How to respond to this message from 'friend'

[Funkyslippers]

Last year I had a big birthday. My oldest friend of 30+ years pretty much ignored it. No card, no present, made no effort to come & see me even though I made every effort for her big birthday the year before. So I have taken a massive step back (ie made no effort for last year's or this year's birthday or Christmas last year, haven't seen her in over a year though we message occasionally). I wasn't able to tell her the reason she pissed me off as she was ill just after my birthday last year & I didn't feel it was appropriate. Anyway just had a text from her to say "hope you're OK. Just to say I'm not doing Christmas for friends this year". Obviously I wouldn't expect anything from her as I don't plan to see her. I feel like replying "well you started the tradition on my birthday last year". Can anyone come up with something more grown up? Or jusy not respond at all?

I would just reply: "ok, noted"

Give her nothing - no info, no validation in her choices.

Do you think she's trying to quite quit the friendship? Did something happen between you?

Sounds like it was a generic message she sent to everyone and that she hasn't noticed you've pulled back.

She's not invested in your friendship and you shouldn't be either.

Just ignore and carry on with your life and treasure only the friends who treasure you back.

I think no response is they way to go. She's not actually asking how you are, just saying she hopes your OK, so it's just a statement of fact. So ignoring is probably best if there's been zero effort in her part.
I know it might feel cathartic to say something, but then if she still doesn't respond, you could end up feeling more shit about it.

Thumbs up react it if you respond at all. The friendship is over in your eyes so don't stoke the flames.

No nothing apart from what happened with my birthday last year. I went to see her shortly after when she was poorly & she was absolutely fine with me. I've done nothing to upset her apart from pull right back. She may be pissed off about that but I had good reason to do it. Her messages to me have all been fine too as if nothing has happened! I wonder how she could have thought everything was OK when I haven't seen her in over a year

I'd be tempted to send an eye roll but in reality probably just ignore and delete her. Really sad after 30 years but she's clearly withdrawn, sorry OP it's hard x

'You do you.'

I received that once and ouch it had the effect the sender wanted.

Was she perhaps also ill before your birthday which is why she didn't mark it?

Yes, I think that’s reasonable. ‘OK, noted’ is a usefully neutral response from a pp.

I'd just reply hi all good here thanks. Oh I had presumed we had stopped doing presents for each other since my birthday last year anyway. Hope you're well.

“No change there then”

But I wouldn’t actually reply at all.

If you miss her I would reach out and try to repair the relationship. If its the last straw and you are done just send a thumb’s up. She will get the message.

Reply with a 👍

I wouldn’t reply because it sounds like she sent that to multiple people rather than you specifically. Definitely wouldn’t say how I was doing.

i agree with no response. I’m really sorry such a long friendship has ended with no explanation or reason you can think of. Occasionally it does happen . It’s bloody disappointing and hurtful but whatever is going on with her it seems like she’s no longer bothered. You deserve better.

I'd be tempted to reply saying no problem, I'm only doing the usual friends.

What does she mean I'm not doing Christmas for friends this year?

Do you normally meet up, exchange gifts, have a meal out etc for Christmas???

Prior to your birthday, was she also ill? Concerned it was something sinister? Awaiting a diagnosis? Maybe she felt YOU were rude for not asking about her illness more?
I can't say her reasons, but I know its shit when you realise a long term friendship is over.

Could something bad have happened to her? You mentioned she was ill, but could it be something more serious? A break up, job loss, bankruptcy? I'm running away with ideas now. She could just have gone cold for no reason. Which to me does seem rather odd. I'd probably try and speak to her either on the phone or face to face just to guage if she's unwell, sad or just no longer interested? But maybe that ship has sailed. In which case just ignore. It seems quite sad though.

Or she could just be a selfish person who can't see past her own wants and needs.

Is she having issues with money?
I'd actually ask her if there's some kind of problem.. if she been to all your birthdays prior and usually mare an effort.. yet didn't this time and is now saying she can't get anyone anything for Christmas when she has in the past. I'd assume something was going on.
I'd reply "is everything OK with you?"

I think what kind of "poorly" she was just straight after your birthday is significant

I couldn't not respond in some way. So would probably go with "Was this meant for me? As I thought you already started last year".

"yup i expected that would be the case"

I'm mean so...

"you should tell them then.."

"sorry who's this?"

I’d either ignore it or press the thumbs up.

This!