and argued with authority figures when they said I had to do things in a certain way. Why? I didn't want to make a ridiculous item in technology or go swimming with a group of underdeveloped peers who didn't understand why I had pubic hair and made a joke of it at my expense

Would you be happy to basically be left to your own devices to do whatever you want, or do you need people around you to validate you, and to take the rap when you mess up (scapegoat) regardless of any negative impact this might have on them?

So that comment shows you as intelligent and sensitive.

I definitely have narcissistic traits - especially around manipulating others. I genuinely think it's linked to ASD though. I would say 50% of my manipulation is altruistic though (if that's possible).

I'm also horrifically judgemental but have come to realise it's my ASD making me think truly awful things about others - eg looking at really unattractive or otherwise disadvantaged people who've had equally unattractive or disadvantaged kids and thinking "why on earth did you procreate? Those poor kids don't really stand a chance". It's not nice and I try my utmost not to say these things out loud but I absolutely think them.

I am terribly judgmental I just learners to keep that to myself as it might result in people having justification for being upset with me.

Do narcissists turn serious events into jokes? If so, than that could be a relative of mine. This person also changes the narrative to victimise themself, and cannot take any accountability for anything, not even big wrongdoings. They will however pull others apart for the most petty things, that most wouldn't even notice. They're effortlessly manipulative too.

You are describing very natural feelings and reactions.

@ohyesido I can't tell you why. Being shamed as a child though would have had a very negative effect on your development.
Did you experience narcissistic abuse yourself and are just repeating the cycle?
Has something happened in your recent past that has led you to 'collapse'?
That might indicate a narcissistic person finally running out of supply.
You seem to want to understand yourself better so that it leads to making a change in yourself.
If so, I'd suggest you see a therapist but it will likely be a long and hard road.
I don't think you sound anywhere near as bad as you sound like you think you are. Sounds like you might not have real self esteem and that can lead to a person developing narcissistic traits to try the counter the feeling of being not good enough. Just my take on it, far from an expert.

A self declared full blown narc. Ironic.
if go by my level of understanding + definition of the term. So,for clarity-please share what markers are.

The whole of MN is judgemental, 😂 I think a lot of people are.

Your 16.55 post I mean.

I think what you have said to your line manager is fair enough. And you only have his/her word for it that your colleagues 'just get on with it without complaining. '

I don't think this proves you're a narcissist.

I'm so sorry you went through that. They're perfectly normal reactions, and a child being shamed for those is never ever acceptable.

😂🤣, I personally love your honesty above 👆 (ugly people), even if you don’t speak the words out loud to others.

Ha, never thought my ex would join MN, but hi I guess 👋

Perhaps I'm not. I just feel like I am expert at playing the victim, nothing is ever my fault and I'm only interested in myself and my own ends. I literally don't care about other people and their problems, feelings, although I might make a false display of empathy and articulate advice because it makes me feel like a hero.

You may behave in a way that is narcissistic but you are not a narcissist. As in, someone with NPD.

Most of us have narcissistic tendencies in some situations. What you described with your colleagues also not feeling they get enough recognition and you not caring…I also wouldn’t give a flying f**k. That’s for them to advocate for themselves for the recognition. That isn’t narcissism.

One of the absolute essential traits of someone with NPD is that they would never, ever, even to themselves recognise that they are narcissistic. They would never recognise their behaviour as manipulative, even to themselves. It’s an incredibly hard disorder to treated because those with NPD cannot and will not see their behaviour as negative or ever describe it in a negative way (eg. manipulative, self serving)

I’m afraid you’re just a regular old arseh0le.

Being diagnosed would not only cement it for you, but would come with advice and perhaps even guidance from the professionals on how to learn to behave (if you want to, of course). Empathy can be learnt. Once you've mastered that, the rest should hopefully fall into place on the back of empathy.

How does diagnosis work? Do I just rock up and tell them I suck?

However, until/unless you're officially diagnosed then you cannot just 'diagnose' yourself; Much like how we can’t go round diagnosing others.

This.

contrary to popular opinion on here, a diagnosis of NPD is v rare because to have an actual PD rather than traits the individuals narcissism needs to be Problematic (to them), Persistent (developmental throughout life) and Pervasive (affecting different areas in life rather than just relationships etc).
Their life has to be significantly negatively affected by their narcissism to level it up to a disorder.

the vast majority of so called ‘narcissistic’ exes/parents/bosses etc wouldn’t meet diagnostic criteria and neither would the OP here. I do know someone who isn’t diagnosed but I believe could be, his life has been ruined by his narcissism, he can’t keep a job or a girlfriend or friends and is miserable.

fwiw I can relate to some of this, I can be pretty entitled, don’t think all rules necessarily apply to me and can be self serving. Not in a way that would cause harm to others though and I certainly don’t have a PD.

If you messed up at work or made a big mistake or had a car accident that was your fault would you take the consequences or would you think it was ok to try and manipulate it so someone innocent was blamed

This.

Narcissists don’t know that they’re narcissistic.

Bless you, sounds like you were maybe bullied at school and this is your coping mechanism?

I've worked with individuals with NPD and I haven't yet met a single one who would agree or accept their diagnosis.

Being a narcissist doesn’t always have to mean being a horrible person.

Most successful business people are narcissistic.

You say your son is similar.
Is that because he has followed in your footsteps.

What was your parents like?

Are you married?
Is your wife affected by it?