DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

Because I don't think OP is a safe person for the boy to be around. The hate she has for him is quite obvious. She resents him being there, that's quite obvious. At foster care, at least he would have some space, and still be able to visit his father! It would be a better outcome. I truly stand by what I said.

Even though it’s bollocks…

Foster care? 🙄
Yes emojis are lazy but come on...

Ok. I doubt many people can take in a troubled teen.

Honestly, less than ideal it may be. But even a dad who didn't bother to buy him a bed is better than the care system.

@IdylicDay anything? Really? If that were the case he wouldn't have been removed from his mum, would it?

Here's the thing, if there were better options(and no, foster care is NOT the better option), he wouldn't have been placed with his dad.

You don't seem to know much about children, the care system or anything else relevant to this thread.

Kid: dad, why can't I live with you?

Dad: well, Suzie on the internet thinks it's not good for you. See you next weekend!

How to screw the kid up even more. The state are horrendous parents. There are reasons SW are reluctant to remove kids, because they know state care is the worse possible outcome for kids

A huge percentage young people on the streets are ex care children and the same with the prison population.

How anyone can say that's better for the boy than to be sharing a room with two half siblings is well and truly beyond me.

I think I know far more about children than you do. IF SS are involved, I doubt they would have placed him with OP if they knew the true situation with OP's resentment of him and the living situation. So I wouldn't be surprised if they don't know.

Have you read all OP’s posts? She was venting and said he’s usually lovely and a polite boy. She recognises he’s lashing out as he’s scared and didn’t want to cry. I think she loves him a lot by the sounds of it! She’s doing her best to make him welcome as he’s her children’s sibling.

It's not an ideal situation. But I agree. He's better off with OP than with his own mum or in foster care.

Yes, have you read them? Have you read where she said he was ungrateful, where she said he was acting like a spoilt brat? Did you? Did you read her posts at all?

That is very loaded language and shows her resentment of him and her hatred of him.

You genuinely don't think that poor boy picks up on her hostility towards him? Children know!

And no, she is not doing her 'best'. She chucked him in with 2 small children, a 15 year old boy, ffs. That's not doing her best at all. She was being selfish and very irresponsible especially regarding safeguarding.

Because some people are absolutely clueless!

Wow you’re touchy. Yes I did, she was venting and said he isn’t usually like that and she thinks he’s trying hard not to cry. It’s all been a horrible shock for him and she’s going to do whatever’s needed to make it work and make him feel welcome. That doesn’t sound like hatred or resentment to me!

Anyway I'm hiding this thread now. I genuinely believe and stand by what I said. I am horrified at the OP's treatment and resentment of this boy, and people who think her attitude is ok, and the living situation is responsible or meets any safeguards whatsoever. Knocking the care system - which has many more caring foster parents and successes than failures, is just the limit. Catch you all on other threads.

You plainly haven't read the OP's posts in full. As I said upthread:

No she said he was "acting like a spoilt brat but I’m trying to ignore it as I think it’s actually unhappiness and trauma not actual genuine rude behaviour"

There is a world of difference between saying someone is "acting this way but I understand the reasons" and saying "they are an awful person".

It takes an awful lot of projection (or bad faith) to rewrite the former as the latter.

Not going to say anything helpful about the accommodation issue but please take every chance you get to tell this lad what good things he's doing, when he makes a good decision, when he holds the door open to let someone through, anything to show that you see him making an effort, making good choices and trying his best. If he's been really polite with you before, as you say, this is him masking.

You worded this much better than I did! This is exactly what I was trying to say.

Jeez.
What a positive update op.
I for one, applaud you for doing your best in really difficult circumstances. Carry on!

It's not a human right to get a bedroom to yourself when you are 15- it depends on circumstances, you can't expect adults who pay for the house and work full time to sleep on a sofa bed so this kid has privacy to masturbate- he'll have to manage like countless teenagers did before him- there is a study for him to do his schoolwork-that's the main thing.

You’re 🦇 💩 or you’ve read a different thread 🙄

So sorry you’re all going through this OP, it must be difficult for you all as much as it is for DSS.
I’m disgusted by some of the comments you’ve received, the amount of judgemental snobs on here is embarrassing. Let’s hope none of you lose your jobs and need to downsize and god forbid make your children share a room! OP is entitled to have however many children she wants, she could comfortably house her two children when she moved to her house. Now she has three children to accommodate all I can see is her trying her best to make him feel welcome and wanted. Rent costs are high and housing is hard to come by. If OP had rented a 3 bedroom house just to accommodate a bed for DSS EOW do you not think they’d struggle financially even more? Plus if they claim UC or housing benefit they wouldn’t have been allowed a 3 bedroom house with only 2 children therefore they’d had to have taken a further hit of losing out on benefits.
I can see DSS view point he wants his own space, he’s a struggling teen. However you don’t have the means for that right now. He needs to accept that for now it won’t be ideal but one day he will have his full space.
For now could you encourage him to give it a trial week sharing with his brothers with a partition? Then offer your bedroom during the daytime for somewhere quiet he can relax (assuming you don’t use your bedroom during the day) perhaps if you have space put his gaming set up in there? It will be hard for him at first but I guarantee when he settles in and enjoys family life he will be just fine.
You’re a good person OP, many people would refuse to house a surprise step child or go to these lengths. The main thing is he now safe. Please get him some counselling as he has been through so much he needs to find a healthy way to manage his emotions. All the best OP.
Just see that your landlord will let you partition the room, that’s great news hopefully DSS will feel more at ease now he’ll have privacy

SS put 3 kids with a relative that already had 3 kid in a 3 bedroom house. Mixes sexes and ages . So no, you really don't know what you are talking about.

He’s 15, he absolutely needs his own space and shouldn’t be squeezed in with two much younger siblings.