DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

Sorry to add we do have a small study downstairs so he could study there after school/evenings. It’s not big enough for a bed though so not a bedroom option

He needs your room. He’s already had his life flipped about. You need to find a way for a proper partition, give him your room or move. It is unreasonable to expect him to share with two much younger siblings.

Ha! He can ‘want’ as much as he wants.
It’s not ideal for him, but you’ve done your best to make the situation work.

I’m wondering do I move our work stuff from the study to front room and make the best of it to give him the study and put his desk and gaming chair etc etc in there so he has that as a study / gaming space ?

Is there a dining room you can make into a bedroom. The three of them sharing long term in one room is just not a viable plan.

This is what I was going to suggest. He sleeps upstairs and can have privacy in the study. A great compromise.

No downstairs is just front room , kitchen, small study and tiny downstairs loo

Can the study become the front room or dining room, and then the now empty room becomes your or his bedroom? At 15 I wouldn’t have felt comfortable sharing a room with such young children, as a parent I would also be concerned about sleep quality, especially around exam season.

Do you work from home in the study? If not then I'd consider making that into his space.

I think I’ll do this I may say to dp and let dss choose stuff to redecorate it. He’s acting like a spoilt brat but I’m trying to ignore it as I think it’s actually unhappiness and trauma not actual genuine rude behaviour

Small study becomes his bedroom.

Why did he move to yours when there was no space? Is moving back to his mums a option?

Can the study become his bedroom? He really doesn’t need a gaming chair of it wont fit though. And as for being furious, surely he knew what the set up was before he moved in?

I do but really the dc are at school the hours I work mostly so I can get round it somehow or use the kitchen if it’s holidays and they are home as they are very good and not too noisy

It’s too small for a bed unfortunately. It has a desk and chair in that’s it

It was very last minute and I think his attitude is him protecting himself

Could you get a sofa bed for you I'm the living room? My 15 year old would really struggle sharing with smaller children, especially with exams coming up. They do need a space of their own.

In this situation I would move into the living room and just not have guests. I'd rearrange it, sleep on the sofa bed if comfortable enough or get a daybed with a trundle for you and DH.

If he is 15 he is doing his GCSEs, already experienced a rather traumatic move into yours that sounds like it wasn't his fault.

Once exams are over I'd move back into my bedroom. This was always a risk when you had children with a man who already has a child either through relationship breakdown with his mother or her ill health or death.

I am astounded at the way people are responding here. This is a child who has clearly been let down by his mother and needs the comfort and security of a proper home with his dad. How is that being spoilt or ungrateful? Why does he have to go somewhere else? OP said there are issues with his mother so it seems pretty obvious he needs to be with op and her partner. OP’s partner chose to have three children.

Ungrateful? Yes, because he's asked for his nuclear family unit to fall apart and be replaced with two younger half siblings.

He's 15, not 5 - he needs his own space.

I know you are trying but yes you need to give him the study - three kids in one room really isn’t ideal, especially at such different ages - teens do need space - it’s going to become an endless source of tension if you don’t fix this.

He’ll have to put up with sleeping in the kids bedroom, and similarly should respect their space by just using it for sleeping.

What about a single futon bed in the study?

https://www.dunelm.com/product/mito-single-futon-1000110899?defaultSkuId=30855223&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Beds_Beds_%5BGOO-PLA+PSB-BEDS-BEDS%5D&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAyc67BhDSARIsAM95Qzv39XuX-VvhFixzDnsqVsr37B7rfI4-5b2YylZ10vUaQrh_HaKTrQ0aAg5UEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Yes we have one that’s what we used the weekends he used to stay before but it was really making us uncomfortable as dp has a back issue and works long hours so not ideal. I thought Dss would be pleased as the room looks really nice but he’s just angry 😔

No-one wants a cuckoo in the nest though, do they? So, he must be grateful and stop being an inconvenience to his father's shiny, new life and family.

Is there no way of making the study a bedroom? Surely it can’t be that small? (We had a room where a bed JUST fit in but it’s better than the situation you’ve all been living with!)

At 15 he must be studying for GCSE's if you are in the UK. I'm afraid to say. He isn't being ungrateful he is being honest and accurate.

Cam you get one of those bunkbeds in your ds's room that is a double on bottom, bunk over and then another single bed? That way you and dp share with the you ger boys and dss has your room with single bed and desk etc in?

Alternatively. How big is the study?