‘good’ ways to die as an elderly person?

[morbideveningthoughts]

Okay so this is a bit of a sensitive / morbid subject and I hope it won’t be too upsetting for anyone. But I’d be curious to hear others’ thoughts as I can’t really have this conversation in real life.

I am single and childfree, this is a life choice and how I intend to stay. But, I do find myself thinking quite a lot about what my future will look like without any younger family around me.

I am turning 40 soon and I suppose I am having a bit of a ‘mid-life moment’ but am really trying my best to be healthy, eating good food and exercising, and thinking about how to sure up my health as best I can.

But then I think… for what? Do I really want to live into my 90s and become frail and lonely and dependent on others who are unrelated to me (or some form of AI, as may be the case by then).
I know it sounds horrible, but I do know a couple of elderly people in their 90s currently, who in a sense are the ‘lucky’ ones who have enjoyed good health generally and lived long lives. But they seem pretty sad and anxious generally, and have little to enjoy or look forward to due to loss of hearing, eyesight, mobility, manual dexterity, memory… everything is just really difficult for them and I know they feel afraid of what the future holds. And these are ladies with family to love and be loved by in return. That most likely won’t be the case for me.

The more I think about it, the more I think I’d prefer to be carried off by a heart attack in my early 80s. Looking after my arteries suddenly feels less important. We all have to go somehow, right?

I’m not sure what I’m asking really. Perhaps a smack round the chops and a dose of common sense if I’m talking rubbish.

I'm hoping that by the time i'm old we'll have some care homes with a no vaccine (I'm not an anti vaxxer) no antibiotics rules where you can eat proper food, not liquid, even if its a massive chocking risk to you. Hopefully a short illness like flu will then be allowed to carry me off.
No way am I going to be kept alive for years, using every drug going to achieve this, in mental and phisical agony. It's just plain cruel the way we make elderly people live as long as possible in such suffering.

Oh me too.

I wonder what proportion of people have ‘good’ deaths like this?

This thread is quite reassuring actually, hearing stories about peaceful endings.

Sadly I have far too much knowledge about Vascular dementia and Alzheimer's.

Vascular - you can try to reduce your risk but you have to start early with all the healthy lifestyle choices, probably in your 30's/40's.

A relative died so peacefully aged 85 that his wife who was sleeping next to him didn’t wake up. Not nice for her but the most peaceful way to go. Heart stopped beating.

I hope that when my time comes, I will be able to take a ‘little blue pill’, preferably washed down with a nice glass of red, and drift off into the sunset. Personally I think 75 is a reasonable age. Still got my youthful looks and figure, and definitely most of my marbles.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had experience of dementia 😔.

I’m 40 next year and I think it’s suddenly hit me that I need to start looking after myself. Hence all these musings about living into old age and whether I even really want to.

I'm 47, no children etc minimal family.

I have enough saved up for Dignitas if needs be. Otherwise I've enough dosh to live my days somewhere like the Philippines with my own private nurse.

My great-grandma nodded off in an armchair after enjoying a full Christmas dinner and just didn't wake up. None of the family realised she was dead until they tried to wake her up for trifle. I don't think you can get a much better death than that: old, content, quick, painless and surrounded by family.

Before the age of 70?????? I'm 65 and would hate to go before I'm 70, and I have several friends in their 70s who are active and full of life. My neighbour is 80 and is fitter than I am. I hope to be around for a long time, provided my health is reasonably okay, which it is at the moment. I know a woman of 102 who lives alone, with no carers, and still enjoys going out.

Rather than be ancient and decrepit, I would prefer to die in excellent health in my late 60’s… in a bar room shoot out with rival gangsters with my toy boy waiting outside in my Jag with the engine running.

A nice stroke, hang around a couple of days afterwards so people can come say goodbye then decent palliative care and off I pop. Maybe as I'm rolled for a bed bath just to make the students jump 😉

ETA: a stroke where I could still communicate so I can express my love and wishes. Not one where people appear distraught or scared or sad. Thought I should edit to point out I'm not trivialising the experience of a stroke!

Looking after your arteries isn't about getting to 80 odd, it is about getting through your 50's and 60's.

Aim for a long health span and a short death span. The NHS does have a tendency to be reactive not proactive.

A friend's sister did the die in your sleep scenario last year. It has taken a year for her relatives to get over the shock and admit that they would quite like to go via that route.

There's pros and cons to every situation.

Well said @Halavonna - from a 65 year old singleton, also with no kids.

Most people die of pneumonia I heard once. That is they become frail and catch an infection.

There is something called a Living Will you can prepare in advance to specify you don’t want treatment that will sustain your life. I think it’s better that n POA as the person with POA still has to decide whether you should have the antibiotics or not etc

I think I know how to aim for a long health span (in theory and with a pinch of luck) but how to aim for a short death span is the million dollar question!

Yep, I’m planning a living will and may also take myself off to Switzerland at the first suggestion of Alzheimer’s or any other progressive incurable condition.

This happened to my Grandad too. My Gran phoned my Mum in the morning saying she was worried about him because she couldn’t wake him up - they were both late 80s and he’d died in his sleep, so peacefully she didn’t even realise. What a way to go. I think his heart just stopped.

For me the worst way to go would be some sort of bowel cancer. I’ve nursed both my Mum and Gran (different Gran to above) through it and the end is just horrific.

As previous posters have said....you never know what will happen. My dad (80) has always looked after himself. Swimming 3 miles a week, walking regularly, eats well. Two years ago he needed a triple heart bypass. Just before Christmas last year was rushed to hospital with a post surgery infection. Two weeks in hospital and a mini stroke later......hes finally home. I honestly think he will keep going, just like the Duracell bunny!!!

I know a few people who have had sudden heart attacks in old age and that's definitely the best way to go. A very short illness after a full life is OK as well, could argue that that's a bit easier on the family. You want to be fit and healthy for as long as possible basically.

My Dad died of a massive heart attack, very quick. My Mum. Died of Pancreatic cancer, very slow and painful. I know which I'd prefer for myself.

Dementia scares me more than death

My (unmarried, no kids) aunt died last year from a sudden aneurysm - she was mid 70s and had always been a glamorous, attractive and fashion conscious lady.

The autopsy showed she had quite advanced ovarian cancer. She'd recently lost some weight and been feeling not quite herself but no other real symptoms. I was devastated by her loss but took great comfort in knowing she'd have chosen to go out like that rather than endure a slow death by cancer. And God forbid if she'd lost her hair!

My father died at 70 in his sleep - his heart gave out (not an attack as such, he was unlikely to have been in any pain, according to the medics/post mortem). It was a shock and devastating at the time of course, but in many ways I think he was quite luck. No pain and suffering.

My beloved FIL was diagnosed with dementia last year and is deteriorating rapidly. It's so very sad for both him and all around him who love him so much.

So if your blood pressure was high at say 50 years old, you'd refuse medication and let nature take its course? Wow.

I do agree that we shouldn't be pumping very old people full of drugs, but I think you need to broaden your view a little.

The trouble with this is that the related illnesses that you can get through not taking these drugs can be very long drawn out, painful and debilitating. Decades of issues. High blood pressure can lead to kidney failure for example and if you decide to not take treatment for kidney failure it's a horrible way to die.

Doctors don't just prescribe these tablets for the lols.