Do you think these people should have gotten christmas gifts from charity?

[ThisProudGreenCat]

Mum and two young children (6 months old and 2 1/2 years old). Certainly not poor albeit not rich. Dad isn't in the picture as not allowed contact with the children or the mum (can't know where they are either), basically mum had to leave her first property to get away from dad as he is an online child sex offender and breached his bail condition to stalk them.

Mum lives in a private rental 2 bedroom flat and has food on the table, can afford clothes, treats, softplay for the kids, etc... etc...

Mum found out she was referred to Christmas appeal and received Christmas toys for the kids, although the kids already have Christmas toys.

Do you think it's fair or unfair? Would you have been gutted if you were one of the people who donated the toys, thinking they were going to a family in need?

Would you have been gutted if you were one of the people who donated the toys, thinking they were going to a family in need?

No, I would not be 'gutted'.

In my opinion, they are in need. In need of care and the knowledge that there is good in the world and that not all people are bastards.

I don't think that people who donate toys to charity for children at Christmas think in that way. That toys should be given to wide eyed shoeless orphans gathered round an aflame oil barrel.

Would you have been gutted if you were one of the people who donated the toys, thinking they were going to a family in need?

What? Absolutely not. This is a family in need, imo!

I wouldn’t be gutted, sounds like a family that needs a bit of kindness.

Its not like she’s referred herself and misrepresented the situation

Sounds fine to me.

I run a food bank, and we occasionally get a phone call or comment that so-and-so shouldn’t be using our service because they have a car/a job/live in x area/whatever else. There can be a lot behind the initial snapshot. It’s really low imo.

Not at all, horrible situation, bit of cheer is probably warranted.

It's not the fact that she can afford it in this case.
It's the fact that she knows that society is by her side and wants her and her kids happy.

I think your friends situation captures a wider snapshot of who these gifts will go to. It's extremely rare to have a family in absolute poverty, even though these are the images pushed out for campaigns.

Blimey.
You wouldn't swap your life with her, surely. What a difficult set of circumstances that she is navigating. The fact that someone has donated gifts and someone has nominated her is surely the lift she needs?
I remember the secret santa we used to do on here, back in the day. It was literally the thought and consideration that gave people the boost.

It doesn’t sound like they’ve had a very nice time of it and I would be happy for my donated gifts to have gone to them.

It's not about charity and a couple of toys, it is about someone saying, "you are supported and valued, you and your children matter".

Sounds like they absolutely deserve it.

We were in a similar situation a few years ago - DS has just turned 5 and was attacked by my ex during a contact session and I got social services involved. This all happened weeks before Christmas. The week before Christmas our allocated social worker turned up with gifts for DS that had been donated. I tried to decline but he insisted. We went out the next day and spent about £50 on presents and donated them to Salvation Army. We now do this every Christmas when honestly our lives are so busy that it just hasn’t occurred to us before.

So that kind gesture for a child in ‘need’ at Christmas has resulted in more donations every year. It’s very possible it will have a similar impact on the person in your OP.

My children once received little gift packages via school and I was mortified. I didn't know they were getting them, and they had been given to the children directly at school, the TA came out to explain what they were, so I couldn't really refuse them without upsetting the DC who were only in nursery and Y1 at the time.

It's not that I wasn't extremely grateful for the generosity, I really was, and we do have difficult circumstances, even more so at that time than now (recently split from an abusive relationship with their Dad, both children neurodivergent to the point that there are no suitable childcare options so I'm limited to part time work within the school day), but I had managed a lovely Christmas for us. We had decorations, treat foods, a Christmas dinner and a decent amount of gifts for both DC and a warm, safe house to enjoy it in. I had actually made some albeit small food, clothing and gift donations to various appeals myself.

I tried to offset it by making another donation to a toy appeal that was still running as I felt so guilty taking the gifts when I know there are so many families in the area who didn't have what we did.

Not at all. Feeling cared for is underestimated.

They sound very deserving of help.

The ones that I don’t really like the ones that take the toys to the kids in Hospital
I remember being in hospital as a child 40 years ago and I’ve never had so much attention new toys new clothes new pyjamas
Side of being sick, it was probably one of the best times of my life.
I couldn’t move for stuff

How do you know her circumstances ? .The fact she has food on the table could mean she goes without. The clothes could be hand me downs ,charity. Don't be so mean.
No I think she she is absolutely deserving how distressing can it be to upend yours and your kids life to hide from a sex offender. Those children deserve to have the best christmas in my opinion.

It's not very Christmassy to be questioning gifts to little children at Christmas. Its fine for all children to be thought about at Christmas.

Nobody in this country with children has no money thankfully due to the benefit system we have so this family who have been through absolute hell are exactly the type of people these things are for they deserve a bit of kindness at Christmas

@MyPithyPoster out of curiosity, if it was one of the best times of your life, how comes you don’t like toy appeals giving to children in hospital?

I’ve given a few toys to a kids gift appeal this year and do it most years. I genuinely wouldn’t mind if they ended up with this family, however going against the grain slightly (hard hat on), I’d possibly think that the distributing charity/organisation had got it a bit wrong and there will be needier children missing out.
Honestly though, it’s all done from a place of kindness, I guess arranged via a domestic abuse charity or similar, I could never begrudge kids in that situation a few extra toys.

I want to understand more about this - what is the issue with people donating gifts to kids in hospital?

I wouldn't object to those children receiving gifts, no.

Who's to say who's deserving and who's not? This family has been through a lot. Plus they could appear to be coping because the mum prioritises her income on essentials and works hard to make her money go as far as possible.

There could be other families with the same income but the DC are not adequately fed and clothed and don't get to go to soft play because their parents spend money on their own comforts. Would those DC be more deserving of donated gifts?

My dad was a striking miner in the 1980s and we received food parcels and gifts from miners welfare charities. But because DM was working, we received help from grandparents and DF did cash in hand gardening, window cleaning and labouring we weren't as badly off as many miner's families. Should we have not accepted gifts even though the strike nearly broke our family and we still remember the trauma 40 years later?

It doesn't sound like she referred herself, so I don't see the issue. I don't think it's particularly helpful for charities to anaylse how every recipient is choosing to spend their money and try to allocate to the most needy. She sounds like a resourceful person who prioritses providing for her kids. If she doesn't feel like she needs them, there's no reason she can't pass them on to someone else.

The OP does sound rather peeved and jealous about the family receiving charity donated gifts and I wonder if there's more to this than we know about.

I volunteer locally to support several charities in a variety of ways but it would never occur to me to deny someone kindness and support, or material things by way of gifts and toys! Myself, and my peers know very little about their personal circumstances, we just know they need someone to be there when they reach out.

Denying any child a gift is simply mean.

I thought this too