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Original poster

WWYD - son due to go on holiday tomorrow (inc. 2 days off school) but has been given saturday detention

329 replies

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:27

So we were due to take a long weekend holiday with our DC this weekend in part to celebrate a joint big birthday (DS 16 and my 50th) but also as a treat for DS working hard revising for his mock gcse which have just finished (lots of students still doing exams which is why we felt he wouldn't be missing too much). There was one optional subject he's really struggled with but school wouldn't let him drop. I was disappointed they wouldn't just let him drop it but OK with him drawing a line on that subject as he has 9 others and it was an option and accepting he'd fail one but use the time to focus on the other subjects.

However, I've just had an email from school saying he has been given a saturday detention & will face 'further consequences to be determined' for defacing one of his papers with disrespectful & obscene language (I've seen it and it's awful). There will clearly be consequences at home but of course in the immediate he's due to go on holiday which is hardly a punishment! It feels so wrong to still treat him with a holiday not to mention we had planned on telling school we were taking him away so they will no doubt be furious too given this incident.

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

WWYD?

OP posts:
natura · 05/02/2025 13:56

When your son gets home, I'd present the problem to him and tell him he needs to come up with a solution.

His mistake, his mess to clean.

Not to say I wouldn't have what PPs have suggested in my back pocket, but to start with, outsource the issue to the source.

Have him take some responsibility for his actions.

Hadjab · 05/02/2025 13:56

My son basically failed his mock exams not long before we were due to go to a family wedding in Florida. We made it clear we weren't going to reward him for his stupidity so we left him behind. He boarded at his school for the week we were away, and his teachers very kindly gave him extra study materials and tutoring sessions. He ended up actually having a great week with his mates 🙄but he did turn it around for his actual exams. He's 25 now and often says he's glad we didn't let him get away with it, as that a realisation that he was screwing up made him pull his socks up.

If you opt to take him away, I think it needs to come with a warning that there will be consequences to his behaviour, above and beyond the detention - what those are, well you'll have to decide, but more so he needs to understand the future fallout, but teenagers can rarely see beyond today, so good luck!

SanctusInDistress · 05/02/2025 13:56

You have no choice but to either cancel the trip or leave him at home on his own or with a relative.

its that simple.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families General education
notwavingbutsinking · 05/02/2025 13:56

Actually I would caveat my advice above (which was go on holiday) depending on what exactly was on the paper. Was it general teenage dickishness (fuck school, 'mr jones is a nob') or was it nasty/aggressive personal insults ('miss smith is a dirty slag')? I think there is an important distinction here.

MadamWillYouTalk · 05/02/2025 13:57

Not the main point of the thread, but I'd never heard of state schools doing this before (I'm not disbelieving, just surprised!) - out of interest what happens if that child has a weekend job and is scheduled to work? When I was in sixth form I worked every Saturday and some Sunday hours too.

Silvers11 · 05/02/2025 13:57

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

@lechatnoir If it were me, I would be doing everything I could to find someone who your son can stay with and I would be leaving him behind. I understand what a difficult position he has put you in, but that would be a perfect punishment, reinforcing that what he did was very serious.

If you take him, either a) everyone's holiday is still ruined because there is a cloud hanging over him or b) it is all as normal while you are away and no matter what happens after, it will not send the right message

mumda · 05/02/2025 13:58

" He's not rude but can be cheeky.
He can mess around a bit in class and had the odd demerit for talking"

Can I be the one to tell you?

Your son is horrible to have in classes.
Other students probably don't like his behaviour either.

FrenchandSaunders · 05/02/2025 13:59

notwavingbutsinking · 05/02/2025 13:56

Actually I would caveat my advice above (which was go on holiday) depending on what exactly was on the paper. Was it general teenage dickishness (fuck school, 'mr jones is a nob') or was it nasty/aggressive personal insults ('miss smith is a dirty slag')? I think there is an important distinction here.

Miss Smith is a dirty slag 😂

eremition · 05/02/2025 14:00

SanctusInDistress · 05/02/2025 13:56

You have no choice but to either cancel the trip or leave him at home on his own or with a relative.

its that simple.

She really has. They can go on the already paid for family holiday.

It’s that simple.

WearyAuldWumman · 05/02/2025 14:00

Auldlang · 05/02/2025 13:47

Really? Feel like at my school people were doing worse than that on a daily basis.

Show quote history

Yes, but that's not how the exam boards view it. It's lucky that this was only a mock.

I had to deal with this kind of thing when I was a PTC. Usually, we showed the prelim/mock to the parent and explained that doing this in the real exam would result in a cancellation of the award.

We didn't run Saturday detentions. Normally, the culprit would be removed from class to work under the supervision of a PTC or member of the SLT.

NB Each candidate would already have received an SQA pamphlet detailing this and we'd have gone over the same with them before the prelims.

Saveusernsme · 05/02/2025 14:00

Honestly, if he’s got a great school record up until now, I’d let it slide. Go on holiday and ask to do the detention the following weekend. He’s 16; he’s going to make stupid mistakes and I would say probably didn’t understand the impact defacing a paper could be (as for what exactly was written might be a separate issue). I would email school, explain that you fully support but will be taking him out and ask if he can do his detention next weekend. I would also expect your DS to write an apology to the school.

WearyAuldWumman · 05/02/2025 14:01

NeverHadHaveHas · 05/02/2025 13:55

How is defacing an exam paper any different from defacing desks or the back of a toilet door which some kids have been doing since schools were invented. Some people are acting as though some stupid teenage scrawl is something he should be tarred and feathered for. I don’t think it’s indicative of a fundamental character flaw. It’s shit and daft behaviour given it could get him disqualified from actual GCSE’s but I really don’t get the pearl clutching and hysteria.

As people have said, it's because the exam boards take this really seriously and can cancel the pupil's award.

NeverHadHaveHas · 05/02/2025 14:01

SanctusInDistress · 05/02/2025 13:56

You have no choice but to either cancel the trip or leave him at home on his own or with a relative.

its that simple.

She really does have a choice.

Rickrolypoly · 05/02/2025 14:02

I'm actually laughing at some of the hand wringing going on here.

Bit of perspective people- jeez!

It's 1.5 days. He will be finished his exams. That part of is is not an issue.

Re the detention, I would call the school and say you appreciate that he deserves to be reprimanded however, unfortunately he will not be in the country this weekend etc... Any other date can be facilitated.

I would leave the "punishment" at whatever the school decide. Why are you punishing him twice? I would certainly talk to him about it and get to the bottom of it but I dont agree with double punishment- not for something like writing a bad word- not nice and not to be deemed acceptable but also not the worst thing a teenager could do!

TwigletsAndRadishes · 05/02/2025 14:03

Just explain that you have an important pre-existing arrangement that the whole family will be away that weekend, including him and you are not able to cancel it and it would be inappropriate to leave him home alone. Offer that he will come in on the first available Saturday after you are back. They can't expect whole families to change complicated, expensive plans at the drop of a hat.

NeverHadHaveHas · 05/02/2025 14:03

WearyAuldWumman · 05/02/2025 14:01

As people have said, it's because the exam boards take this really seriously and can cancel the pupil's award.

Show quote history

Yes and I’ve acknowledged that in my post. It’s stupid behaviour for that reason, but some people have called into question his character and that of the OP. My point is that it’s stupid, but not necessarily a sign of a doomed child or a poor parent.

Dearnurse · 05/02/2025 14:03

Email the school let them know your on holiday and he won't be available, give them the dates he can do, you obviously arnt going to cancel a holiday abroad to go to detention that's ridiculous. I would take his phone until you go away as a punishment, nothing hurts a teenager more than no phone 🤣

Tiswa · 05/02/2025 14:04

Needmorelego · 05/02/2025 13:09

Tell the school he cannot do the detention that Saturday but he will do TWO Saturday detentions afterwards plus write a letter of apology.
Many students may not be able to do Saturday detentions for various reasons so while the punishment needs to happen sometimes things may have to be re arrange in advance.

Agree with this - speak to the school and get it moved (and doubled if need be) and discuss with him the seriousness of it if he did it during an actual exam
i take it it’s the exam he isn’t interested in

YourHappyJadeEagle · 05/02/2025 14:07

Talipesmum · 05/02/2025 12:45

I would get back in touch with school, highly apologetic and showing you are taking it seriously, but let them know that you have a family engagement away this weekend and will not be able to have him at Saturday detention this weekend, but that you fully support it next weekend (or whenever the next one is) plus whatever else you can do to support the school in managing and showing consequences for his behaviour.

No need to go into detail with them about what the event is for.

But were you also planning on taking him out of school time, or was it time when mock exams were finished and he was still on study leave or something?

This. The rest of your family shouldn’t miss out because your child has messed up.
He gets to do the detention next week and you give him a suitable punishment, something he’ll hate, sweeping paths, cleaning windows, washing garage doors —- boring and cold. He also writes an apology to the teacher.

JollyGreenSleeves · 05/02/2025 14:07

CatsMagic · 05/02/2025 12:47

Life is a series of lessons and delaying the consequence here really won’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Go on the holiday, act as you usually would and have a good time.

Deal with this when you get back.

Yes agree with this.

To miss the holiday would be punishment for the whole family and regardless, is not a natural consequence of writing horrible things on an exam paper.

What is his character like generally?

Hazylazydays · 05/02/2025 14:07

Saveusernsme · 05/02/2025 14:00

Honestly, if he’s got a great school record up until now, I’d let it slide. Go on holiday and ask to do the detention the following weekend. He’s 16; he’s going to make stupid mistakes and I would say probably didn’t understand the impact defacing a paper could be (as for what exactly was written might be a separate issue). I would email school, explain that you fully support but will be taking him out and ask if he can do his detention next weekend. I would also expect your DS to write an apology to the school.

Definitely this, common sense talking at last, he did a stupid thing … who hasn’t.

Just enjoy your holiday, you can sort out a relevant punishment when you get back.

eremition · 05/02/2025 14:08

Rickrolypoly · 05/02/2025 14:02

I'm actually laughing at some of the hand wringing going on here.

Bit of perspective people- jeez!

It's 1.5 days. He will be finished his exams. That part of is is not an issue.

Re the detention, I would call the school and say you appreciate that he deserves to be reprimanded however, unfortunately he will not be in the country this weekend etc... Any other date can be facilitated.

I would leave the "punishment" at whatever the school decide. Why are you punishing him twice? I would certainly talk to him about it and get to the bottom of it but I dont agree with double punishment- not for something like writing a bad word- not nice and not to be deemed acceptable but also not the worst thing a teenager could do!

Is this a typical UK thing or what? Punishment. Detention (and on a weekend!?).

Have you not come further than this?
No wonder your schools have problems.

Rocketpants50 · 05/02/2025 14:08

I would explain to school you are away for weekend, that you want him to do the detention - can he do next week. Maybe the thought of it sitting over him for a further week will actually be tough for him! I would also take some paper and pen with me away and get him to sit and write an apology letter to the teacher. Maybe a weekend with his disapproving parents where he can't escape will also be punishment!

Tiswa · 05/02/2025 14:08

WearyAuldWumman · 05/02/2025 14:01

As people have said, it's because the exam boards take this really seriously and can cancel the pupil's award.

Show quote history

If it is the school the school can handle it internally - when I did exams someone did just that on the desk and the remaining exams was moved to sit right at the very front facing a wall

an exam paper goes to the exam board and therefore goes under their rules of malpractice

WearyAuldWumman · 05/02/2025 14:09

NeverHadHaveHas · 05/02/2025 14:03

Yes and I’ve acknowledged that in my post. It’s stupid behaviour for that reason, but some people have called into question his character and that of the OP. My point is that it’s stupid, but not necessarily a sign of a doomed child or a poor parent.

Show quote history

You're right...but given the OP's comments about her son's "cheeky" behaviour, I'd say that she's fortunate to have the opportunity to nip this in the bud now.