DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

This

Maybe he should stay with his Mum then?

Have you actually read OP’s updates?

RTFT.

That’s neglect. 😳

Peaceandquietandacuppa
So you think DH shouldn't have had more children on the off chance his eldest might at some point come and live with him requiring a bigger house?

TribeofFfive. It's rented

You move to the small room, move the boys to the large one, and put up a partition wall in the middle so that DSS has half the room and your ds's the other half

Gosh. What an awful lot of upheaval in the middle of GCSEs.

I hope you can all make it work where you are and give this boy all the support and love he needs to get through this.

Is there a counsellor available via school or the Gp? He could really do with it.

Sounds like a horrendous situation for a 15yo to find themselves in. But it also sounds like OP and her DP are doing their best and everyone is communicating.

Best of luck OP.

So exactly the same setup they have now?

I think they (or it could be one person with three accounts) are trolls - ignore them and hopefully they will get bored and move on xx

My dad grew up in the 60s and shared with 4 brothers. Three of them in a double bed and two in bunkbeds between the ages of 18 and 7. It was way more common to all share back then due to poverty so I would say suck it up, it’s fine.

OP. Presumably if he’s now living with you and his father permanently, child support should stop (and possibly switch round)? Sorry if repeating what others have said already.

M

The opening post clearly states that the 2 younger half siblings are boys .

U fair to expect him to share with 2 younger children and have no private space, change the study into a room for him to have his own space, really hard for him when his life has been messed around.

Yes.

For 15 year old boys, unfortunately, it's not about looking lovely. For you it's a practical solution but he will be going through all sorts of hormonal and emotional changes which would make it difficult to share with young children. In addition he'll have exams coming up and will need somewhere he can feel he can concentrate. It sounds like his life has been thrown into a degree of turmoil recently. I'd cut him some slack and be less angry with his anger.

Could you be keeping an eye out for a 3-bedroom place to rent while you're making do for the moment? You could also put yourself on the housing list. It's a long shot because social housing lists are so long, but 3 children sharing would be considered overcrowding (2 is fine) which might bump you up the list.

@Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone
How are thing going?
Is the boy feeling more settled?
Are the younger two coping OK having big brother with them all the time?

The 15 year old needs their own space. Your home it’s suitable for three children and two adults.

Back then there probably wasn’t occupancy laws and social works happy to remove children from homes due to what would now be considered neglect.

@Pherian overcrowding isn't against the law nor is it neglect.
Councils and Housing associations won't put a family into overcrowded accommodation but nothing the can do if the family are in private let or privately owned house.

I know a family with 4 kids in a 2bed house. Council won't give them a 3bed because they'd be overcrowded and don't have any 4beds to give them.

There is legislation that means that councils can be sued for allowed overcrowding, but that has to be approved by someone first (Prosecutor General? Is that a thing?) and guess what? No cases have been made for years.

That legislation is not worth the paper it's written on.

As an aside, is targets landlord/councils, not the people actually living in cramped conditions.

@Pherian try 1935.

By council standards it is. OP could even have another baby. They would be overcrowded in a few years ,as the kids grow and ages change , but right now they aren't.