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Original poster

WWYD - son due to go on holiday tomorrow (inc. 2 days off school) but has been given saturday detention

329 replies

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:27

So we were due to take a long weekend holiday with our DC this weekend in part to celebrate a joint big birthday (DS 16 and my 50th) but also as a treat for DS working hard revising for his mock gcse which have just finished (lots of students still doing exams which is why we felt he wouldn't be missing too much). There was one optional subject he's really struggled with but school wouldn't let him drop. I was disappointed they wouldn't just let him drop it but OK with him drawing a line on that subject as he has 9 others and it was an option and accepting he'd fail one but use the time to focus on the other subjects.

However, I've just had an email from school saying he has been given a saturday detention & will face 'further consequences to be determined' for defacing one of his papers with disrespectful & obscene language (I've seen it and it's awful). There will clearly be consequences at home but of course in the immediate he's due to go on holiday which is hardly a punishment! It feels so wrong to still treat him with a holiday not to mention we had planned on telling school we were taking him away so they will no doubt be furious too given this incident.

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 05/02/2025 12:55

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:52

We are going abroad so it's all or nothing. Not that it in any way justifies it but we were given use of a friend's ski chalet for this weekend as a birthday gift to me which is why we aren't going in half term. Wish it was just DH & I going now and we'd made other arrangements for the kids.

Look, it all feels like a mess but I can see why you thought it wouldn’t be too bad at this time given other kids would be in exams still and your son wasn’t.
I’m not at all familiar with the idea of Saturday detentions but it can’t be the first time the school would have a parent say “sorry we just can’t be available this Saturday at 3 days notice”. Reaffirm your commitment to the punishment on a different date, and that you will absolutely work with the school and recognise it’s v serious, and go on the holiday as planned. Main problem will be not being furious with son while out there.

SirChenjins · 05/02/2025 12:55

Saturday detention? F that! I would apologise profusely to the school but say that you have a family event on Saturday that cannot be postponed and that you will need to reschedule the detention. Then I would kick my son into tomorrow, go on holiday, and deal with his idiocy on my return.

The absolute joys of teenagers.

mumonthehill · 05/02/2025 12:55

Look email the school and say you are away on a family trip that cannot be cancelled. That you are aware of the seriousness of what has happened and after next Tuesday you will support any consequences as the see fit. That you will also be having a serious talk with him and there will be consequences at home. He has been stupid but it was not the real exam and hopefully he will learn a lesson. Make it clear to him in other circumstances you would be cancelling the trip.

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16 year olds Families General education
incandescentglow · 05/02/2025 12:59

yeah i wouldn't cancel the holiday, i think it's silly to expect you too
agree with other posters about requesting the weekend detention next week, that way you're not undermining them and your holiday isn't ruined
also give your son an earful so he doesn't think he's gotten away with it lol

Original poster
lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:59

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 05/02/2025 12:54

Has he explained why he did it?

no only got the email today and he's still in school hence asking for advice before he gets home and we have to deal with him!. Saturday detentions aren't uncommon I believe but only for more serious incidents. He can mess around a bit in class and had the odd demerit for talking but nothing like this and certainly no saturday detentions before but certainly not perfect and on their radar.

Yes I am aware he could be disqualified if this were his GCSE. I'm waiting to hear back from school about any other actions they decide and we need to decide at home consequences too.

OP posts:
pikantna · 05/02/2025 12:59

I'd go on the holiday as a family and inform school he will not be available on the date they wish him to complete detention but will do it when actually in the country.

Fluffyc1ouds · 05/02/2025 13:01

Are schools allowed to do that on a Saturday?! Madness. Anyway, I'd be asking them to move it to a weekday and letting them know that you have other commitments at the weekend. Surely they can't enforce school on a weekend.

Shayisgreat · 05/02/2025 13:03

Don't cancel the trip! What's the consequence for not going to a Saturday detention?

Explain to the school that you're all away. If they won't change the day of the detention then he will need to face the consequence of non attendance at detention which is likely a higher consequence- he made his bed!

Earwiggoearwiggoearwiggo · 05/02/2025 13:04

I'm assuming the school is an independent one, and if so you may well have signed something that says you accept Saturday detentions.

IME they're really only used for things that are serious, e.g. close to suspension

LizzieSiddal · 05/02/2025 13:05

My reaction would be based on his general behaviour.
Is he this rude and disrespectful at other times to his teachers/you/family etc or is this incident a one off?

Twiglets1 · 05/02/2025 13:06

mumonthehill · 05/02/2025 12:55

Look email the school and say you are away on a family trip that cannot be cancelled. That you are aware of the seriousness of what has happened and after next Tuesday you will support any consequences as the see fit. That you will also be having a serious talk with him and there will be consequences at home. He has been stupid but it was not the real exam and hopefully he will learn a lesson. Make it clear to him in other circumstances you would be cancelling the trip.

This is what I would suggest also @lechatnoir

TeenLifeMum · 05/02/2025 13:06

I would email school and express support for consequences and would like to discuss alternative options as you are unable to comply with the Saturday detention due to wider impact on other family members and dc not being in the country so this wouldn’t be possible to cancel the trip at this point. You take the behaviour very seriously and are keen to work with the school on appropriate consequences.

I would also reiterate that I would be adding consequences at home alongside the school’s.

I’m a massive advocate for supporting schools, even if I don’t fully agree with the decisions it would have to be extreme for me to challenge. But I wouldn’t cancel a family holiday.

ZippyHiker · 05/02/2025 13:07

A lot of people seem to be saying 'just tell the school he' ll do the detention another time. But the school have already said there will be even more consequence, still under consideration. I think that if the OP seems to be minimising the seriousness of the offence then the school could go to suspension or whatever it is called these days, which won't look good on his record. The notification of intention to pick him up early tomorrow ie Thursday will not help the OP in her efforts to convince the school that she is on side with discipline. She admits she didn't request the time off, she just informed the school what she was going to do. In my book that isn't being very respectful to the school.

troppibambini6 · 05/02/2025 13:07

As others have said just call/email and explain you are away.
Fully support the punishment is there a way it can be done the following week or another day? I had to do similar with dd recently when she got an after school detention on the same day she had her science tutor.
After a bit of backwards and forwards they were able to rearrange it.
Yes he's been a bit stupid but kids are. There should be a consequence for him but lnot your whole family.

littleluncheon · 05/02/2025 13:08

He can do the detention next week.

Cynic17 · 05/02/2025 13:08

Well, first of all he shouldn't be missing any school to go on holiday - especially at this stage of his education. So that's on you, OP, and you gave already shown him that you don't think school is important.
But if he's also been stupid enough to get a detention, then he needs to go. It's not OK to undermine the school on this.
At 16, he can surely stay home alone? But if you think that this feels like too much of a reward for him, then at least one of you will have to stay home with him.

FindusMakesPancakes · 05/02/2025 13:08

Is he at a boarding school? He can stay there and not join you all then. That will get the message across that his behaviour was unacceptable, even if it is a bit brutal.

If not, then aged 16, he can be left at home. Also brutal. But, such is life sometimes.

Original poster
lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 13:08

no not an independent school state (grammar if that makes a difference). He's not rude but can be cheeky. His teachers all seem to like him (or at least they did!) but he's a talker and doesn't always stop when asked which particularly at his age is irritating & disrespectful so earned him demerits in the past.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 05/02/2025 13:09

Tell the school he cannot do the detention that Saturday but he will do TWO Saturday detentions afterwards plus write a letter of apology.
Many students may not be able to do Saturday detentions for various reasons so while the punishment needs to happen sometimes things may have to be re arrange in advance.

BourbonsAreOverated · 05/02/2025 13:10

LizzieSiddal · 05/02/2025 13:05

My reaction would be based on his general behaviour.
Is he this rude and disrespectful at other times to his teachers/you/family etc or is this incident a one off?

This.
if he’s playing up at the moment and doesn’t realise the severity I would keep one parent home with him and the other go with the other(s)
id get a takeaway / go out Saturday night (so no phones) and try and talk about what’s going on.

if he’s generally good and somethings just gone awry once, id still go.

Tootiredforthis23 · 05/02/2025 13:11

I’ve worked in a secondary school for years. Just go on the trip. Call the school, apologise for his behaviour and explain the situation, say he will do the detention another Saturday but you won’t be here this week. Make it clear you don’t approve of his behaviour and will be explaining to him the consequences of doing this in a real exam (it would be better he wrote nothing than did that!).

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/02/2025 13:11

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

Is there anyone - relative, friend, whoever - he could stay with while you're away, even if it's someone who wouldn't usually have him?

After what he's done leaving him behind at nearly 16 wouldn't worry me at all, and at least it would avoid seeming to reward him

gottastopeatingchocolate · 05/02/2025 13:11

The detention is the punishment - plus any further actions that the school take. I agree that you should reschedule the detention due to being away. Celebrating your birthdays is separate and I wouldn't punish him further by removing that. If I read it right, you are missing a half day when he's unlikely to be missing anything? I don't see that as a big deal.

TeenLifeMum · 05/02/2025 13:13

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 13:08

no not an independent school state (grammar if that makes a difference). He's not rude but can be cheeky. His teachers all seem to like him (or at least they did!) but he's a talker and doesn't always stop when asked which particularly at his age is irritating & disrespectful so earned him demerits in the past.

That’s rude then 🤷🏻‍♀️

As an aside, I wouldn’t take a dc out of school during an exam year. Sends a message about how unimportant school is in your mind. But that’s the call you’ve made so that does say something about you I’m afraid.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/02/2025 13:14

I wouldn't miss out on a family holiday, as that's punishing everyone else

I would tell school what other punishment you've agreed instead (litter picking? A longer detention another time) instead to show you're all taking this seriously