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Original poster

WWYD - son due to go on holiday tomorrow (inc. 2 days off school) but has been given saturday detention

329 replies

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:27

So we were due to take a long weekend holiday with our DC this weekend in part to celebrate a joint big birthday (DS 16 and my 50th) but also as a treat for DS working hard revising for his mock gcse which have just finished (lots of students still doing exams which is why we felt he wouldn't be missing too much). There was one optional subject he's really struggled with but school wouldn't let him drop. I was disappointed they wouldn't just let him drop it but OK with him drawing a line on that subject as he has 9 others and it was an option and accepting he'd fail one but use the time to focus on the other subjects.

However, I've just had an email from school saying he has been given a saturday detention & will face 'further consequences to be determined' for defacing one of his papers with disrespectful & obscene language (I've seen it and it's awful). There will clearly be consequences at home but of course in the immediate he's due to go on holiday which is hardly a punishment! It feels so wrong to still treat him with a holiday not to mention we had planned on telling school we were taking him away so they will no doubt be furious too given this incident.

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Earwiggoearwiggoearwiggo · 05/02/2025 12:37

By taking him, you're hugely undermining the school and sending a strong message to him his action have no consequences.

He must have known his teacher would see the obscene message. A teacher who has presumably worked hard to teach him, mark homework etc even if he hasn't enjoyed or thrived in the subject.

Does your son expect to get verbally abused himself in the workplace as an adult?

Soontobe60 · 05/02/2025 12:40

So you’ve not obtained permission to take him on holiday a week before half term, in the middle of his mock exams, and he’s also got a detention. How are you planning on notifying school?

Original poster
lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:44

Soontobe60 · 05/02/2025 12:40

So you’ve not obtained permission to take him on holiday a week before half term, in the middle of his mock exams, and he’s also got a detention. How are you planning on notifying school?

We notified them yesterday by email that we would be collecting him tomorrow lunchtime and he would be away until Tuesday (Monday is an inset day). Not heard back yet but no, it wasn't authorised as we knew it wouldn't be granted and didn't want to lie and say he was sick.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families General education
littleblackcat247 · 05/02/2025 12:44

Sounds awkward - no clue

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 05/02/2025 12:44

Soontobe60 · 05/02/2025 12:40

So you’ve not obtained permission to take him on holiday a week before half term, in the middle of his mock exams, and he’s also got a detention. How are you planning on notifying school?

A note on an exam paper?

Talipesmum · 05/02/2025 12:45

I would get back in touch with school, highly apologetic and showing you are taking it seriously, but let them know that you have a family engagement away this weekend and will not be able to have him at Saturday detention this weekend, but that you fully support it next weekend (or whenever the next one is) plus whatever else you can do to support the school in managing and showing consequences for his behaviour.

No need to go into detail with them about what the event is for.

But were you also planning on taking him out of school time, or was it time when mock exams were finished and he was still on study leave or something?

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 05/02/2025 12:45

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:44

We notified them yesterday by email that we would be collecting him tomorrow lunchtime and he would be away until Tuesday (Monday is an inset day). Not heard back yet but no, it wasn't authorised as we knew it wouldn't be granted and didn't want to lie and say he was sick.

Show quote history

The apple doesn't fall from the tree, clearly.

Talipesmum · 05/02/2025 12:46

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:44

We notified them yesterday by email that we would be collecting him tomorrow lunchtime and he would be away until Tuesday (Monday is an inset day). Not heard back yet but no, it wasn't authorised as we knew it wouldn't be granted and didn't want to lie and say he was sick.

Show quote history

Was he going to be missing mocks?

Original poster
lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:46

Shit. What a mess. Literally the first time in 16 years of education any child has been taken out for a holiday despite vast numbers of people we know taking annual ski trips, missing end of term or days away. and now this 😞I realise we've fucked up but now need to decide what to do.

OP posts:
CatsMagic · 05/02/2025 12:47

Life is a series of lessons and delaying the consequence here really won’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Go on the holiday, act as you usually would and have a good time.

Deal with this when you get back.

Pinkelephant66 · 05/02/2025 12:48

I would take him but maybe not make it about him? Just make it about your 50th. You can’t not go (presume you’ll lose money) and you can’t leave him alone. Surely they can’t make him attend a detention on a Saturday if you have plans. You’ve got the rest of the week to do ‘punishment’ at home. Have a nice time

budgiegirl · 05/02/2025 12:48

Is it far to the weekend away? Could you bring him home for the day to do his detention (I'd then charge him/ dock his pocket money to cover your time and expenses). Trickier if it's too far to do this. If it was a normal detention for not handing in homework/messing around etc, then I'd let him skip it, but this detention is for quite a serious offence, in my opinion.

Could you call the school and see if they would be willing to let him do the detention at another time? But if they say no, then I'd make sure he attended.

iamthedanger · 05/02/2025 12:49

Talipesmum · 05/02/2025 12:45

I would get back in touch with school, highly apologetic and showing you are taking it seriously, but let them know that you have a family engagement away this weekend and will not be able to have him at Saturday detention this weekend, but that you fully support it next weekend (or whenever the next one is) plus whatever else you can do to support the school in managing and showing consequences for his behaviour.

No need to go into detail with them about what the event is for.

But were you also planning on taking him out of school time, or was it time when mock exams were finished and he was still on study leave or something?

This. He's behaved badly and put you in a really crap situation. Does he have form for this behaviour or is it a one-off/unusual? I think that will determine how the school react.

Original poster
lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:49

No his mocks finish today and due to the subject combinations there are still students doing mocks tomorrow & Friday so normal lessons haven't resumed but they don't get study leave so he was expected to be in school & we were taking him out without permission. As I said, a very poor decision in hindsight especially given latest developments.

OP posts:
Teenagerantruns · 05/02/2025 12:49

Just go away, ask them to do the Saturday detention next week, or after half term.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 05/02/2025 12:49

Oh for gods sake just enjoy your holiday! You can’t just be expected to drop everything on a Saturday to attend a detention at short notice

he can do it another time when you get back and deal with it when you get bavk

np point in everyone suffering and missing out because of someone else’s actions

SoapySponge · 05/02/2025 12:50

He does detention and you miss part (all?) of your trip.

Two lessons. Tell school as early as possible about term time trips. Don't be a dickhead on exam papers.

HTH.

fashionqueen0123 · 05/02/2025 12:51

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:46

Shit. What a mess. Literally the first time in 16 years of education any child has been taken out for a holiday despite vast numbers of people we know taking annual ski trips, missing end of term or days away. and now this 😞I realise we've fucked up but now need to decide what to do.

I’d go on the holiday but ask the school if he can do the detention a week later. I have never heard of a weekend detention though - why would a teacher be in the school then?!

IndiraCharcoal · 05/02/2025 12:52

If your son did this in a real GCSE it would likely be treated as malpractice and he could be disqualified, so he needs to understand the seriousness. However, given it's your 50th I would ask whether the school would be willing to move the detention to the following Saturday.

Original poster
lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:52

We are going abroad so it's all or nothing. Not that it in any way justifies it but we were given use of a friend's ski chalet for this weekend as a birthday gift to me which is why we aren't going in half term. Wish it was just DH & I going now and we'd made other arrangements for the kids.

OP posts:
museumum · 05/02/2025 12:53

I would tell the school he has a family commitment and ask to do the detention the following weekend (or in the week).
id also very much change it in spirit from a joint birthday to just your 50th.
he can have a birthday celebration after he’s done his detention.

Midnightlove · 05/02/2025 12:53

Well I wouldn't be losing money on a trip over a Saturday detention that's for sure. It's the weekend, surely they can understand parents might have paid for and planned things? Unless you can leave him home alone, I would just go

fashionqueen0123 · 05/02/2025 12:53

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:52

We are going abroad so it's all or nothing. Not that it in any way justifies it but we were given use of a friend's ski chalet for this weekend as a birthday gift to me which is why we aren't going in half term. Wish it was just DH & I going now and we'd made other arrangements for the kids.

Just go. In years to come this won’t matter - enjoy your birthday.

It seems crazy to me a school would plan a detention at weekends in the first place. People can’t just drop all plans. Just say you’re happy for him to do it at a different time.

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 05/02/2025 12:54

Has he explained why he did it?

TeenToTwenties · 05/02/2025 12:54

IndiraCharcoal · 05/02/2025 12:52

If your son did this in a real GCSE it would likely be treated as malpractice and he could be disqualified, so he needs to understand the seriousness. However, given it's your 50th I would ask whether the school would be willing to move the detention to the following Saturday.

This needs repeating. It would be really serious in the real exams.