Do you think these people should have gotten christmas gifts from charity?

[ThisProudGreenCat]

Mum and two young children (6 months old and 2 1/2 years old). Certainly not poor albeit not rich. Dad isn't in the picture as not allowed contact with the children or the mum (can't know where they are either), basically mum had to leave her first property to get away from dad as he is an online child sex offender and breached his bail condition to stalk them.

Mum lives in a private rental 2 bedroom flat and has food on the table, can afford clothes, treats, softplay for the kids, etc... etc...

Mum found out she was referred to Christmas appeal and received Christmas toys for the kids, although the kids already have Christmas toys.

Do you think it's fair or unfair? Would you have been gutted if you were one of the people who donated the toys, thinking they were going to a family in need?

Op are you this lady and feeling guilty? Charities are there to help people who may not realise a bit of help could make things easier for them x

Not at all. Perhaps it takes a bit of the mental load away for Mum at a horrible time, one less gift to have to think about, perhaps it's just a nice extra treat for kids who have gone through something shitty. Whatever it is, they've had to start a life again by the sounds of things and I doubt many would begrudge them a little something extra this year.

'Need' doesn't have to be purely financial I suppose, even though that's what the first assumption might be.

@ThisProudGreenCat , are you saying this is a family not in need?

Do you have a criteria/ checklist that you have before you donate to a charity?

I think charity becomes a cold, dead thing when people start interrogating the recipient's eligibility like this. Just let it be something positive and good without all the jealous elbow-jostling. Her kids getting a wonderful Christmas doesn't take anything away from you.

They deserve this huge act of kindness...

It's not just about money (though they hardly sound rich). I hope the gifts made them feel someone somewhere cared that they had a nice Christmas.

There are collections for gifts for kids who spend Christmas in hospital. Most of those families can probably afford gifts but that's not why it's done, it's just to spread a little happiness for people going through a tough time.

Is it you? If so, enjoy the gifts.
If not, mind your own business!

Anyone who begrudges them is a bit of a nob.

If I personally can't have something, what's important to me, is that no-one else can benefit from it either. If that's not the point of Christmas, I don't know what is.

Sounds liketheyvebeen to hell and back and deserve a few extra treats to me.

Bloody hell. They are young children, their father is a peadophile and they have received a gift from a charity. Anyone who thinks that’s unreasonable is an arsehole.

Are you the mum?

I work for such a charity and I’m perfectly happy that we might have supported this family or one like it. Most charities like this work on a referral basis so if a professional working with the family thinks it’s appropriate, we provide the gifts.

I think this is a totally worthy family to recieve goodwill. I donate to a local charity that do these christmas collections and this is exactly the sort of family I would hope they help. In need can mean many things, and I would expect this family to be in need of a bit of extra support at christmas. Even if the extra gifts freed up some cash so mum could see a friend for the evening, or take the kids to see santa, something to bring some joy after their shitty time they have had then yes this is a very valid cause.

“Gutted”? No - any more than I would feel gutted to learn that the Big Issue seller is bought from actually had a hostel place.

If I want to know exactly who will receive a gift and to decide if they deserve it, I will buy it for a specific person based on their circumstances.

I donated to Christmas appeal and wouldn’t mind this family receiving a gift. Mum is doing amazing job with 2 little ones in private rental and a little bit of magic and extra kindness will be good for them.

In these circumstances I wouldn't mind. She's had to escape a sexual offenders.

I do think anyone giving xmas presents to these charities needs to be aware though that the presents aren't always going where you think they are.

We needed support (not financial) a few years back from a charity as we were struggling with parenting our ASD child. Charity gave lots of practical advice and we had sessions with the support worker, great. However just before Christmas she turned up with some presents and said these are for the children. It was only after she'd left it dawned on me that they would have been donated by people thinking they were giving a present to a child who would otherwise have nothing on Christmas day. We're a 2 income family, own home, children get plenty on presents and get spoilt rotten by grand parents! I phoned her up and asked to give them back.

If you're only donating to organisations that help people who meet your very strict definition of "in need" you haven't really grasped the concept of charity. Admit it, we donate to make ourselves feel a bit righteous and it's easier to give money or buy a toy at Christmas than to actually be involved long-term in someone's life. We want someone else to do the messy helping part.

so they got free stuff and you didnt, is that your problem?

I'd be happy for these children to have my donations- they have been through a lot by the sounds of it. Mum needs some pressure taken off too and they all deserve the most magical Christmas ever.

I would be very happy for this family to receive the gifts. Although equally, it works be none of my business - you don't give to charity with conditions.

I would have thought a single mother with 2 very young kids, living in a 2 bed flat, having escaped with her children to get away from a sex offender exactly the people I was donating to.

Yes, she's taking the piss. There are many people in far more need.

Beautifully put!

who on earth are you to "judge" whether this person should or shouldn't be the recipient of a gift hamper. for what ever reason someone thought this little family was a good choice.
as a mature adult IF she truly has zero need for the gesture she can gift it forward.