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Original poster

WWYD - son due to go on holiday tomorrow (inc. 2 days off school) but has been given saturday detention

329 replies

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:27

So we were due to take a long weekend holiday with our DC this weekend in part to celebrate a joint big birthday (DS 16 and my 50th) but also as a treat for DS working hard revising for his mock gcse which have just finished (lots of students still doing exams which is why we felt he wouldn't be missing too much). There was one optional subject he's really struggled with but school wouldn't let him drop. I was disappointed they wouldn't just let him drop it but OK with him drawing a line on that subject as he has 9 others and it was an option and accepting he'd fail one but use the time to focus on the other subjects.

However, I've just had an email from school saying he has been given a saturday detention & will face 'further consequences to be determined' for defacing one of his papers with disrespectful & obscene language (I've seen it and it's awful). There will clearly be consequences at home but of course in the immediate he's due to go on holiday which is hardly a punishment! It feels so wrong to still treat him with a holiday not to mention we had planned on telling school we were taking him away so they will no doubt be furious too given this incident.

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

WWYD?

OP posts:
JLou08 · 05/02/2025 13:26

I'd call the school and ask that he does the detention another week. I'd also be doing something at home such as reducing his personal spending money on holiday if he was to have some or grounding him when we returned. He needs consequences in place, but in the grand scheme of things it's not hugely shocking behaviour for a teenager. There is no need for the family to miss out on a holiday over it.

StrongandNorthern · 05/02/2025 13:27

It's an independent school,obviously.
I suppose you 'pays your money, and takes your choice'.
You've chosen that school, and everything which comes with it - including Saturday detentions.
Having said that - it sounds (from the strength of his reaction ... language used ... unless this is usual for him?) that maybe you, and the school, should be looking a bit deeper for why he reacted in that way?
I'm sure you can do all that after the ski holiday - which , I suspect, you will all be going on.

Sunshine1500 · 05/02/2025 13:27

I’d still go, there’s no way I’d let a school detention stop a family holiday.
however I would deal with it on returning.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families General education
ZippyHiker · 05/02/2025 13:29

StrongandNorthern · 05/02/2025 13:27

It's an independent school,obviously.
I suppose you 'pays your money, and takes your choice'.
You've chosen that school, and everything which comes with it - including Saturday detentions.
Having said that - it sounds (from the strength of his reaction ... language used ... unless this is usual for him?) that maybe you, and the school, should be looking a bit deeper for why he reacted in that way?
I'm sure you can do all that after the ski holiday - which , I suspect, you will all be going on.

The OP has confirmed it is a state grammar school.

StampOnTheGround · 05/02/2025 13:29

I wouldn't let a school detention dictate an entire holiday, yes he's done wrong and needs to be punished but there's no point punishing the whole family.

Also, a Saturday detention is ridiculous unless it's a boarding school?

DragonFly98 · 05/02/2025 13:29

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 05/02/2025 12:45

The apple doesn't fall from the tree, clearly.

Show quote history

It’s a day and a half.

LlynTegid · 05/02/2025 13:30

I'd check about cancelling and if you lose any money. Unless it was a very large part of the holiday cost, I'd cancel.

As for 'big birthdays' I am long on record for thinking them a load of nonsense designed to get you to spend more.

StrongandNorthern · 05/02/2025 13:30

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:52

We are going abroad so it's all or nothing. Not that it in any way justifies it but we were given use of a friend's ski chalet for this weekend as a birthday gift to me which is why we aren't going in half term. Wish it was just DH & I going now and we'd made other arrangements for the kids.

Nice.

JackieGoodman · 05/02/2025 13:31

I'd go with what @Talipesmum has advised

eremition · 05/02/2025 13:31

CatsMagic · 05/02/2025 12:47

Life is a series of lessons and delaying the consequence here really won’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Go on the holiday, act as you usually would and have a good time.

Deal with this when you get back.

Finally someone sensible.

DarlingSophieImHome · 05/02/2025 13:31

Take him on the holiday. Agree with school about punishments at home after the trip, the seriousness of defacing an exam paper, a Saturday detention but that the trip is booked and you are going.

Look, kids fuck up, they don't think properly about the things they do. Hopefully this will be a lesson to him going forward and might make him realise that he has taken it way too far.

DragonFly98 · 05/02/2025 13:32

Earwiggoearwiggoearwiggo · 05/02/2025 13:04

I'm assuming the school is an independent one, and if so you may well have signed something that says you accept Saturday detentions.

IME they're really only used for things that are serious, e.g. close to suspension

My children’s school is state and has Saturday detentions , it’s not that uncommon.

Bookworm20 · 05/02/2025 13:32

CatsMagic · 05/02/2025 12:47

Life is a series of lessons and delaying the consequence here really won’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Go on the holiday, act as you usually would and have a good time.

Deal with this when you get back.

This.
The holiday is pre-booked. He does well otherwise, he has just royally fucked up on this occasion.

He is a teenager and they do do some weird crap sometimes.
But its not the end of the world.
There will be consequences, as you say.
Make it clear to the school the 'family engagement' cannot be changed, but you will absolutely deal with it on your return and he can take detention then and whatever else you and the school deems necessary.

ZippyHiker · 05/02/2025 13:33

I've attended a Grammar school as has my partner and his children. All had Saturday morning detentions as a sanction for serious offences. My old school had lots of sports fixtures on Saturday mornings so parts of the school would be open and staff about. All parents signed up to it as part of accepting a place at the school. Very few kids ever had to attend on a Saturday so I think it worked as a deterrent.

Maray1967 · 05/02/2025 13:33

JustCuttinAboot · 05/02/2025 13:17

I would make an appointment in person or by phone with his head of year, explain how seriously you take it and what punishment as a family he will incur.

Explain it’s a weekend away for a 50th and ask for his detention to be deferred for one week.

and re-iterate that you support any additional penalties .

This.

And give him the bollocking of a life time.

Aside from what his teacher had had to read, if he does that in the actual exams he will face serious consequences. It sounds like he’s a bit of a smart arse - and my punishment for any idiocy like that is the one mine hated the most - removal of phone. Any whinging for the phone back led to the removal being extended. They learn pretty quickly.

I would also let mine know that we seriously considered not taking him on holiday and that if his behaviour is less than perfect - including any whinging over his phone loss - I’d be taking him home early. Let him see you looking up return flight options.

Cakeandcardio · 05/02/2025 13:34

Overall he's your son and you love him and want to have a nice family weekend away for big life events. He has made a mistake and you are clear he should have consequences for this. But that doesn't take away from the fact that you also deserve to have a nice time with your family. Just go an enjoy your trip. Arrange for him to attend a detention another day and honestly don't beat yourself up. I am a teacher and kids can do quite horrible stuff sometimes. But the teacher won't be so upset if they have reassurance from you that the child will still face the consequences. Have a nice trip.

chelseahealyslips · 05/02/2025 13:34

DragonFly98 · 05/02/2025 13:32

My children’s school is state and has Saturday detentions , it’s not that uncommon.

Show quote history

Yes, ours too. Particularly year 10 and 11 because of the seriousness of mocks and GCSEs. I don't like it. But it's a thing.

mrsmilesmatheson · 05/02/2025 13:34

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 13:08

no not an independent school state (grammar if that makes a difference). He's not rude but can be cheeky. His teachers all seem to like him (or at least they did!) but he's a talker and doesn't always stop when asked which particularly at his age is irritating & disrespectful so earned him demerits in the past.

No. It really is rude. Incredibly rude.

eremition · 05/02/2025 13:36

heyhopotato · 05/02/2025 13:25

Take him on the holiday but don't let him ski or snowboard as the punishment. He has to sit inside and study and show you what he's done after.

This is batshit crazy.

BeaTwix · 05/02/2025 13:36

Take him but tell the school he will do two Saturday detentions (or a second detention at a time to suit them) to make up for missing the first one due to a family commitment.

And if your son complains he misses the trip.

Maray1967 · 05/02/2025 13:37

StampOnTheGround · 05/02/2025 13:29

I wouldn't let a school detention dictate an entire holiday, yes he's done wrong and needs to be punished but there's no point punishing the whole family.

Also, a Saturday detention is ridiculous unless it's a boarding school?

Why ridiculous? I’d strongly support this, and I’d be impressed at staff who are willing to turn out to supervise it - hopefully senior.

Detention should be as annoying as possible for kids who behave like this - one of mine had to do one and I would have been more than happy to boot him out of bed early on a Saturday and send him to school for a couple of hours.

Loungingbutnotforlong · 05/02/2025 13:37

Go on the holiday- no reason for you to suffer too. He does Saturday detention when you’re back and writes letter of apology to teacher

MissyB1 · 05/02/2025 13:39

Well you didn't prioritise his GCSEs so why should he? You arranged a holiday that involves taking him out of school (without their permission), during GCSE year. What kind of message does that send to him? And he's been in trouble already at school for disrespectful behaviour, now he's he's written abuse on an exam paper. He sounds very entitled and arrogant, apple falling close to the tree?

Snorandrepeat · 05/02/2025 13:39

Cosycover · 05/02/2025 13:24

Saturday detention? I've never heard of this.

Regardless of what my child done I'd never send them to a Saturday detention.

Saturday detentions definitely happened at my son’s grammar school.

Earwiggoearwiggoearwiggo · 05/02/2025 13:39

Man, the responses on here are wild. I've been teaching for over a decade and I've never had a mock paper handed in with "fuck geography" or whatever written on it. It's not normal, it's almost suspension level.

Is he planning on staying on for Sixth Form? Has he had a confirmed place? Is it oversubscribed?