How do I turn my life around?

[Turningthingsaround]

My life is shit but I need 2025 to be the year I turn things around otherwise I worry I never will.
I'm in my mid 40s, pretty much always been single, no children. I live alone and I'm incredibly lonely. I don't really have any friends and the few acquaintances I do have have priorities like partners and children. I live rurally with little going on locally. I'm very overweight but have recently lost 2 stone which I'm thrilled with (a lot more to go). I have improved my exercise and eating but it's not been great over Xmas - sure I can get back to it though.

I work remotely which doesn't help with the loneliness but I struggled when working too much face to face as I get very peopled out.

Some weeks I don't see anyone face to face apart from getting served in a shop. I have a few family members who don't live too far away and I see them once a week or so for a walk or lunch but that's about an hour a week or hour a fortnight.

Please don't say join a club etc as there's literally nothing to join. The nearest would be a 2+ hour round trip and I couldn't leave my dog for more than 4 hours. Dog walkers don't work in the evenings around here and kennels are booked up months and months in advance.

I can't go on like this though. I'm so bored. I've literally got nothing to do except work, watch TV, exercise and walk the dog.

So much of what you say resonates with me. I’ve come to conclusion that I will have to move even though housing prices has bombed in this area/village. It’s not as rural living as you describe and yet I can’t take another year of isolation in village where people already have their families and friends.
Watching your post w interest.

Yeah I've definitely considered moving but if it doesn't work out then I'll potentially have isolated myself even more by moving away from my few family members. Also not sure if I have the energy to sell my house.

Well done on your weight loss, I’ve done similar this year so I know how hard it is and how well you’ve done!

i have people round me but sometimes lonely, it’s very hard. Know that even when people look happy it’s not often the case!

Set up your own club and advertise in local businesses? What are you interested in?

Is there a local FB group for your village/ neighbouring villages? Why not ask if anyone local would like to meet for walks/ a bike ride / dog walks/ to start C25K in 2025 / share a PT.sessio / start a book group etc??

Sometimes it just takes one person to make a suggestion. We have a wonderful local women only walking group that someone started just as a FB group a little over 12 months ago and now there.are at least a couple of walks each week and spin off social stuff like cinema/ theatre/ cafe and book swap socials

How far is your nearest parkrun, you can take your dog and walk it or volunteer there too, there are lots of roles you can do and you build better connections that way, won't happen week one, but if you volunteer 5 weeks out of ten you are likely to get to know people, often people end up in the cafe afterwards. You don't have to be a runner, I know one where a lot of the volunteers are swimmers, they get the importance of sport, but don't think they miss out when they don't get to run.

I was going to suggest moving.

If you don't want to join a club what are you going to do?

The way to make a change is to set a goal and make a plan to achieve it. What do you want? Then work backwards. Sounds simple - and it can be if you know what you're working towards.

I bet you aren't the only person feeling the way you are. Have you got a village pub? They are often hubs for groups, my old boss used to go to hers for Knit n Natter, I'm not sure how much knitting got done but there was plenty of the nattering.

Eventbrite is good for local and remote groups online.

Rent your house out and rent elsewhere for a year. You have nothing to lose.

Same x Soon to be late 40s. Single, no children, overweight. My 2025 is going to be the year of the new job. I have some work friends but as they have family commitments we only do something maybe every 3 months, friends outside of work maybe every 2 months. I'm hoping to maintain those relationships and then add new ones from the new job. Losing weight is giving me the confidence to think about changing where I work. I'm not a people person, so regular clubs are my idea of hell, but need to get out a bit more than once every two months x

Too much needs fixed to rent out my house and I can't afford the repairs.

You need to move. Rural living is isolating and if you work from home you are unlikely to meet either a partner or friends. So carry on losing weight (well done so far) and move house.

Start up some new hobby/group?

Find folk to go dog walking with.

Message if you'd like to stay in touch.

I have no idea what I'm interested in anymore to be honest. I think I've lost all my spark.

Not dissimilar here - trying to think about a whole plan for next year x

Something has to change.

Location - move.
Activities - find some locally or online in real time (ticker)- the obvious one is to become a gamer.
Job - how far are any potential employers? Stop working from home.

Nothing will change otherwise unless your life randomly turns into the film the Holiday - and even then she was rural near London!

Well done on weight loss btw. I have to start losing weight this year. Cannot go on at this size.

I stated I wanted to move but like you wonder if I have energy.

But hope you find some resolutions to stuff you are trying to accomplish.

OP it sounds as though you could do with living somewhere less remote. Yes it could be a massive decision and change but if you don't try then you would never know!

I would recommend start putting some feelers out, have a look around local towns (or less local if you're brave) and cities and see if there's somewhere that takes your fancy. That can be your starter to think about whether it's worth making a big change!

@Turningthingsaround Hi, I was about to post almost the same as you when I read yours. Slightly different, I am 51 and co parent 2 children half the week. My very small family aren't around much. I have never been a group's person and relied on a few friends outside of my relationship. I have been split from children's dad for 5 years and now one friend who was free same time as me has moved away. Other people I know spend weekends with their families. The things I am thinking of doing are bumble for friends, meet up and maybe very tentatively online dating, but not if it's as awful as everybody says.
I am happy to keep in touch chatting on online if others are!

You need to change job to one where you aren't exclusively wfh.
Wfh has its benefits but it can also be extremely isolating and its really not suitable for someone living alone and feeling lonely.
You'd feel much better if you were in a routine of getting up and out each day to attend a workplace, chatting to colleagues and experiencing normal human interaction every day. Yes you might lose a bit of free time to the commute but it will be worth it for yoyr wellbeing.

Not possible to change job at the moment as only just started a new one.

You want things to change but you don't want to actually change them. As the saying goes " If you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got".

It's not as easy as just saying move house though is it. It costs thousands of pounds to move, I'd have to sell my house which could take months or a year and then I could do all that and be no better off. Plus I have a lot of work needed on the house first which I can't afford and would struggle to do myself. I'm not against change but moving house isn't something to be taken lightly, it's not easy. I'm also at a very low point so a huge change is even harder.

Hmm, you have kind of created this situation by choosing to live remote and working remote. At some point you must have thought that was a good idea and I think you might still do as you are saying you can’t move or change jobs. If there is nothing around you then that’s the situation, by choosing to stay nothing will change.

I moved to be closer to family as all my friends had moved away from where I was living.
I changed jobs because I was made redundant.
It's not as simple as people make out.