I’m so glad I’ve got daughters instead of a son

[FfsBrian]

Because fuck me Mils get a hard time on here.

I wouldn’t be able to see any born grandchild with in the first few weeks - never mind hold them.

I wouldn’t be able to buy my son anything nice

Son wouldn’t be able to see me on mothers day

And god forbid I’d want to see my son on Christmas Day!

My son wouldn’t be able to talk to me if he was upset/stressed with his partner

I’d be scared to death of upsetting Dil incase I never seen my son or grandkids again.

However when any grandkids reached toddler stage and mum wanted a break I’d be expected to look after a child at the drop of a hat I’d not been allowed to try and forge a bond with.

😬😬😬

My MIL had 5 sons and was extremely close to all of them and the grandchildren. That's why I'm not worried about having sons.

my point is
if your brother was to marry
this wife would have your mother as her mil
and i’m sure you’ll agree - your sympathies would very much lie with the wife if your brother wasn’t NC with his mother

there will be many out there with mothers like yours who aren’t estranged

I wasn't upset. Have you tried to have a go at the others who agreed with me?

I am not 'having a go'.
Posters respond to a particular comment, which is what happened in this case.
Jesus, people have 'picked' on me at times when I am largely saying what others say; it's part of being on aibu
Good grief

Of course you step back when a DIL comes on the scene. I stepped back when my son in law came on the scene. They're a married couple and created their own family unit. It doesn't mean we're not very close.

Hyperbolic much? I hope your daughters don't defy your incredibly rigid expectations

You need to read about some delightful mother and daughter relationships too. My son's wife is wonderful with a wonderful attitude but then she's married to someone with the right perspective too..... there is the key!

Very well said, OP

I have two sons in their 20s and have a great relationship with them. We laugh so much when we spend time together.
Their Dad (my husband) and his brother had a great relationship with their Mum and I loved her to bits - fabulous woman. She was exceptionally kind and loving towards her other DIL too (even though it wasn't reciprocated). Both my husband and his brother were with their Mum at the hospice when she died. So I hope and feel that they have seen great examples of relationships between adult sons and their Mum.
My sons may marry, they might not. One of my sons is bisexual, so I may have a SIL or a DIL or neither via him. They might have children, they might not. Whatever they choose I'll be cheering them all the way as they are both fantastic young men.

All my male relatives and friends are closer to and better to their mums than the females. Take from that what you may

I absolutely love my mil and think I hit the jackpot when I got the 1 I did. We've been on holiday together been out for days out meals together she is always on the other end of the phone when I need her and she has helped me out so many times in the past without judgment. I really do feel sad when I read threads on here about ppl not getting on with their mil's.
On the other hand I have been nc with my own excuse of a mother for many years and will never speak to her or contact her again. In fact my mil has treated me more like a daughter in the 11yrs I've been with her son than my own mother ever did. So swings and roundabouts I suppose.

I have a lovely mother in law. We will be seeing her Xmas eve, Xmas day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. We go away with her for her birthday. We see her Mother’s Day. She’s lovely. She annoyed me around the birth of my son because I had a c section for medical reasons and told her but asked her not to tell anybody. She did tell everybody she knew. But she was just excited and worried.

She is a lovely lady. We have great times together and lovely adventures sometimes with all the family and sometimes just us two.

My MIL is lovely, met our babies within days of their birth and has a great relationship with both of her sons and their respective wives. In fact they are much easier relationships than she has with her own daughter sadly. We have literally never had a cross word between us and MIL / FIL in 15 or so years of marriage. She has a close bond with our children (all boys BTW) as do my own parents.

I love having boys so I don’t agree with your title at all, I hope to be as lovely a MIL one day as my own one is, IF my children choose to marry.

I absolutely adore my MIL. My husband has an incredibly close bond with her and used to go on holiday with her as an adult before I came long 15 years ago and now she comes on holiday all the time with us and the kid. She’s ace. I’m in incredibly close to my 3 boys and honestly can’t imagine a world where I’m not.

she’s never been a dick or told me how to parent so I suspect that helps !

My mother in law stayed with us for 10 days after the birth of each daughter. She was amazing. Never got in the way and never interfered. I would have struggled with the early days of a new born baby without her.

There are loads of threads on here about MIL and DIL not getting on. Or virtually hating each other.
In RL it's not the case. Most people I know either love their MIL or at least get on with them.
As a PP said if you do have a great relationship with MIL you're hardly going to post about it on here.

I blame the sons. They are fickle and do anything for an easy life. I used to blame my DIL for not being able to see my son and grand children regularly.
But my son is a grown man with a brain. If he chooses this way of life then so be it.
Think I prefer this to babysitting every weekend.
My adult daughter doesn’t want children. I am fine with this, as again it’s her life.
I miss my son and one day he will realise his choices, but of course it may sadly be too late.

Love my in-laws. Took a second attempt to get good ones, first were an utterly bonkers set of toxic narcissists and tbh even their son doesn’t want anything to do with them.
I don’t have a great relationship with my mother, by contrast it was my in laws that came and stayed when my youngest was born and I couldn’t have asked for more loving but also respectful and non intrusive behaviour. FIL drove me to the hospital in labour they then watched my older children, fed them and kept them calm and happy, collected us and baby from the hospital, stayed all of half an hour before going back to their hotel for the night. We had to be really firm and insistent that they were absolutely welcome to come back the next day and stay for longer and no, they weren’t intruding and we wanted to have them there.

Seriously, I’m so lucky and think that every time a negative MIL story comes up. But also think there are lots of people like me who just have no reason to post negative in law stories purely because they don’t have any.

Totally see your point l, I have 2 sons. I’d be devastated if I’m kept away from any future grandkids

Why do you think you'd be kept away from future grandchildren just because you have sons?

It isn't as cut and dried as that. My Mum is way more of an issue for us than my MIL, as she oversteps and can be very thoughtless. I think it is more important to focus on your own behaviour

Its a worry some of us with boys have because of places like mumsnet and social media.

From what I've seen and read daughter in-laws sometimes go on the defensive expecting to have controling MIL ect. It's not always true obviously from this thread and many people saying they love their in-laws ect

My own MIL can't be bothered with her family didn't even raise her own kids because in he divorce her ex husband got them.

My FIL is horrible and so is his wife and hardly visit even though we were 5 mins around the corner. We had to always go over there. When ever they did come round and I made them drinks they'd sip grimice and then leave the drinks. Or pick at any food I got them. MIL has Visited twice and is always to busy.

I worry because I can't show a good example of what a relationship between in-laws on that side looks like. But I can between son in-laws and mother in-laws. My kids might think it's normal to not have as much contact with their mum once they are married.

I want to be able to help their families grow as much as I can. Pick up child care when needed, cook for my daughter in-laws (If I have them) once they've had the baby ect. Be there for them as much or as little as they need. I want a good relationship with my daughter in-laws and their parents

My mum will go spend time with my sister's in-laws. We've been round their house on Christmas day.

I think a lot of mil problems wouldn't exist if men weren't so lazy about maintaining relationships. Can't be bothered visiting your mum? Blame your wife. Forgot to buy your mum a present? Blame your wife. Think your wife isn't doing something right with the kids/in the house? Tell your mum and get her to call your wife out on it. Ime most really decent men have relationships with their mothers and their wives that work really well.

I think it’s a catch 22 sometimes though.

societally it is expected that the wife’s family take priority- and the wife’s mum at that. Note that father in law relationships are rarely mentioned, it’s all about the mil.

we make such a big deal over the mother/daughter relationship, to the point many women actually don’t want boys.

this is where the stereotypes really are harmful. Having a better bond with daughters because you can do girly things, and what does one do with a boy? Women aren’t interested in football and fighting, they have nothing in common!

so you have less of a bond with the boy. Then are surprised when the boy fucks off to spend Christmas with wife’s family.

men do need to step up, but equally society needs to stop seeing men as less in the family set up. Dh actually had a decent relationship with his parents, saw them regularly, phone calls, took the kids to see them etc, but they still openly prioritised their daughter and her kids, and would often drop plans with us because sil or her kids needed something.

I think the OP and I read the same thread earlier today!