I’m so glad I’ve got daughters instead of a son

[FfsBrian]

Because fuck me Mils get a hard time on here.

I wouldn’t be able to see any born grandchild with in the first few weeks - never mind hold them.

I wouldn’t be able to buy my son anything nice

Son wouldn’t be able to see me on mothers day

And god forbid I’d want to see my son on Christmas Day!

My son wouldn’t be able to talk to me if he was upset/stressed with his partner

I’d be scared to death of upsetting Dil incase I never seen my son or grandkids again.

However when any grandkids reached toddler stage and mum wanted a break I’d be expected to look after a child at the drop of a hat I’d not been allowed to try and forge a bond with.

😬😬😬

@Sunnysundayicecream That’s so nice x

You have a brother
is he married?
because your mother as you describe in this post… will be her MIL

I wouldn't allow my son to talk to me about frustrations with his partner as that would be divisive.

I would expect mum and baby to prioritise their well-being after delivery and would expect DIL to want her mum.

I would want to help out if I could.

I would expect my son to focus on helping the kids make their mum feel special on mother's day. I have had all the lovely gifts and cold toast and ornaments I do not like for many years.

I had zero time or patience for my MIL but that was because she was the antithesis of everything I like, respect and admire. But in and of herself she wasn't a bad person, at all.

However, I genuinely loved the mother of my ex boyfriend and we stayed in touch long after the relationship ended.

I have a good relationship with my MIL but I get what you are saying, a lot of women on here think that marrying a man means he has to forgo any relationship with any women in his life that wifey doesn't like, including his mothers or sisters.

So if your son had no one to talk to and was deeply struggling and needed comfort & advice off his mum - you wouldn't listen to him?

Do you think mothers of daughters would do the same?

Mainly the threads about Mils on here are so minor yet cause so much destruction with in families.

I, and many/most others, would regard my MIL smoking around my children as a major issue. You let it go. So perhaps your perception of “minor” is different to others?

Read my update up thread.

this is exactly what the o/p is on about.

ditch the boy children in favour of grandchildren and their mums. Cos boys are useless aren’t they- can’t possibly maintain a relationship with the grandchildren via a son.

think about it- your dh has an affair so your parents actively choose to socialise with him and your kids, leaving you out completely. That’s admirable?

kids and dad are the losers as the women exclude the men from parenting.

My MIL was wonderful and we miss her very much. My mother isn't a nice person and a horrid MIL.

I'm thankful for meeting my MIL as I got experience a mother's love.

I get you OP and I think a lot of responses have missed the point! I have sons and until I was on here I never realised how many women have this “ my little family” mentality, or the sort of disdain for adult men being close to their mothers.
I hate the whole “ mummy’s boy/ apron strings” crap. It’s sexist and ridiculous.
I really hope when the time comes that my sons are older and in serious relationships they will still feel able to have a close relationship with me, and that I will be able to build strong ties with my dils and grandchildren ( if I have any) because family is ( in my view and in my experience) more than just the people who live in your house.
I’d hate to be considered the lesser grandparent, or controlling if I want to be part of my son’s lives. I very much have my own life, I may even live abroad in a few years, and I don’t need to be joined at the hip with my kids, but the parental
bond is just as strong as with any daughter.

Please point to where I have EVER said I would let smoking around my children 'go'.

Go back and read my posts - the MIL had actually agreed to make the house smoke free, yet the DIL was having imaginary arguments in her head and stressing out over issues that had not even happened yet and posters were egging the OP to put a block on her Mil seeing the child/ visits/ visiting house.

I actually said 'Give her a chance' because the MIL hadnt actually broken her promise yet.

you said that you found your mil smoking around your children very upsetting but you “picked your battles” , which was her smoking in the care whilst driving

indicating that ok with smoking around your children on other situation 🤷

i am not talking about the Op of that thread

I am talking about what you posted about your smoker MIL

I was like this with my ex mil and it gave me so much anxiety

Im three kids in and learned to pick my battles - mine was her driving in the car smoking with my kids IN IT.

You've misread my post. My post was in sympathy for mothers of sons who feel they have to step back when a Dil comes on to the scene.

Your mother is the mother of a son

My daughter thinks Granny is a nightmare, she's 16 now and is fully aware of how mean Granny is as she has witnessed many of her comments and put downs over the years. She refuses to go and stay with her despite Granny asking every holiday. Granny has a total of 6 grandchildren, (my daughter is the youngest) and they all refuse to visit her!

It's kind of become a joke as to what Granny will say and do whenever we visit her. Luckily I have very thick skin and my husband loves me very much so I don't really care I don't reach his mother's standards. She has two other DIL's who don't cut the mustard either, one of whom "keeps her son away from her" (No, she's like me and has tried to maintain a relationship but her son refuses to do so) and the other is "a fat, lazy alcoholic" (Yes, she is overweight as she has multiple health problems but no, she isn't an alcoholic, but more than one glass of wine when you're on holiday means you're in alcoholic territory!). My SIL's are fabulous people so we just compare notes and have a few glasses of wine! Especially if Granny is visiting! 🍷😉😂

I didn’t misread- it was a bit of a tangent.

i do think it backs up your o/p though in that women/mums are seen as the conduit to grandchildren. Women and their families are centred, men pushed aside.

many mums of sons seem to accept that they will not be important in their sons life once they are married- they will be included in their wives family. “A son is a son until he takes a wife” bollocks.

that dh’s parents happily ditched their son who’d lost everything in preference for the woman who caused it all confirms that. That they couldn’t comprehend that their son could maintain their relationship with their grandchildren, only the child’s mother can.

Yes and it got stopped immediately. I never said i was ok with smoking round my kids or allowed it. You've read what you wanted to read in to that.

My Mil would smoke a vape if she was visiting us or us visiting.( i suggested OP suggest this to mil) That actually worked ok. Obviously not over the baby - for clarification. I spent a lot of time pregnant worrying about this. Then one day years later she took the kids out, wound the window and blew the smoke out the window. The kids only told me because the fag butt blew back in a burned a hole in the carrier bag - the kids could'nt wait to tell me nana had nearly started a fire in the car. Ex dh went mad. It didnt happen again.

My whole point on that thread was to give the MIL a chance - she had already agreed to smoke out side the house - but it seems that still isnt good enough.

However trawling over my past posts because I've obviously touched a nerve is a poor show and i'm not interested in turning this thread in to ATAAT

What you describe is the experience my generous, lovely DM has had with her DIL. Exactly like all the MIL posts on here. The stereotype is real.

so what have you “so much anxiety”? if “stopped immediately”

and you said you “picked your battles” and your battles was smoking in the car whilst driving your children. Indicates smoking aron when generally… fine

Your own awful mother that you have NC with

is the mother of a son!

Mum is that you?

if it is, how do you think i’m treating my DIL, the partner of my son?

Well the last time my brother seen my mum was when she tried to hang herself out side my brothers bedroom on his 16th birthday. Ive already explained to you why we had to walk away up thread. That wasn't petty shit

I dont know why you want to keep talking about my mum, its a bit weird & creepy and I wont be engaging with you anymore.