‘good’ ways to die as an elderly person?

[morbideveningthoughts]

Okay so this is a bit of a sensitive / morbid subject and I hope it won’t be too upsetting for anyone. But I’d be curious to hear others’ thoughts as I can’t really have this conversation in real life.

I am single and childfree, this is a life choice and how I intend to stay. But, I do find myself thinking quite a lot about what my future will look like without any younger family around me.

I am turning 40 soon and I suppose I am having a bit of a ‘mid-life moment’ but am really trying my best to be healthy, eating good food and exercising, and thinking about how to sure up my health as best I can.

But then I think… for what? Do I really want to live into my 90s and become frail and lonely and dependent on others who are unrelated to me (or some form of AI, as may be the case by then).
I know it sounds horrible, but I do know a couple of elderly people in their 90s currently, who in a sense are the ‘lucky’ ones who have enjoyed good health generally and lived long lives. But they seem pretty sad and anxious generally, and have little to enjoy or look forward to due to loss of hearing, eyesight, mobility, manual dexterity, memory… everything is just really difficult for them and I know they feel afraid of what the future holds. And these are ladies with family to love and be loved by in return. That most likely won’t be the case for me.

The more I think about it, the more I think I’d prefer to be carried off by a heart attack in my early 80s. Looking after my arteries suddenly feels less important. We all have to go somehow, right?

I’m not sure what I’m asking really. Perhaps a smack round the chops and a dose of common sense if I’m talking rubbish.

You never know how life will turn out. You might get knocked down by a bus next week or live until 86. What worries me most is the threat of a world war.
A good way to die, I imagine, would be suddenly, without warning and not too young.

God when I think of looking after arteries I’m thinking it’s to avoid heart attacks decades before 80! I think it’s a given your arteries are gonna be fluffy by then?

Dying in bed is the dream isn’t it? That would be a heart attack too surely.

Something has to get you but I really don’t fancy any of them. My mum had a cardiac arrest (survived, v v rare) and said she’s no longer scared of death as it was just like switching off a light.

My grandpa basically chose to die - was bereaved, said he was done now, didn’t wake up in the morning. That was nice.

My plan is to avoid taking all the pills the NHS try and force upon elderly people.

E.g blood pressure tablets, statins etc so hopefully I'll pop off at my right time and not outstay my welcome and suffer from dementia etc.

(I have watched family members live too long due to medical science, enduring a horrendous existence, and don't want that for myself).

Don't be too blasé about your cardiovascular health.

Yes you could drop down dead of a "nice clean heart attack", which is probably the dream if you've got no spouse and children to be traumatised by it, but fuzzy arteries are also a major cause of vascular dementia, which is no fun at all.

I think it is quality of life rather than quantity. I’d be quite happy to have a quick heat attack when I start losing my independence. I’d much rather have a “good innings” then die in my sleep than have a slow decline.

There is an old joke though who wants to live to 100? Someone who is 99. Perhaps perspectives change, when you actually get there.

You could plan (if not done so already) to move to a retirement village in very late life. At least there'd be someone to keep an eye on you and provide care support if needed. They're not cheap though.

My gran was in very poor health and I saw her elderly from about 60.
She died at 74 with dementia in a home.

I don't want to go that way.

I find thinking about getting old so stressful :(

I'm hoping euthanasia is readily available when I need it.

Having seen people suffer with vascular dementia I'm taking so many blood pressure pills and statins I'm positively rattling.

You plan on staying single too?

Quickly - in fact, as suddenly and unexpectedlyas possible.

Without any prior illness or mental deterioration.
Preferably before the age of 70.
Most definitely alone - don't want anyone hanging around my bedside!

Or, as we used to say as kids, shot by a jealous lover 😂

Lol i was going to say a good quick heart attack was the way to go

Absolutely this.
And no "nanny state" screening nonsense, either.

But they are full of old people talking about their ailments - how f*ing depressing!

Pneumonia in your sleep.

As quickly as possible.
I had breast cancer 5 years ago and it concentrates the mind. Also watched a friend die of cervical cancer. Very Slowly.
I'd like an exit strategy but how do you bump yourself off at the right time and without it being obvious?

You could live to a ripe old age and just pop off in your sleep. Keep yourself as well as you can for as long as you can. You are also still quite young and may not be alone for the rest of your life, who knows what is around the corner. Just be you and enjoy what you have. Good luck.

I think it’s important to try and stay healthy and happy for as long as you can…. Life is for living. Try not to think about death too much, but it does come to us all, who knows if / what / when.

One of my grandads took a sip of whiskey in his favourite chair and had a massive heart attack. He wasn’t ill beforehand and died content and enjoying himself. I would like to go like that.

I think I’d like to fall asleep and never wake up just at the end of my independent, healthy life. Peaceful and painless.

My wonderful Nan died of a sudden heart attack when she was in her late 80s. She was mentally still all there but her mobility was massively declining. I hope she died instantly because it breaks my heart to think of her lying there in pain and scared and unable to get help. To me, she died so quickly and I wasn’t prepared for it.

My DH’s Nana died when she was 103. She survived many things including strokes but, in the end, she died from a fall and banging her head. The bleed she had and the knock on effect of that meant she needed palliative care at the end. Whilst it was good in some ways as so many of her vast family were able to see her in her final days, it was also horrendous flinching every time DH’s phone pinged in case it was the news that she had gone. Seeing her decline drastically in those days as well was awful. She had always been quick witted and completely aware but her memory started to go.

So to go back to the original question, I want to die peacefully and painlessly for my benefit but also for my family’s benefit too.

My aim is to keep going until my youngest reaches 40 and see all my kids in to middle age - that would bring me to 78. After that it's fair game although I'd prefer a death that didn't involve violence (my grandad was murdered a few months before I was born and I've always been frightened of that) or freak accidents. Either way it has to happen some how and none of us can predict the time, the best way to prepare for whatever happens is to live a good life and be happy with the person you are as much as possible. Interesting thread! Interesting answers!

My uncle died of a heart attack sitting on a bench watching ducks on the river. He was in his early 80s which seems young now I'm in my 60s but had a terminal cancer diagnosis, so this seemed like a really good way to go.
But I think staying healthy and spry as long as possible then just not waking up one morning is my preference.

Surely, blood pressure tablets are to avoid something like a stroke. Good luck suffering the consequences of one is so, such as having other decide important medical decisions for you. Some pills are preventative measures and stop you from getting to a point of suffering unnecessarily.

Oh I didn't realise cardiovascular health was a risk factor for dementia. That’s worth knowing, thanks.

Although, with the caveat that I don’t know much about dementia - maybe it’s not so bad, in that at least I’d not know what was going on? If I’m alone and helpless, I think I’d rather not know it? As I won’t have children who will have to deal with it.

Death is scary, but I wish we talked about it more. It makes it more scary that we all go about our lives in denial that it will happen.

Trouble is there are a lot of chronic things that don't kill you but make life a lot harder, and things like strokes, COPD, diabetes, heart failure, some cancers are starting to fall into that category.

Oh I hope I leave this earth like your uncle did.

My own father died in his 70s of a heart attack. He was being treated for cancer at the time, we thought he was in remission, but the post mortem showed that was not the case and actually it had been terminal. I’m glad he never knew, and didn’t have to go through any more treatment.

As a 67 year old singleton with no kids, believe me life is good and I have no intention of going anywhere anytime soon unless it happens health wise!

Live for the day and enjoy what you've got. No one can see into the future. Most of the people I know who have died were clean living folk and exercised to within an inch of their lives instead of LIVING. Their lives just seemed to be one long excuse to be puritanical.

I have enough financially to be looked after privately if needed. I think the idea of planning our deaths is not realistic since by the time you want to exit stage left you can't make that decision anymore due to dementia! But that's where advance directives and the right to die comes in I suppose but they must be done while compos mentis.

All I have is DNR, POA to a niece, will made, and hope to continue to enjoy the ride. I'm fortunate not to have any serious illnesses (YET!) so while I can I'm packing it in.