Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you think these people should have gotten christmas gifts from charity?

224 replies

ThisProudGreenCat · 16/12/2024 23:51

Mum and two young children (6 months old and 2 1/2 years old). Certainly not poor albeit not rich. Dad isn't in the picture as not allowed contact with the children or the mum (can't know where they are either), basically mum had to leave her first property to get away from dad as he is an online child sex offender and breached his bail condition to stalk them.

Mum lives in a private rental 2 bedroom flat and has food on the table, can afford clothes, treats, softplay for the kids, etc... etc...

Mum found out she was referred to Christmas appeal and received Christmas toys for the kids, although the kids already have Christmas toys.

Do you think it's fair or unfair? Would you have been gutted if you were one of the people who donated the toys, thinking they were going to a family in need?

OP posts:
JMSA · 17/12/2024 04:50

I think it's fine.

BlackChunkyBoots · 17/12/2024 04:58

I think we should stop questioning the worthiness of charity to be honest. If she's fled from a bad situation yet is still working and managing on her own renting a 2 bed flat (not big enough for three people imo) she's doing ger best, in my opinion. I hope she thinks it's nice people are thinking of her.

DisforDarkChocolate · 17/12/2024 05:01

Not at all.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
Whizzgosh · 17/12/2024 05:02

They sound like a family in need to me. Although mum appears to have coped well with the stressful situation, I think she deserves a bit of headspace and to know her children are going to have a great Christmas.

SnobblyBobbly · 17/12/2024 05:04

It's not about whether someone can afford something or not, it's the kindness and sense of being supported by people that's the real gift.

Don't begrudge people 'things'. Sometimes buying things/donating money is all we can actually do for one another.

Nolegusta · 17/12/2024 05:05

Maybe it wasn't 100% necessary but perhaps the referrer thought this mum just needed a kindness, to know folk cared, after all she'd been through. People can also be in need in more than a financial way. this kindness impacting your life in any way whatsoever?

category12 · 17/12/2024 05:33

No, I'd be happy she received them.

She's been through a lot and she's held it together. Good for her.

StarlightLady · 17/12/2024 05:35

I’m all for being succinct, but l don’t think it’s possible to sum up the exact position of a third party in a few sentences in order for others to make a judgement call.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 17/12/2024 05:35

This wee family deserve the goodwill from whoever referred them.
Yes mum is doing a good job of providing etc but within a context of the ground having done some serious shifting under her feet due to her ex-partners offences. If nothing else, it shows that someone in society cares about them and realises they've had a tough time of it.
If mum is feeling guilty about getting the gifts, please don't. It's a bit of extra Christmas sparkle.

Elfie111 · 17/12/2024 05:37

ThisProudGreenCat · 16/12/2024 23:51

Mum and two young children (6 months old and 2 1/2 years old). Certainly not poor albeit not rich. Dad isn't in the picture as not allowed contact with the children or the mum (can't know where they are either), basically mum had to leave her first property to get away from dad as he is an online child sex offender and breached his bail condition to stalk them.

Mum lives in a private rental 2 bedroom flat and has food on the table, can afford clothes, treats, softplay for the kids, etc... etc...

Mum found out she was referred to Christmas appeal and received Christmas toys for the kids, although the kids already have Christmas toys.

Do you think it's fair or unfair? Would you have been gutted if you were one of the people who donated the toys, thinking they were going to a family in need?

Your lack of empathy or understanding is more diabolical than the word ‘gotten’ in this post.

Running away from a convicted paedophile is pretty up there for what constitutes a dire situation. That bloke is her kids dad as well. Imagine how that makes her feel. No amount of toys or trips to the soft play will ever make that better.

Count yourself lucky you aren’t having to go through the same. She might seem like she’s doing okay. That might be called being strong for her kids.

The tone of your post is more foul than your instruction of the English language. Unless you are of course American then I guess Americanisms could be forgiven.

Try to be kind. The way you skipped over the part about the dad being a paedophile sort of showed your ignorance really. Which is a lovely position to be in. Where issues such as that don’t affect you and probably never will.

She isn’t so fortunate. Her life will never be the same. Take it from someone who knows.

Sparxdislike · 17/12/2024 05:38

No wouldn't bother me.

Diomi · 17/12/2024 05:40

I wouldn’t begrudge her having them at all.

If I was the mum, I must admit I would find it a bit weird. I would appreciate the kindness from others, but I wouldn’t want to be on a charity list.

LoveRicePudding · 17/12/2024 05:42

Are you a journalist fishing for the next big story about Christmas charity leeches?
Why should anyone be upset about this? It's not like she's in some enviable situation.

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 17/12/2024 06:00

Wherehavetheyallgone · 17/12/2024 00:01

Sex! -sorry dratted autocorrect!

Turn it off!!

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 17/12/2024 06:03

Your lack of empathy or understanding is more diabolical than the word ‘gotten’ in this post.
Very close call, @Elfie111 !

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 17/12/2024 06:08

TallNeckedGiraffe · 16/12/2024 23:54

Do you think a family who have been stalked by a sex offender are not a family in need?? Is that what you are saying??

This is about financial need - not any other support.

As it appears this mother didn't need presents for ger children. It was extremely selfish totake them from people who do. Resources are limited.

WillowTit · 17/12/2024 06:09

i wouldnt begrudge them

goldencabbage · 17/12/2024 06:10

If you're mum then please, you've has a shit time. Financially you're doing ok but the people who referred you don't know that and just think ahhh she's having a hard time this is one of the limited things I can do to help.

If you're not mum then who the hell are you? The organiser?

goldencabbage · 17/12/2024 06:11

Elfie111 · 17/12/2024 05:37

Your lack of empathy or understanding is more diabolical than the word ‘gotten’ in this post.

Running away from a convicted paedophile is pretty up there for what constitutes a dire situation. That bloke is her kids dad as well. Imagine how that makes her feel. No amount of toys or trips to the soft play will ever make that better.

Count yourself lucky you aren’t having to go through the same. She might seem like she’s doing okay. That might be called being strong for her kids.

The tone of your post is more foul than your instruction of the English language. Unless you are of course American then I guess Americanisms could be forgiven.

Try to be kind. The way you skipped over the part about the dad being a paedophile sort of showed your ignorance really. Which is a lovely position to be in. Where issues such as that don’t affect you and probably never will.

She isn’t so fortunate. Her life will never be the same. Take it from someone who knows.

Show quote history

Erm..what if it's mum posting?

kikisparks · 17/12/2024 06:13

No. I give to these appeals and all I care about is that the kids actually do get the gifts. If they all got put in the bin or something I’d be gutted but otherwise happy for them to go wherever they are deemed appropriate to go.

SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 17/12/2024 06:17

I'm wondering if this is you and someone has judged you for it.

No, I wouldn't begrudge. The second you give anything to charity, it is no longer yours to decide where it goes or how to spend it. I really hope the recipients enjoy.

Redcrayons · 17/12/2024 06:21

Elfie111 · 17/12/2024 05:37

Your lack of empathy or understanding is more diabolical than the word ‘gotten’ in this post.

Running away from a convicted paedophile is pretty up there for what constitutes a dire situation. That bloke is her kids dad as well. Imagine how that makes her feel. No amount of toys or trips to the soft play will ever make that better.

Count yourself lucky you aren’t having to go through the same. She might seem like she’s doing okay. That might be called being strong for her kids.

The tone of your post is more foul than your instruction of the English language. Unless you are of course American then I guess Americanisms could be forgiven.

Try to be kind. The way you skipped over the part about the dad being a paedophile sort of showed your ignorance really. Which is a lovely position to be in. Where issues such as that don’t affect you and probably never will.

She isn’t so fortunate. Her life will never be the same. Take it from someone who knows.

Show quote history

Try to be kind

Sprogonthetyne · 17/12/2024 06:28

The woman is trying to pull their lives back together after a god awful experience. I'd be pleased if the gifts mean that the kid get to be a little more 'spoilt' after such a traumatic experience or the mum doesn't have to choose between buying gifts or paying for one of the other things she suddenly has to fund because of this situation (eg. Replacing anything left behind when fleeing, moving costs, legal fees, new school uniform, travelcosts, therapy for herselfor children).

CarolinaWren · 17/12/2024 06:28

Based on the original post, I'd be absolutely fine with it. Also, I seriously doubt it the OP has access to this family's financial records. She is just making assumptions about their apparent "worthiness."

UniqueOP · 17/12/2024 06:29

Privately renting a 2-bed won't be cheap, and for all you know, she could be in a lot of debt - or getting close to it. It sounds as if she won't have much spare cash, raising the kids on her own. The children probably don't have much, and their dad is as good as dead. I wouldn't begrudge them a few more toys to make their Xmas nicer.

Swipe left for the next trending thread