How do I turn my life around?

[Turningthingsaround]

My life is shit but I need 2025 to be the year I turn things around otherwise I worry I never will.
I'm in my mid 40s, pretty much always been single, no children. I live alone and I'm incredibly lonely. I don't really have any friends and the few acquaintances I do have have priorities like partners and children. I live rurally with little going on locally. I'm very overweight but have recently lost 2 stone which I'm thrilled with (a lot more to go). I have improved my exercise and eating but it's not been great over Xmas - sure I can get back to it though.

I work remotely which doesn't help with the loneliness but I struggled when working too much face to face as I get very peopled out.

Some weeks I don't see anyone face to face apart from getting served in a shop. I have a few family members who don't live too far away and I see them once a week or so for a walk or lunch but that's about an hour a week or hour a fortnight.

Please don't say join a club etc as there's literally nothing to join. The nearest would be a 2+ hour round trip and I couldn't leave my dog for more than 4 hours. Dog walkers don't work in the evenings around here and kennels are booked up months and months in advance.

I can't go on like this though. I'm so bored. I've literally got nothing to do except work, watch TV, exercise and walk the dog.

Similar situation here, also 40's. watching with interest..

Thank you so much for all the messages and suggestions. I had a little cry last night and then got productive. I advertised my spare room on a lodger site, I emailed a possible local (ish) club (unfortunately they only meet in my working times so it's a non starter) and emailed another and awaiting a reply. I looked at possible dog classes but there's nothing starting soon (will keep an eye) and I emailed an estate agent to get my house valued. I'm 99% certain I won't move but at least having it valued in the next few weeks will give me information.

A couple of you have kindly said you could stay in touch. Please feel free to message directly.

Well done OP. It’s inspiring to hear you have made a start x

Hi Turningthingsaround.

Have you thought about doing an online challenge? The monthly kind. Last year I took part in a daily walking challenge with the DofE which helped me connect with others, even if that was just to log our progress and to encourage each other. This may be done on your own but you will have your dog and you will get the enjoyment of the accomplishment. You will also benefit from the exercise to continue your amazing weight loss journey too!

We sound very similar - also mid 40s, long term single and no children.

I don't think my life is shit but certainly areas I could improve on. I'd like to improve my social life and also my fitness so if you need an accountability buddy or anything like that, feel free to message me.

Great advice, thank you.

(Intended for OP I know but helpful to me too)

I'm also in the same situation x

Hi all! I'm in the same boat but DC has left home. I'll be watching the thread for inspiration/support etc also.

I like the idea of one big adventure and six smaller ones per year. I'll look into that.

Also, I have read a few different threads so forgive me if this is from here, but a good suggestion was to read a book called Atomic Habits which could be a motivator for trying new things. It was something that jumped out for me so may help you too OP.

I love atomic habits. Saying that, I don't think I ever finished it so maybe that's something for me to start with

The only way to resolve loneliness and isolation is to make connections with other people as you know OP.

You say you live rurally, how rural are we talking? Small village or on the middle of nowhere where there’s only a few houses for miles?

What potential meeting with other people points in close proximity are there? Is there a church, even if you’re not of faith, that could be a place to make connections or get involved in community events?

Any potential for volunteering somewhere on a weekend? Gardening centres/care home/animal rescues? Weekend supermarket job so you can paid while making connections?

I agree moving is a big step at this point and you can feel even more isolated in a town or a city and you may hate it if you struggle to make friends, so keep your rural home comforts but get it valued so you know what is possible.

Be wary of getting a lodger or advertising that you are lonely as a woman living alone rurally, too many risks of being taken advantage of.

Good luck.

@iamnotalemon you sound a little like me. If Atomic Habits can fix me and my procrastination I'd be a happy woman.

I'm just guilty of buying far too many books. Maybe I should have got that as an audio book - may have been better.

Congratulations on your weight loss OP! If I were you I'd concentrate on reaching your goal weight first and don't think of anything else. The reason I say this is - whenever I've lost weight in the past - unexpectedly good things have happened in my life - which has solved my wider problems!

So, by just reaching one goal at a time - in your case weight loss - you may well naturally experience

The cumulative effect of food things!

I get you OP - but just sharing my experience

I was lonely and friendless in 2009 and had some albeit few family members where I lived. I had an opportunity to move around 200 miles away and I took it. Thing is, I was certainly no more lonely where I'd moved to in my new place than I'd been in the area with my (few) family members. In fact. after a year or so there I reconnected with loads of people on Facebook - remember circa 2010 was a time when Facebook still seemed something of a novelty thing - this led to a one really good meaningful relationship in particular - and for the first time in over 5 years I wasn't lonely !

So based on my experience, I wouldn't let the 'no family' thing put me off moving - from your description- you sound isolated where you are anyway - at least moving would give you a fresh start!

I wonder have you looked at the website meetup as I saw someone else mention it on MN and it might cover things you have not thought of.