How do I turn my life around?

[Turningthingsaround]

My life is shit but I need 2025 to be the year I turn things around otherwise I worry I never will.
I'm in my mid 40s, pretty much always been single, no children. I live alone and I'm incredibly lonely. I don't really have any friends and the few acquaintances I do have have priorities like partners and children. I live rurally with little going on locally. I'm very overweight but have recently lost 2 stone which I'm thrilled with (a lot more to go). I have improved my exercise and eating but it's not been great over Xmas - sure I can get back to it though.

I work remotely which doesn't help with the loneliness but I struggled when working too much face to face as I get very peopled out.

Some weeks I don't see anyone face to face apart from getting served in a shop. I have a few family members who don't live too far away and I see them once a week or so for a walk or lunch but that's about an hour a week or hour a fortnight.

Please don't say join a club etc as there's literally nothing to join. The nearest would be a 2+ hour round trip and I couldn't leave my dog for more than 4 hours. Dog walkers don't work in the evenings around here and kennels are booked up months and months in advance.

I can't go on like this though. I'm so bored. I've literally got nothing to do except work, watch TV, exercise and walk the dog.

There's some new online weekly meets/zooms that have started in the last 5 years. Some are hobby related and some are just connecting with other women.
If you build a friendship with one or two within the group's then you could consider a long distance friendship? Great excuse to go on holiday etc one or twice a year to catch up.
Another option is volunteering within your village. Yes the local adult clubs are likely to be at least a 2 hour trip but your local uniformed organisations such as British Legion or something for young people might be closer.
You could also volunteer at a charity shop once a month too.

Moving should excite you, if it doesn’t then it isn’t where you live that’s the problem. People move all the time. Sure it’s a bit of a hassle but it’s worth it and part of life. I think I counted that I had lived in 26 homes across 5 countries by the time I was 42. You don’t have to do exactly that but moving isn’t so hard that it’s worth staying and being miserable.

OP could you think about getting a lodger, that could help giving you some company.

Other than that, I agree with others - you are going to have to change something if you want things to change, it won't magically happen by itself.

Sorry you are feeling so low - it does make imagining change really hard

I've lived in about 15 homes so I'm not against it. I just think after that many moves that I'm not sure I want another one, especially one that involves selling my home. It was much easier in the past when I rented and moving was a doddle.

Thank you for understanding

Good idea and definitely one I've considered. It feels like a bit of a failure to need a lodger in my 40s but maybe it would end up being a good thing.

OP is your dog sociable with other dogs? If so can you say to any of the other dog walkers you like, and who your dog likes, 'do you fancy meeting for a longer walk on Sunday? Or have a run at a secure dog field together with another dog and owner? You talk about clubs and not being able to leave your dog but what about an activity that involves your dog? Agility, scentwork, hoopers? Obviously if that won't suit your dog's temperament then that idea is out! I know what you mean about being 'peopled out' but sometimes if you have another focus - your dog, their dog - it can make it easier.

How about a solo group holiday? I did two this year and loved it.

You need to plan in some things op.

Fwiw I don’t think it’s a failure - it’s a proactive option to put some money aside for some other changes

Ok so I think it'd be helpful to write down what you can and can't change. So you can't change your job or your home. Is everything else up for grabs? Are there co working spaces within a reasonable distance - up to an hour's commute? Maybe do that occasionally?

What can you do to make life worth living around that.

I saw this thing the other day that is going to help me set my goals for next year.

What is the one big thing you want to do with your year? Is it lose weight? Cycle a particular route in France? Give up alcohol? Climb a mountain?
Decide your one big thing.

Then six mini adventures. One every other month. Camping with your dog. City break. Star gazing in Northumberland. Host a party for your birthday. Whatever you enjoy.

Then a new habit every month. So, maybe find your nearest town and work from a coffee shop once a week so you're being more sociable. Introduce that in January. By the time you have embedded that you'll be ready for a new habit in February, whatever you want to make that.

You are changing your life, @Turningthingsaround . You've lost a lot of weight and you're reaching out here for other ideas. You just need to make a few new friends and things could start to be more fulfilling.

But is there no option to attend the workplace? Very few jobs are mandatory wfh fulltime so you presumably actively sought a full wfh job, why would you do that when you are lonely?
You need to get out and go into work. Even if your workplace suggests fewer days, go more. You need to

There's no office. I was made redundant so had to get a job - any job.

Thank you

Yes. You can have up to I think £7500 py tax free if you rent a room and then you may be able to afford some of those repairs that will facilitate a sale.
But OP, do you realise you're knocking down many suggestions? You need to have a serious think about what you want amd then accept what it'll take to get there. There is no magic bullet but you need a plan of possibly 1 Yr with milestones along the way which will help you feel you're progressing.

I know this is 'out there' a bit but a small change that doesn't cost anything and it doesn't matter if it's shit, because you don't have to go again. Maybe try church on a Sunday, even if you're really remote, there's bound to be one. Even if you don't believe, there may be some flyers on the notice board for WI, organising raffles what have you. If some of the ladies look friendly, go again and maybe someone will say hello and you can ask about the groups. Not ideal, as they may be a bit older but it may be a tiny little start. And when you're down in the dumps, sometimes it's that tiny, little start that gets things rolling x x x

Okay so:

You don't want to move (too expensive and too much hassle)
You don't want to join any clubs (too far away)
You don't want to set up any local clubs (no interests)
You don't want a new job (you've just started)

But you want to change your life because you're unhappy and lonely. So genuine question, and no judgement to the answer, but what DO you want to change? And what are you willing to do about it?

Thank you. I'll take it on board. Fwiw, I'm not knocking down ideas to be arsey. I just know my area and what's possible as well as my work and house situation. It's sometimes easy to suggest things but the reality can be a lot harder.

If I knew that then I probably wouldn't be in this situation

Well done on the weight loss! Maybe, since it seems to be something you could do, and seem to be keen on, look into getting a lodger - this would give you a source of income for home improvements and saving to move, if you felt you wanted to later on.
It’s not large changes you need, it’s finding what lights you up.

I think I understand a bit about that feeling - if not knowing what would help - I started a thread earlier about looking for a plan.

Is there anyone you can talk to about the options, someone who could give you time and space to work through things?

the options and change ARE hard and you can’t just flick a switch x

Would you consider moving/ what’s keeping you in the area?

You really can’t keep going through life like this 🥹 You need more purpose to be happy, I feel

@Turningthingsaround this might sound really obvious - but are you on Facebook and have you joined local/surrounding community pages?
I live rurally and an outsider would wonder what goes on in this sleepy idyll - in reality you would be exhausted if you took part in only a fraction of the of the hobbies/events etc that go on!
You do sound a little down, and putting yourself out there isn't easy (I too can get peopled out) but I guarantee it's worth the effort!

It sounds tough, but well done on the weight loss and having got a job - you have started changing things.

If you are so rural there is nothing to join and you aren’t inclined to take up what little there is available, then you have no option but to move, so however slowly, I’d crack on with that. I don’t think you have anything to lose - since the few people around you now aren’t doing it for you - do you?

Is there anywhere you’ve lived before that you’ve liked? It takes time to create a meaningful friendship group so pick somewhere where there is lots to do, so you can have a fun time with activities and acquaintances and build the friendships slowly without feeling desperate about it.